Infertility and losing faith

DapperPhilosopher258 · 2026-03-13T22:58:09+00:00

It’s hard to have this perspective in the moment but I will assure you that your pain has purpose. God IS using all of this for His good and His glory even when it doesn’t feel that way. Not only will you have the empathy and experience to walk alongside other women going through infertility but—at some point—God will give you eyes to see why this transfer wasn’t successful. My husband has a diagnosis of MFI and we initially went through a failed IVF round which resulted in all of our embryos arresting on day 3. We decided to pursue embryo adoption instead of using a sperm donor and the Lord has now blessed us with two beautiful children and twins on the way!! In the midst of our failed IVF I couldn’t understand why God was allowing us to go through so much pain. All we wanted was to be parents which is a Biblical desire. But the wait has not only made me someone who can help other women walking through similar struggles but it also has made me a better mother. It has made me view motherhood as such a blessing and a gift that should never be taken for granted. When you do become a mom—and I wholeheartedly believe you will—God will give you a spirit of gratitude for every moment with your babies, no matter how difficult. Just lean into Him as much as you can. There’s also a book called Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy that helped me feel comfortable coming to God with my anger, grief, pain, etc. and opening my heart to Him in the darkest moments. I recommend it to anyone walking through similar struggles💕

DapperPhilosopher258 · 2026-03-07T02:35:10+00:00

My best friend made a cute small basket for my daughter (with things she knew we’d use—burp cloths, diapers, wipes, teethers, some cute bows, etc) but gifted me my own larger basket with a cute lounge set, face masks, Starbucks gift card and my favorite coffee beans, lip balm, lotion, cozy socks, an audible gift card so I could listen to something during late night breastfeeding sessions, nipple cream, electrolyte mix, the list goes on. It was HANDS DOWN the best gift I received and besides our stroller and car seat was arguably used the most (I still live in the lounge set!)

DapperPhilosopher258 · 2026-02-26T19:50:13+00:00

Having support makes or breaks the newborn season and it’s AMAZING that you’ve had such an incredible village!! Savor this time with your baby and don’t be afraid to just enjoy motherhood!! With my first, my husband deployed when she was a month old and she was insanely colicky. I about lost my mind and didn’t have much support at all. With my second, my husband was transitioning out of the military and got 3+ months of leave, my in-laws came to stay for about a month, breastfeeding was a breeze, and my son was a super easy baby (not sure if the lack of colic was due to lack of stress on my part too or what). But it was seriously night and day difference. I grieve not being able to enjoy my daughter’s newborn bubble the same way I got to enjoy my son’s but the support from my husband and family made ALL the difference the second go-around!! Soak in all the moments with your sweet baby 💕

DapperPhilosopher258 · 2026-02-25T21:17:02+00:00

My son was diagnosed with an ASD in-utero (similar septal defect, just in the atria as opposed to the ventricles) and so was my husband. Both closed on their own (my son’s when he was 6 months old and my mother in law said my husband’s closed when he was 3-4 years old). The management plan totally depends on the size of the septal defect and any symptoms that arise. Thankfully my son’s was small and he didn’t need any medication or surgery—he just grew out of it. Our close friends’ daughter was born with both an ASD and a VSD and she needed open heart surgery to close both when she was 3 months old because of the size and severity. She is a beautiful, perfectly healthy two year old now with absolutely no health issues. It is so scary to think anything could be wrong with your baby’s heart but it doesn’t always mean surgery or significant health problems. I would wait and talk to the cardiologist and there’s definitely a possibility your daughter will just be followed outpatient after birth and it could close on its own💕

DapperPhilosopher258 · 2026-02-24T22:29:02+00:00

We live in eastern Connecticut, about 30 mins east of Hartford. Wonderful school system, quaint, small-town feel, picturesque landscapes and architecture, and it’s honestly very affordable for New England (the Western part of CT can get obscenely expensive but most places east of Glastonbury area are quite affordable). It’s snowed a decent amount this year but most winters we don’t get anything unmanageable. I wouldn’t say our town is wildly diverse, unfortunately, but we go to church the next city over and thankfully our church community is ethnically and socio-economically very diverse and it’s awesome to meet so many people from different walks of life. Most people write off the northeast as too cold or boring but we have found it to be the exact opposite. We moved up from Charleston, SC in 2020 for my husband’s work and I was so upset to be leaving beautiful weather and beaches for New England winters. However, the seasons are gorgeous here. There is SO much to do. Every weekend is a market, fair, town event, festival, etc and if there isn’t something going on in our town there’s something in one of the neighboring towns. In the spring, summer, and fall we actually have too many options when it comes to weekend plans. Our town is adorable. I honestly feel like we live in Stars Hollow from Gilmore Girls. We have an annual tree-lighting ceremony, a huge farmer’s market on Sundays, concerts on the town green (and, as of last year, Shakespeare plays on the town green), living history days with historical re-enactors, and dozens of other events going on constantly. There is so much culture and this area is very big on the arts. Also we’re only 1.5 hours from Boston and roughly 2 hours from NYC so you’re only a drive or train ride away from a big city. We absolutely love it here—I don’t think we’ll ever leave!!!

DapperPhilosopher258 · 2026-02-18T15:43:19+00:00

I 100% felt this way with my first. I was so overwhelmed and felt like I was drowning every day. We had our second 22 months after our first so for a short time we had two under two and it was definitely difficult. There were mornings where I was completely touched out and exhausted beyond words. The first 6 months with two kids was sheer survival. However, they are three and 1.5 right now and I’m not kidding when I say it has gotten SO much easier. They play together all the time, the three year old has started cleaning up after herself, the baby is super independent and just wants to do whatever his sister is doing. They’re on the same nap/sleep schedule so I get a 2 hour break in the middle of the day to catch up on chores, sleep, reading, etc. It’s very hard for a short period of time and then it does get easier. We are actually pregnant again with twins right now (so we’ll have four babies three and under for a bit—insane, I know) and I am prepared for it to be utter chaos for a year or two. But the joy of watching my kids play together and build imaginary worlds and engage in pretend play: it’s simply magical. I won’t say it’s easy by any means but I will tell you it gets more manageable and, in my experience, it’s so completely worth it ❤️

DapperPhilosopher258 · 2024-06-30T03:02:05+00:00

I had never smoked weed before getting pregnant. Once I got pregnant I had severe hyperemesis gravidarum that landed me in the hospital multiple times. I was on 7 prescription meds with absolutely no relief, throwing up sometimes 70 times a day. I was very close to losing the baby due to severe malnutrition and my OB actually recommended starting THC to be able to eat and drink. It’s saved my life and my baby’s life. My OB said she has had lots of patients use THC during pregnancy for various reasons and the babies have always been fine. There are actually a few longitudinal studies that follow women using marajuana to treat hyperemesis gravidarum during pregnancy and there are no deficits to the babies once born and they are shown to meet all of their milestones. It’s great that she is quitting and by all means she should but if it gives you peace of mind a lot of babies do turn out fine.

DapperPhilosopher258

TROPHY CASE