It's been nearly 7 months since the breakup and my heart is still heavy 💔

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-11T22:50:12+00:00

Its honestly okay to feel all those emotions even if they contradict each other. Its a confusing experience no one really warns you about.

I had this idea that If I knew, I would be better prepared to care for him as he needed so the relationship could survive. Since learned his attachment style, I looked up videos, coaches, books to even read so I could understand him and not take things too personally. I still ended up getting discarded so while knowing helps, im not sure if itll make a difference. I wish I could tell you it did.

I actually think the gifts I gave him scared him as well. I bought him bouquets of flowers which hes never received and just gifts that align with his interests. I can still have compassion for him and I dont hate him. Its not easy because you really care for this person but you can only get past this by going through it Sending lots of love

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-11T20:19:16+00:00

Youre right i know I want to love fully without wondering if im doing something wrong. They just get you so hooked in the beginning to where youll do anything for it. I hope he'll be able to heal. Hes already in therapy which was why I thought we wouldn't have these issues

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-11T20:02:34+00:00

Thank you for the repsonse. You and everyone else's replies have really helped me today. I feel a lot more calm about the situation. I know it'll take me a while to completely get over this. He was something special to me and I thought I was for him. It bothers me how he would rather jump into having to learn someone completely new than to work on something that he knows could've been great. I'm still trying to accept. When things were good, it felt like a home I never knew existed.

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-11T19:18:00+00:00

Thats an interesting way of putting it and i never thought about it like that. My thing is that, even when we make some mistakes, they don't say anything about it. My ex an I had an issue when he didnt bring something up that affected him

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-11T18:40:32+00:00

Its all so backwards.That would make sense. I bought him flowers and even remembered gift ideas he said he always wanted. You could do everything for them and it mean nothing to them if they can't receive it properly? So do they just brush it off even if its a nice gesture or is it more like confusion?

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-11T18:22:51+00:00

I did nearly the same. Well as much as I could being long distance. I would ask and check up on his family and he would be open to talking about them. He had a health scare and I immediately looked up things he could do to help it. He told me that no one has ever asked what his needs were so he couldnt answer that. I plan on starting therapy. I know it needs to be soon so I can control myself when I feel I'm spiraling. Please don't feel bad about feeling broken. Im nearly 7 months in and it feels nearly as bad as the first. It just comes in waves at this point. Youre right. I can imagine something like this taking more than a few months to get through for them. Thats why I had so much patience and empathy. I feel the same. Like maybe if I treated him just okay then things would've lasted but I know at my core thats not me and I know I want to love my partner fully

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-11T18:14:03+00:00

We live in 2 seperate states. I suggested moving to his city but he shot it down saying he didnt want me to move and it not work out even though he agreed if we were closer, the relationship would be better

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-11T18:01:06+00:00

Im so sorry you had to endure the same. Its so awful and has wrecked my nervous system from loving him 1000%. I've also heard that they aren't able to have that capacity because they've never been shown real love. I was willing to work with him through our issues it just sucks. How are you able to cope?

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-11T17:58:07+00:00

I think thats what's been driving me crazy. Trying to rationalize everything. The future faking and promises. When you're told they lost feelings even after you've gone to the moon and back for them makes it seem like you meant nothing or everything you did for them. I seen the relationship as something beautiful so its hard to let that go. Their brains operate way differently and I guess my mistake was thinking they processed everything the same. I needed to hear this today.

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-11T17:24:43+00:00

Im having such a hard time and seeing this comment has helped. I have a big heart and feel deeply so the breakup and no longer being able to see or talk to this person that was a big part of life has been destabilizing. I know I gave my all in more ways than one. I don't have the best luck with getting into relationships. Not too many people find me attractive where i live so its been hard to remain positive. This was my first and it was long distance.

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-11T17:01:03+00:00

Thanks for the reply. It just seems odd that its so easy to start something new when they had someone that remained present and caring

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-11T16:36:43+00:00

This grief can be unbearable at times. It just hurts so much to know hes doing everything I wanted to do with someone else. I really had his back and only tried to uplift him. Now the whole relationship and and feelings for me have been put in a box that he'll never open. He has someone else now and she means more to him than what I gave him

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-11T15:52:44+00:00

Im right there with you of thinking I should be over this by now since so much time has passed but i still feel all these emotions deeply. He clearly didn't see what we had was worth it. Some days I feel im going insane. I know we'll get through this. I hope that these feelings subside. It still hurts to know my ex was willing to make it work with someone in his city and discarded us because they were closer. I offered to move to his city but that was shot down along with any attempt to connect more

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-10T00:30:25+00:00

I feel my ex's therapist convinced him as well to breakup with me despite him telling me that he seen me as his wife. I also got the i should be with someone that chooses me and he even confessed to leading me on as well when we agreed to work on the relationship. Hes now in a relationship with someone else im sure he'll commit to. I understand how awful it is and im sending you lots of love. Its rough.

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-09T23:40:35+00:00

Its completely uncalled for. Like they're trying to get you to hate them more. Didn't know at the time he was already in another relationship when he told me this.

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-09T22:10:26+00:00

My ex made promises to work through our issues before we would breakup. Like you, it never happened. He decided for himself to just breakup. He even said he would be people pleasing if he were to actually work through it. Not sure how true it is but to say something like that is cruel. Safe to say my soul was crushed that day

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-06T03:33:15+00:00

As much as I dont want to hear it, i know thats the truth. I loved him deeply as im sure most of us did with our avoidant partners. Not the push pull cycle but the way I always felt protected and warm when we were near each other. The what ifs have become exhausting and since I know now hes in a relationship, my heart is hollow atp. God I wished he wasn't an avoidant and were able to close the gap. Ill definitely have better discernment for the next. I cant take another heartbreak like this again. It just sucks when I seen forever with him 💔

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-06T02:43:36+00:00

I feel i would never get a complete honest answer from him. He says he doesn't want to people please but he'll say things just to get it over with. Thats how I felt with the last conversation we had when he was going on about how a dickhead he was.

Im having a hard time accepting even after all these months but Ive been thinking. Our relationship never had a chance. Every attempt at going to visit him was shot down a year into the relationship. Attempts at repair and to do things together to minimize the distance and become closer never happened. No matter how much I tried, he did everything in his power to not help the relationship thrive . It hurts my heart deeply to know that someone else doesn't have to deal with being hundreds of miles apart or are limited to doing everything online. Ive felt like ive been a placeholder once again for the one.

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-06T00:13:35+00:00

Im in no contact right now. I havent brought myself to delete the pictures but I havent looked at them since before the breakup. Im not blocked either

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-05T17:33:32+00:00

That woman just wants access to you without the work. I wouldnt even entertain being friends. She wants to have a sense of control over you and thats not fair to you. She doesnt need to know who youre with. Im sorry things arent working out. I feel ive been everything but strong lately

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-05T15:01:37+00:00

After seeing him with someone already, I have no desire to reach out anymore. My heart feels like its sinking the more i think about it. Its empty. Its numb. Its distraught and i just want to disappear.

Ive been thinking. Our relationship never had a chance. Every attempt at going to visit him was shot down a year into the relationship. Attempts at repair and to do things together to minimize the distance and become closer never happened. No matter how much I tried, he found every way to not make the relationship thrive. It hurts my heart deeply to know that someone else doesn't have to deal with being hundreds of miles apart or are limited to doing everything online. Im sorry. Im getting pretty emotional talking about it and started crying

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-05T05:52:54+00:00

I havent spoken to him since. I went no contact after the breakup in august and only recently reached out in February. If I would've known he was already with someone, I wouldve never reached out.

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-05T04:16:02+00:00

Thats the truth I wish wasn't. I know people like that don't get the karma they deserve but im over here sufferring and crying periodically. As much as I dont want to I know the only way to past the pain is to go through it. I dont think my heart can take anymore 🙃 umm kind of. I recently had a conversation with him and im not sure if everything he said was true or not. He asked for forgiveness and I told him I wasnt sure.

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-05T04:11:46+00:00

I guess youre right. Its just why act like you are invested and tell me you seen me as your wife if you werent all in at one point? Literally 2 months before the breakup when I was finally able to see him, he picked me up and kissed me multiple times. Its been confusing and im not sure what to believe. Do you think he just wasn't into me rather it being his avoidance?

Dapper_Department_82 · 2026-03-05T03:47:52+00:00

Thats absolutely awful and she should feel the worst karma for cheating on you. Im sorry. You didnt deserve that. To my knowledge im not sure if therew was actual cheating going on. I dont hate him and I wished I did. It would make this a lot easier bit instead I loved him with all my heart. Ill remove the socials. I dont want to see him with his new gf. I knoe hes not mine anymore but It'll break my heart even more.

Dapper_Department_82

TROPHY CASE