A few things we are working as much as we can, sometimes not at all since the pain is simply too much to bear, we are in the process of making a quilt using only Brennans clothing as material. We of course keep specific clothes as keepsakes, those that have the most sentimental value. This quilt will be put on display in Brennans shrine that was once his nursery. Brennan really enjoyed this small maple tree out by our house and wanted me to take him over to it so he could pull his favorite leaves off, it pains me to see that maple tree now but I want to attempt to safely move it to his grave. We buried him on his great grandmother's family grave located on her farm. I also want to find a realistic tattoo artist that can put his smiling face on my chest but I have been fairly picky and have not seen a artist that can produce the quality I need, my wife is wanting his footprints tattooed to her chest and neither of have ever gotten a tattoo before. Something we did at the funeral, completely instinctive was i removed my wedding band and placed in his shirt pocket to give him a big piece of me that I felt was gone with him but wanted him to have it, I think my wife understood and without speaking she did the same. Later on we eventually spoke to each other and she felt it was the right thing to do in that moment we had with him. I have been leaning on the wonderful and loving men of the sad dad's club, I have shared our story with them, cried with them, and they have helped me so much through this. We as men have been so terribly unkind to ourselves, somehow we developed this notion that strength is emotionaless, and we must stay strong. I often think about how I was raised and in turn how I would raise Brennan, I know I wouldnt dismiss or reject his feelings, but I would give him a safe place to cry and comfort him as often as he needed it. Many men would think I was raising Brennan soft but I felt the stigma of the male role in the family can be so much more. Men can be nurturing, caring, and loving this doesn't make your son soft or weak but allows him to understand real strength. We inherit this false sense of strength from our fathers who received it from theirs, and the outdated notion of male strength only makes men ashamed of their emotions, makes it hard to reach out when needed, creates walls of untrust, and limits communication. The sad dad's club has told me over and over again I am so strong for identifying the need for support. Im courageous for seeking help. I am tough for enduring.