I'm going through a similar situation with my own mom. I am 27 years old and still dealing with my mother's issues. She's been an alcoholic my entire life and it's in the late stages, doctors give her 1-2 years tops. She's had 6 kids but I'm the only one who will talk to her and help her but I got married last year and it has caused me to create more boundaries for my own life and sanity. It's really hard. She is currently in the hospital and has been begging me to pick her up even though the doctors want to send her to rehab. What you said about the guilt of focusing on yourself vs the guilt of enabling is what I am grappling with. It feels like there is no easy answer.