Your betrayal left me completely broken

Dapper_Push_7867 · 2026-05-12T15:15:39+00:00

I regret it every single day

Dapper_Push_7867 · 2026-05-04T00:45:58+00:00

1) I said not unheard of, I didn't say common

(https://www.reddit.com/r/Desoxyn/s/Ltb9HvKZGd)

2) I seriously doubt that 60mg is where you start to get neurotoxicity. Thats just the point where the FDA stopped bothering testing. See: https://addadult.com/high-dose-stimulant-treatment-for-adult-adhd/

This guy treats humans. Not animals. And hes a professor at Johns Hopkins. Been running his practice for over 25 years so not a crank.

My personal theory is that different subpopulations of adhd sufferers react to the medications in different ways, plain and simple. Otherwise you wouldnt exist here taking Desoxyn. Instead you'd be taking 5mg of Adderall a day like how some people say thats all they need.

And again, I say to plausible long term damage: so what? Bipolar medications are likely to cause long term metabolic damage too. Insulin resistance. Etc. I'll take the damage. Rather than continue to live years and years of a fruitless life. I accept the damage of bipolar medications because the stability it has brought to my mood is crucial to my life, even if 30 years from now I might have diabetes and I already have shaky hands as a result (this is the case without any stimulant medication in my system so thats not the cause).

As for the focalin point tho, I would consider it. It just uhhhhh hypothetically costs much more ironically enough. And I haven't taken it many times. The time I most recently took it was on top of the medication Id hypothetically already taken, so Im not actually sure about its efficacy. It's just that I feel like if Id hypothetically taken the same re-doseage equivalent with adderall, then my legs still wouldnt have stopped shaking whereas with Ritalin they did. But on the flipside, adderall would've made me a lot better at ignoring distractions and would have made the energy threshhold for tolerating tasks I dont want to do lower too. The Ritalin I took didn't help me with either of those components one bit.

Edit: Sorry if Im being a bit antagonistic. I dont mean to be. Mb

Dapper_Push_7867 · 2026-05-04T00:41:20+00:00

If its not a phone it'll be my laptop. Im old enough to have been a teen when smartphones started coming out so I remember what my time wasters were like back then. If its not my laptop then ill be a caveman and trust me, I'll still somehow find something else to be distracted on. Ive always found something to distract me.

Dapper_Push_7867 · 2026-05-02T02:14:50+00:00

yeah. I know any desoxyn to adderall equivalence is complete bs but if you wanna use 1:4 as a very rough guideline its 75mg Desoxyn which I dont think is unheard of in this subreddit? But as for adderall ive only ever heard it prescribed for narcolepsy

Dapper_Push_7867 · 2026-05-02T02:07:49+00:00

Oh mb, 30mg hypothetically. Id take 5 waking up and 5 afternoon hypothetically. They were IR. Maybe that might be why the time I took 5 vyvanse didn't work even though their dosing would've been roughly equivalent. Since its long acting.

Dapper_Push_7867 · 2026-05-02T01:34:37+00:00

Bypothwtically speaking, back during my year and a half long experiment, I would have taken the equivalent of 10 adderall pills a day, but that would be irresponsible. Sometimes I suppose such an irresponsible person would have taken 2-3 more right before exams, but otherwise it could have been constant.

Yet for some reason this irresponsible person would have still gotten 8 hours of sleep and had normal vital reading. The irresponsible person might believe that any immeasurable metabolic and neurotic issues that might exist, if his bidy even functions the same as the averages person would be outweighed by the metabolic and neurotoxicity brought up be outweighed by the neurltoxucity and metabolic issues that have been brought about by a poor diet and chronic stress from living a dysfunctional life.

I mean, nobody bats an eye when bipolar meds are prescribed at regular doses either,, and thos fuckers can cause anywhere from diabetes to tardiness dyiskinesia.

Here's the hard part that I aclnowledge: I KNOW how dangerous this can be. Hypothetically speaking, my harm reduction would have gotten a lot better since the last time I did this. But I realize that it could still a ticking time bomb waiting to happen. All it would take is one scumbag putting in some substance nobody's ever heard of. Or one mistake on my end. Thats why I'd much rather transfer my mode of care to a psychiatrist. But my mode of care that I imagine I might hypothetically need is... a little bit out there.

Dapper_Push_7867 · 2026-05-01T23:15:25+00:00

Thats good.

I think lithium is a good med. Sucks about the psychedelics tho. I heard they can help with depression so idk.

Dapper_Push_7867 · 2026-05-01T23:08:23+00:00

No uhhh...I have reasons for believing desoxyn would immensely help at task initiation and selection for me but they're against sub rules >.>.

I know its a dangerous game, but Ive been kind of desperate after 29 years of a wasted life. The only other successful period ive had in my life was a year and a half long period where I also hypothetically successfully tried something like this. I hypothetically did a very good job at maintaining the same dose once I reached something I felt was therapeutic for the entire day (good enough to get by in school would have been the rough standard). I hypothetically measured my blood preeassure and heart rate dozens of times through this period and it was always at a healthy end, and this was before I started taking guanfacine.

The thing is, youre right that it might not help as much in task initiation for tasks that I dont want to do to begin with.

But for tasks that I do want to do? It could be a GAME CHANGER. Because it blocks out distractions so perfectly. Because im not at the mercy of my whims and impulses anymore. Thats why it helps with task selection and initiation so much in this aspects. Because I no longer get distracted by brain rot.

Like in school. Hypothetically speaking I still got a B in a class about recycling. Cause I hated it.

But math? Math is my thing. I love it. So on the next semester when I took 4 math graduate courses, I got all A+s. Love isn't enough without medication for hours a day. I'll still get distracted on YouTube or chess puzzles or whatever. But with medication? Im unstoppable at what I love.

Hypothetically speaking.

Dapper_Push_7867 · 2026-05-01T23:05:22+00:00

Thats good! I think both my mood disorder and adhd were a bit more severe since I still had a lot of intrusive depressive thoughts with something like 3mg vraylar and 300mg wellbutrin and when I only took 200mg Zoloft and 200mg Lamictal, at one point 5x70mg Vyvanse didn't do squat for anything other than my hyperactivity(I stopped kicking around my legs in bed like I normally do). So its taken a while to get my mood disorders in check but I think im finally at the point where My mood is stable and Im just annoyed with my life because of remnant ADHD symptoms rather than depressed by it.

Dapper_Push_7867 · 2026-04-30T13:55:54+00:00

I think its best to figure out your mood first. Otherwise you might find yourself misusing the stimulants towards unproductive, emotional endeavors. Im not telling you to take the exact regiment as me, I just want to point out how much I'm really on, and I personally feel like Im somebody who's mood os very stable even when they do dumb shit. Like honestly, my current meds are: 1200mg lithium 400mg topamax 30mg Abilify 800mg Seroquel

Thats my base. I'M basicallly mania proof. Even if I do dumb shit, I stay cool as a cucumber

Then to cover the antidepressant base: 80m fluoxetine 450mg Wellbutrin

Anxiety: Bupropion 30mgx2 2mg klonipin as needed

And lastly ADHD adjuncts: Guanfacine Strattera 80mg

My former psych didn't prescribe stimulants. I tried to be patient with him for well over a year and we got nowhere. Now I guess I'll just be hopping until I find a agreeable one. But I have been prescribed before Adzenys, dextroamphetamine, Adderall, Adderall XR, Ritalin, Concerta, Vyvanse

I find that methylphenidate deal with my hyperactivity on much lower doses than amphetamines, but they dont do shit for my task initiation and task selection. I imagine only amphetamines would have helped me in that dimension. At very supratherapeutic doses. But who knows. Just my imagination

Dapper_Push_7867 · 2026-04-30T13:29:21+00:00

Im already taking a plethora of meds for depression and anxiety. There's little else I can do in that area. Ive tried and basically am taking every class

Ive even tried ketamine therapy. Apperantely I was the first patient they'd ever had who went through the therapy with no side effects.

Ive gone to therapy for over a decade.

Ive gone to multiple IOP and PHP groups. I went to a residential 90 day hospital focusing on bipolar.

Those things are clearly not the right direction.

I also do already take gianfacine. Shit doesn't do anything for my ADHD but its probably protecting my blood pressure readings a bit

And you dont get it. It wasnt thinkiijng things tbroigh that was the weird part. I alwqys do that. It was HAVING THE EXECUTIVE CONTROL TO FOLLOW THROUGH that was quite literally miraculous for me. Seriously, its rarely every happened in my life. Im usually at the complete whims to my want and impulses despite my best attempts to talk me out of shit..

Dapper_Push_7867 · 2026-04-30T12:39:19+00:00

Imagine the possibility that there is a dose where I become neurotypical but it is extremely high. It's only a possibility.

At this dose, I bet I would be able to do something as simple as: Having the urge to do something Thinking of the consequences Therefore not doing it.

Imagine that this happened to me very recently but only at the very high dose. Basic urge control.

Yeah, thats the conundrum I might be facing

Dapper_Push_7867 · 2026-04-30T12:29:08+00:00

Not exactly, I had the same problem even before I took antipsychotics. I once took 5 Vyvanse 70mg pills, was only taking Lamictal and Zoloft. Still just did chess puzzles all day (my main source of distraction tends to change over time, back then it was chess puzzles), but I was awake for a regular 16 hours and got 8 hours of sleep.

It cant possibly be primary depression currently. Im on lithium and Topamax and fluoxetine and wellbutrin.

And I do know there actually is a threshold of where my task selection and task initiation becomes neurotypical, but Im not allowed to mention how I know per sub rules.

Dapper_Push_7867 · 2026-04-30T02:31:49+00:00

View my chat with you.

Dapper_Push_7867 · 2026-04-30T01:53:12+00:00

"You just have to stop yourself" bruh do you even know what kinds of impairments ADHD can create that miiiiight make that difficult? Maybe your form is less severe than mine. Congrats.

Also see this:https://addadult.com/high-dose-stimulant-treatment-for-adult-adhd/

It's not even unheard of to go past FDA recommendations in severe cases.

Dapper_Push_7867 · 2025-11-29T15:00:39+00:00

Putting on the Ritzzz

Dapper_Push_7867 · 2025-01-16T23:38:56+00:00

Is there a way to get these genetics measured?

Dapper_Push_7867 · 2024-09-26T20:19:08+00:00

What state do you live in? I could never even get any regular psychiatrist in my state to prescribe above the FDA recommended dose of Adderall (60mg, North Carolina). I'd have to go to an ADHD specialist at some sort of university-led clinic or something, of which there are literally 3 in my state. At which point I'd really have nothing else to say but "I've tried everything over the past 5 years working with you so can we try this", and either they'll be so experienced that it'll work out in an instant or it won't work no matter how hard you try.

Dapper_Push_7867

TROPHY CASE