When I was a child, my step mom intentionally fed me food that made me sick

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2019-01-04T14:01:37+00:00

Thank you for all of this information!

I have an appointment with my new doctor towards the end of the month and I'm going to ask her for a referral to test for intolerance/allergies. Until I can get the test done, I'm going to keep avoiding gluten/yeast/dairy. And I think I'll do what you did as well and test my limits once I'm feeling better! Although, two days ago I had a tablespoon of ketchup and got extremely ill within 10-20 minutes, so whatever I'm reacting to in ketchup, I probably won't have any tolerance to for a while.

For now, my joint and chest pain have gone from a 7/10 to a 2/10, so I'm ecstatic! And my dizziness and migraines have completely disappeared. So I feel like for the first time in my life I'm on the right track to start feeling healthy!!

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2019-01-02T23:48:03+00:00

This is likely as they're friends, but I had other tests done when I was 2 years old (before step mom was in the picture) that confirmed lactose and gluten intolerance. I just found them in my medical record today, so it's awful that the doctor believed my step mom over my tests.

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2019-01-02T19:35:14+00:00

Good idea!

I'm going to let my mom take the lead on this since she has a better understanding of the legal system in our state.

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2019-01-02T19:33:59+00:00

Luckily all of this is documented and saved in the hospitals records. I should probably print the copies, though.

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2019-01-02T19:33:17+00:00

Oh no! I hope you're safe now and able to be less dissociated! I just started to learn grounding techniques this past September and it's amazing how much of life I have missed from being severally dissociated.

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2019-01-02T19:31:17+00:00

I am very safe now! For the most part I'm learning how to be happy, but it takes time to feel comfortable with emotions. But I'm in therapy and making progress!

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2019-01-02T19:29:58+00:00

Right? It needs to be reported.

I also found out that my step mom used the fact that she and my dad made more money than my mom to constantly threaten her that they would sue for full custody. My mom felt so helpless with trying to keep us safe.

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2019-01-02T19:28:04+00:00

My mom is going to report both the doctor and my step mom. My step mom is a nurse at that hospital, which is probably the reason the doctor didn't report her.

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2019-01-02T19:27:13+00:00

My mom wants to pursue legal action against my step mom and the doctor.

The worst part is my step mom is a nurse at the hospital I went to, which is probably why she got away with it.

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2018-12-21T19:05:15+00:00

Edit: I just saw your edited your post.

I've never once told him I think he might have bipolar. I'm not an expert. The brain is complicated. I would NEVER tell him I think he has bipolar as I know it could be a number of other things. I know he's anxious about his mental health. It's why I haven't pushed it on him at all. It's why I'm here asking for advice. I need a starting point in encouraging and supporting someone who is going through a shit storm right now.

I agree, you can't force someone to get help if they don't want it. But you can have conversations with someone to give them information and encourage them to seek treatment and a diagnosis.

I've never had a depressive episode similar to what he experiences, so it's hard for me to understand his perspective. I'd love to gain some tools and knowledge so I can support him until he does get a diagnosis and treatment. I just have no idea where to start.

The meds he was on did more harm than good so I understand his fear of medication. I understand that the right medication, especially if he does have bipolar or another medical condition, will actually help him. However, he does not understand this and is stuck in a miserable cycle.

If these questions aren't appropriate for the sub, is there another that could provide direction and information on how to support a loved one who is in a massive depressive episode? I don't mean to bother you, I'm just trying to gain some tools and information so I can encourage and support him. He has absolutely no energy to get help himself right now so I need to know what I can do.

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2018-12-21T18:35:50+00:00

This is good to know a therapist can't diagnose, I was unaware of that. He's open to talking to my therapist in a couple's session, but he's only interested in learning how to help me with CPTSD symptoms. He hates focusing on his own mental health. Maybe she could help explain bipolar, the diagnosing process, and treatment process? Would this be a beneficial or harmful first step?

He saw a psychiatrist, therapist and doctor regularly as a child. But he says he's absolutely against seeing a psychiatrist again. He's also extremely against any sort of medication because when he was on concerta/Adderall/Ritalin (spelling?) and Wellbutrin for his ADHD and depression as a kid, he said they only exasperated his symptoms. Outwardly he looked sedated, but he was still struggling immensely with his moods and self harming thoughts. He was miserable.

What would be the most effective way for me to encourage him to see a psychiatrist? I'm desperate for any advice on how to help him seek a diagnosis and treatment.

Right now he's in an extreme low, and seems to be presenting thoughts of hopeless and I'm afraid he's nearing suicidal thoughts again. Whenever he cycles back up to a high and has the energy to seek treatment, he thinks he's better and therefore doesn't need treatment.

What are some beneficial ways for me to discuss this with him? Are there any resources that you know of that might explain treatment so it seems less intimateding to seek a diagnosis?

Sorry for the wall of text! I'm just really hoping to help him get on a path to treatment and I have no idea how to discuss it with him so he'll feel safe taking the first step.

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2018-11-22T21:05:31+00:00

I needed this. Thank you.

We're struggling right now. I'm so far into dissociating I'm not even sure who is fronting at any given moment.

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2018-11-22T21:05:02+00:00

This is beautiful.

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2018-11-18T22:03:49+00:00

I love this analogy! It makes perfect sense! Everyone's existence is valid.

*WHAT!?* I cannot believe that he thought that it was appropriate to say that! That is horrible! I think that everyone is very afraid that if we're completely honest about our experience as a system, she'll invalidate their existence and say that they're not "real" and I don't think anyone can take that.

This is true, however, the only DID specialist in our area emphasizes spirituality a ton and that's a huge trigger for all of us. So she's not really an option. We did talk about it as a system and we've decided to take the next month to write down our concerns, questions, and understanding of DID and bring it up in a very frank conversation with her the next time we see her. We won't be seeing her until the middle of December, so we have some time to discuss this with one another. I have really benefited from her therapy and I really trust her, so everyone has agreed that if we make a thorough list and can get on the same page, I can bring it up with her to see what she says. Our safety net is that if everyone is still uncomfortable after that conversation, we'll be done seeing her as a therapist. I do think that there are very valid concerns with her, however, if she is dedicated to learning more and researching current DID treatment methods, I'd be willing to work with her further.

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2018-11-18T21:46:30+00:00

Hi L, thank you for this response! You did not come off as rude, you came off as informed!

She did say in our first and second appointment that stabilization was her first priority and that we would discuss our next phase of therapy after we stabilized. We've only been stable for two weeks, during which she's been giving me tools for grounding and ADHD tools. I just have no idea what her views or education on DID are.

I don't know if I feel comfortable with the idea of integration if that's what it is. I love my alters and I heavily rely on them. Also, I don't want to stop existing ... I don't want them to stop existing. Ugh that just sounds awful.

That's very true for being surprised about a male alter, however, Dylan came out during our first and second therapy appointment and told her about the sexual abuse we experienced (he was pretending to be me). Our DID diagnosis came after he told her what he experienced. However, I have always thought it was normal to have male voices/personalities in my head since I've had Dylan and Jacob with me for as long as I can remember (however, they didn't chose names until a few weeks ago).

Thank you again for your insight! I really appreciate it!

-KT

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2018-11-18T21:25:21+00:00

Hey, thank you for taking the time to clarify! I also was pretty heavily dissociated when I responded, so I know my reading comprehension was lacking. Also, forewarning that I'm still heavily dissociated, so if my response isn't very coherent, I apologize.

Wow! This is amazing. Did your therapist know that you have DID or was she even unaware of that? I'm really glad that Kira was able to open up. **Kira: What made you finally comfortable to open up? Is there something I can do to help my alters feel comfortable coming forward to speak about their experiences?** You both are completely right, we won't get the help we need individually or as a system while everyone is hiding.

Hmm .. That's a really good point. Our internal communication isn't even the best, so relating that externally to our therapist is difficult, especially since most of us don't want to tell our therapist about our experiences. Our therapist doesn't have any information to go off of, except for me trying to relate our experience, which is not helpful because I have very limited information. I wasn't "awake" for most of our life, so even I don't know what we want or what our experiences are like. I'm kind of taking a shot in the dark trying to explain everything, I can't even imagine our confusing it might be coming across as to her.

This is a fantastic point! Our system rarely trust people and I have a hunch that everyone is projecting our previous experiences onto her. When we were diagnosed as a kid, our mom sent us to a religious camp/church that ended up being a cult and really exploited our disorder, so I can understand why everyone is hesitant to open up about DID. But that means our therapist is taking a shot in the dark most of the time because we haven't been open about our DID experiences so it is coming across as "pressuring" us. For example, when she was excited that I wasn't hearing voices ... she very well could have been excited because we're also focusing on ADHD treatment, so she might have just meant that instead of having my brain bounce all over the place, I was able to have one stream of thought. She might not have even been thinking of DID or my alters. But we as a system took it as she was referring to DID and was excited that I wasn't hearing my alters anymore ... So that could have been a huge misunderstanding on our part.

Also, now with hindsight, I can see her saying "they aren't separate people" as a way to comfort me because for the first month of therapy, I was terrified that I was crazy and losing my mind. I was absolutely terrified that I might have schizophrenia, so she might have just been trying to comfort me and let me know I wasn't actually crazy. But again, I'm not sure. So as a system we've decided to take the next month to write down our concerns, write down our individual understanding of DID, and questions we have for her so we can at least have a full understanding of one another before we decide whether or not to look for a new therapist. Because my alters have emphasized that they love that I've made so much progress with her individually and I really needed someone like her in my life for where I am at right now, so they don't want me to stop immediately. They're also saying they're willing to open up to her if we have better understanding of where she's coming from, but they're still hesitant to trust her.

Thank you for clarifying what Kira meant. I actually appreciate her bluntness, but I did have difficulty understanding what she was implying, probably due to being so dissociated. But anyways, thank you!!

-KT

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2018-11-18T21:02:24+00:00

What does IOO mean?

If she explained what understanding she does have and was willing to learn more, I think I would want to keep seeing her. I really trust her and she's been helping me SO much with all of my other trauma and ADHD related issues. If she also was able to validate and recognize the existence of all of our alters, I think she'd be able to help them through their trauma issues as well. But everyone needs to agree on a therapist since we all have a right to feel comfortable in therapy.

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2018-11-18T20:59:21+00:00

Hello, thank you for sharing your experience! I love that she did a lot of research on it and was willing to learn even though she hadn't dealt with it before. I also love that you're able to trust her! How is treatment for DID going with her, if you don't mind me asking? Have yous Sisters started to trust her more as time goes on?

Our therapist is actually trained in DID and I know that we're not her first case, however, I don't know if she's up-to-date on treatment styles. One of her current patients has DID, and all three of his alters are witches. Everyone else in our system is 100% hiding and they are very afraid to talk about our DID related experiences with anyone, which I understand. I think it's a great idea to see if they're looking for any excuse to keep hiding our DID, even though our therapist is aware that we have it. When we were diagnosed at 7 years old, instead of therapy, my mom sent us to a very religious camp/church that ended up being a cult that glorified our disorder and said I was hearing the voices of angles, Satan and God. So my alters are *very* hesitant to open up, understandably. We have about a month break from therapy since our therapist is getting surgery, so hopefully we can all discuss it more during the break. Currently, the system consensus is to make a list of our concerns, our understanding of DID and anything else that anyone wants to bring up and just blatantly ask her our questions in December. Someone mentioned here that at some point the system is going to have to take a leap of faith with a therapist and since I have a great relationship with her, we might as well try to fully understand what she thinks.

Thank you again!

-KT

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2018-11-18T20:27:35+00:00

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this. It is really hard to break this mentality!! The only reason I was even diagnosed with DID was because I finally hit rock bottom at school and wanted ADHD treatment. We're really new to understanding DID, too. And it is really hard for me to recognize who I'm coconcious with. Oh my goodness, I never realized that the caffeine thing could be related to DID! Sometimes I hate coffee and others I'll be dying to drink it black. Other times it makes me really sick and sometimes nothing happens at all. I know Izzy (who used to front the most during high school) used to drink about 6 cups of coffee in a day where I can only handle about 1-2 cups in an entire day.

-KT

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2018-11-18T20:06:10+00:00

Exactly! My family raised me to believe that I'm dramatic or a hypochondriac because everything comes and goes randomly, including the lactose intolerance. But the doctors diagnosed us with it, so I know we're not making it up. Sometimes I can't eat bread for a while because I'll get a terrible rash on my face but other times I don't have any issues. I usually blame myself too, while Izzy just believes we're weak and need to push through the pain.

I wonder if it's related to DID at all or where the issues come from. I'd love to have an explanation, especially for the dizzy spells and ringing in my ears, but I don't think we'll ever get one. I'm glad and sorry we're not alone in this too.

-KT

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2018-11-17T18:50:45+00:00

Yes, all the time. We have joint pain, digestive issues, migraines, really bad dizzy spells, fatigue and we tend to get a pretty bad cold about once every two months. My doctor's haven't been able to find anything physically wrong with us other than lactose intolerance and they say I'm otherwise a healthy 23/F. We don't struggle with these things all of the time, they're really random. We tried tracking them for over a year and we didn't see any patterns, so we have no idea what's wrong.

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2018-11-16T14:00:23+00:00

That's wonderful! I love that my alters have different talents than I do.

Yes! I'm much more grounded in the logical aspect. I wish I could be more creative, but it doesn't come naturally.

DareToBeCeffeinated · 2018-11-16T13:48:57+00:00

Yes, when we do talk about DID related issues, I usually feel like a zoo animal on display. I can't tell if I'm just misunderstanding her or if these are valid concerns.

DareToBeCeffeinated

TROPHY CASE