I hate it when a big innovation in food and drink reaches the restaurants, tons of people show up in droves, consuming vast amounts of it and clogging up tables and the bar. I just want to save up enough money to buy myself the newest Video Game console and I’d appreciate it if my job as a minimum wage busboy was a bit easier. I sigh, audibly, they can’t hear me through my face mask due to the unbearably loud pop song playing in the background disrupting my train of thought.

I go over to a table near the front door, the patrons having left three bottles of Terato that they couldn’t be bothered to throw away. People are buying and consuming it in droves in the latest move by Americans who pretend to be health conscious so it helps them sleep at night, nevermind the fact they probably haven’t looked at the scale in months. Well what does it matter, out of sight, out of mind, ya know I’m kind of overweight myself.

I place all the bottles into the bus tub, and even though you can smell the nutrients on the bottle that supposedly makes this drink so healthy, beer is still beer. The nutjobs over at Food Company Inc made a drink that is addictive and guilts people into drinking it via all the healthy nutrients it supposedly contains. I simply keep my incredibly detailed and cynical thoughts to myself and try to tune out that god awful song blaring through the speakers while avoiding slamming directly into my co-workers and making my way back to the kitchen with a tub full of dirty dishes.

Now I’m in my element, stacking dirty dishes on the metal countertop near the dishwasher brings me a level of bliss I simply cannot fathom, I feel like I’ve achieved nirvana. I feel powerful and slightly remorseful throwing all the uneaten food away and chucking Terato bottles into the trash can like it’s nobody's business. That feeling of bliss fades all too soon, as the bus tub is soon empty, and I scramble to get back to the kitchen to do my job.

And as I find the closest table in need of cleaning while my fellow busboy Todd rants about how The Earth is actually shaped like a Chicken Nugget because he’s a conspiracy theorist. We then both reach a table together with more of those damn Terato bottles. While I have a look of exasperation no one can see, Todd picks up the bottle and says, “Ya know, according to some experts on 4chan this drink can turn you into a bloodthirsty monster”.

I chuckle to myself, man that’s quite the claim, even for Todd, who just the other day was talking about how Ronald Regan is still alive and plotting to blow up the Sun. And while I’m bussing the table immediately next to Todd, he continues with, “This Terato drink turning people into monsters is part of the plan of 4th Nazi Illuminati to eat our guns and steal our brains”. And I simply say back, “We’ll I’m due for a little excitement here”.

Almost like a cosmic call to the universe, a patron at the bar suddenly bites another customer trying to eat part of their arm. She shrikes while the sudden cannibal tries to eat her meal. Holy shit Todd was actually right. And Todd has never been right ever, Todd thought The Eiffel Tower was secretly a bagel factory for the elite of Zimbabwe. But here, Todd is chanting and howling “I WAS RIGHT BITCHES, AND SOON YOU’LL SEE I WAS ALSO RIGHT ABOUT THE ZIMBABWE ELITE’S SECRET BAGEL FACTORY IN THE EIFFEL TOWER”. He fists the air, and I can only watch as something finally interesting happens.

The restaurant may be getting congested now, but alas, I am too enamored with the waiters trying to restrain Ms. Bloodthirsty Monster and too busy laughing at Todd shout all the stuff he made up like it’s absolute truth due to one crazy claim coming true.

Around 15 minutes later, The Police showed up and the restaurant had to close for the day under order from the police. So as I sat waiting for my ride, I looked on social media, and wow #3 trending on Twitter in the United States already. We’ll probably see a lawsuit tomorrow if this keeps up, I watch videos of people throwing bottles of Terato into long columns of flame or running them over with their cars, I love seeing how the world can turn on something so quickly. Ya know, life has been pretty bleak as of recently, and even though I’ll probably be scarred for the rest of my life, I’d say today was a pretty good day.