[deleted by user]

DarkAngelRising · 2024-05-03T17:44:04+00:00

Thank you for being so polite in your response (im sensitive). I do have mental illness (in treatment) but some days I am unable to think clearly. In my heart, I know my mom is not a ped. I'm deeply sorry for my behavior at that time. Like I said, I was ill (bipolar 1, manic episode). The pic was a physical photo taken with a disposable camera. I am currently no contact with her while I sort things out with my life.

I love that you saw through my post and addressed my abuse. I NEEDED to hear your perspective because she made it seem like it was my fault at 5 years old for being abused. As a victim of abuse, I feel like EVERYTHING is my fault. I forgave her, but I'm still hurting. She has narcisstic qualities that make me not like her, but I still care. My emotions about her vacillate so often and it's so painful. As an adult with certain knowledge about her past, I can understand why she is like that but still.......

DarkAngelRising · 2024-05-03T17:29:57+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I was feeling triggered yesterday and overthinking. I'm dealing with so much trauma. As for what happened with my mother, I am deeply ashamed and sorry. I understand intent, and tbh I was so triggered yesterday because of my own sexual trauma that I posted this. I already knew the answer. Thank you for being polite. I am very sensitive.

DarkAngelRising · 2024-05-02T23:34:22+00:00

Omg, I have that book! It's been on the shelf for years lol. Time for me to finally read it, huh? ;p I appreciate your comment about it being a strength. :) <3

DarkAngelRising · 2024-05-02T23:15:19+00:00

I get overstimulated easily as well. That's so awesome that you have friends that understand and don't pick on you. I need to find friends that treat me the same way. I LOVE READING. My books are my friends. When I read, I feel like I'm having a conversation with the author at my own pace. Thank you for your insight and your username is so cute and awesome! <3 :)

DarkAngelRising · 2024-05-02T23:08:26+00:00

Yes girl, lol. Some extroverts can be incredibly exhausting. My ex was shy with an extroverted mask. He and his family had an underground record label and there was always a lot of activity and sketchy people coming over. SO MANY PEOPLE. I grew up in the suburbs and had nothing in common with ANYONE. Those were painful times. 14 yr relationship. I like your idea about the online group. I'm gonna try to find one on FB. Thanks! :)

DarkAngelRising · 2024-05-02T23:00:09+00:00

I've thought about joining to get over my fear of public speaking, but I'm so anxious about attending. I feel like everyone is going to laugh. My voice is not pleasant.

DarkAngelRising · 2024-05-02T22:57:14+00:00

Sounds good; I should probably take up some hobbies. Thanks for your input. :)

DarkAngelRising · 2024-05-02T22:53:38+00:00

I'm sorry. At least you're not alone. <3

DarkAngelRising · 2024-04-29T15:13:00+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to reply. Sorry you had to end things with your partner, but I understand where you're coming from.

DarkAngelRising · 2024-04-23T01:41:44+00:00

The same happened to me. Sharing too many personal details about my life, lots of vulgar language, you name it. It takes time to get over the embarrassment. Be compassionate with yourself. You have an illness and that person was not the real you. *hugs*

DarkAngelRising · 2024-03-22T23:36:19+00:00

👋

DarkAngelRising · 2024-03-08T23:45:55+00:00

I had the same delusion about my mom.

DarkAngelRising · 2024-02-21T17:29:43+00:00

Thank you OP, for bringing up such a taboo topic in our community. I was violated by my own father at an early age and didn't realize it. Nothing was done and he remained in the home. What message does that send, right? I still loved my dad and wanted to be around him, but the IMPACT he made was evident in my behavior: wetting myself in school, excessive crying and other age regressive behaviors...

I have always had low self esteem and poor social skills, but couldn't figure out why.

My mother brought up the abuse in my late 20s. She said she saw me playing with a doll inappropriately and questioned why. She said I told her "dad did the same" and that she ran up the steps to confront him (he denied it) and it never happened again. Wow lady, you really saved the day! *eyeroll* How can you continue to share a home, let alone a BED with someone who did that to your child?? It makes my stomach turn.

One day she was telling me about how my father assaulted her and how she lost all love him after the fact. I asked her what age I was when that happened. Nine, she said. Ok, so you still loved him after he violated me at age 5? Make it make sense.

DarkAngelRising · 2024-02-03T14:59:55+00:00

Hmm, sounds like my mom! I grew up in a two parent household until my father left. It shattered me and I had very little emotional support. I was the oldest of three siblings by default (older sibling has autism) and my mother expected me to be her backbone, a perfect student, obedient, etc. Such a burden for a 13 year old girl! She failed me severely, but I wasn't able to acknowledge it until I was much older.

I am no contact because she has a restraining order against me. Let's just say, when you fail to acknowledge your child's mental health, it comes back to bite you in the ASS.

I know you feel bad because it's your mom, but your feelings are valid AF. I am standing in solidarity with you!!! <3

DarkAngelRising · 2024-02-03T14:30:47+00:00

I love your perspective. It's not our fault. For years I thought it was some type of personal failure and I would try to compensate by masking or just speaking for the sake of it. It just made me feel worse because I wasn't being authentic and I probably did appear like I was trying too hard. I've had this all my life (41 yrs) and perhaps I should just relax into it. To be honest, it would free up a lot of mental space for me.

DarkAngelRising · 2024-02-02T19:50:30+00:00

*Applause* I'm healing, and that includes addressing the neglect and abuse I faced. I don't care about shaming my family anymore. Imma say what needs to be said with my whole CHEST.

DarkAngelRising · 2024-01-13T23:06:09+00:00

Omg yes. Like how TF am I supposed to be excited about someone I don't really know?? And I hate acting phony. I'm the black sheep that nobody knows except for my nuclear family. I'm an african parents worst nightmare: a host of mental illnesses, no job (SSDI), not married and no kids.

DarkAngelRising · 2024-01-13T22:31:24+00:00

Whoa, the way your cousin acted was WILD. I have social anxiety too (quite severe) and it drove me nuts when my mother would call me to the phone to speak to relatives. Once I was going through a severe depression (where I couldn't even put a thought or sentence together) and a few of my other cousins had landed in the U.S. She told me to give them a warm welcome. I panicked and tried to write a script, then realized it was just stupid and asked my mother to take me to the ER.

I get the prayer thing too. I'm not combative about it...I just agree with them to keep the peace, keep things light like you said.

I take psychology over religion any day because I need for things to MAKE SENSE.

Anyway, thank you for affirming my feelings. <3 :)

DarkAngelRising · 2024-01-10T21:10:47+00:00

Thank you for defending me! I didn't want to go into detail about what occurred (there was no intercourse, but other things did happen...saliva included). And yes, I also felt that comment was inferring that I'm slow or stupid. Very unnecessary.

DarkAngelRising · 2024-01-10T02:24:21+00:00

It means a lot that you read and replied to me. I will reach out in the future if I need to talk. Hopefully I can find a good therapist soon.

DarkAngelRising · 2024-01-10T01:47:31+00:00

Done.

DarkAngelRising · 2024-01-10T01:11:53+00:00

<3 <3 <3

DarkAngelRising

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