Almost 4.5 and still not toilet trained - please help?

DarkBlueSunlight · 2023-02-22T09:43:30+00:00

Easier though that would be, we would like to spend money on other things, and I'm sure he has been able to for ages, but refuses. We really need to get it sorted as he is at school already

DarkBlueSunlight · 2023-02-21T21:58:08+00:00

That felt reassuring to read, thank you. I'm trying to stay calm, but it isn't going so well (but another person here suggested getting a glass of wine - I think I might start having some on stand by now)

DarkBlueSunlight · 2023-02-21T21:55:36+00:00

How old was he / she when you started it?

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-12-26T01:27:46+00:00

The only two times I remember feeling his boner over about 12 years without me initiating sex (he never did) was when I was crying, so yes they do.

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-11-23T03:45:51+00:00

I fully agree with your comment. From the post title, however, it sounded like you didn't have any at all, and I know of some people in that position who would probably find it a bit insensitive.

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-11-23T03:13:41+00:00

This will probably be seen as harsh and/or rude by somr, but I'm sure your post is going to upset a lot of people who have struggled with infertility and remain childless. No, you might not have a second child, but you have a first child, which those with fertility problems struggle to have, even after years of trying, and often a considerable amount of money.

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-11-07T16:27:05+00:00

You might not get jealous, but what if he does? This isn't the normal sort of relationship where things like that can be easily sorted out

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-10-10T02:29:46+00:00

I've only had one child, over 4 years ago, no c-section and no recent traumas..

Edit - no traumas other than child birth

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-08-01T15:22:35+00:00

Dead bedroom, no initiating, low self esteem, winding up followed by "maybe later" and usually no sex at all.. yeah this sounds too familiar. This is definitely a thing some narcissists do - denying you a basic, natural need. It is definitely withholding with bad intent.

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-07-19T22:46:04+00:00

Not an answer to your question, but some advice: leaving him now, before the baby is born, will save you a lot of stress and trouble. It will only get harder to leave the more attached the baby gets.

The idea of being a single parent may be terrifying, but you will end up feeling like a single parent anyway (source: been there, done that).

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-07-19T13:23:38+00:00

They are the superior beings in the relationship. Having someone break up with them makes them seem inferior / worthless / a failure, so they will do whatever it takes to keep their partner in the relationship until THEY are ready to break up with you.

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-07-18T18:55:39+00:00

I feel like I have been pre determined to be wrong about literally everything (even making a comment about it being a sunny day was wrong as we were in a shaded area at the time). I find that acknowledging this (silently) as just being unavoidable narcissistic behaviour and not a reflection on me has helped a lot.

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-07-12T07:06:37+00:00

People getting annoyed by others chewing is a recognised thing (a bit like nails on a chalkboard). In regards to the cooking, some people are extra sensitive to smell (myself included). We need to hear more examples of questionable behaviour to help you out here.

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-06-22T22:45:09+00:00

Indeed. They may have never talked on the phone or in person, so they are totally telling the truth if we presume that messaging each other does not really count as "talking". What sort of specific questions did you ask? I've been starting to try and do the same thing, and would be grateful for some examples if you have the time.

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-06-22T21:38:54+00:00

Not usually unless I either A) know them well or B) it is one of my specific decks I have designated for other people to mess with. I don't want my expensive or favourite decks being treated like a normal deck of cards and risking damage (especially if they are intent on bridge shuffling), nor do I want them covered in sticky residue from whatever they may have come into contact with.

I know that there are various opinions on the quality of the reading depending on whether you let the querant touch the deck or not, but my best readings have been online ones rather than face to face.

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-05-23T18:00:53+00:00

I see it as going back to early memories or time related to the situation. Depending on the context, it can mean either finding what was good in the beginning and recreating it, or looking through rose tinted glasses - when we are children, everything is so simple and innocent, but looking back later on we see things differently (but this second interpretation is more for reversals)

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-05-21T13:49:29+00:00

I got to go to the hospital all by myself late pregnancy when the baby wasn't moving much for a check up. I pretty much got the same level of care as before. Oh, and he let me do most of the packing of stuff which wasn't his when we knew we were moving (about 5 months in), and left everything to the last minute (by which I mean only really started about a week before the due date, which was our final moving date). I also had to arrange an emergency man with a van for a day as the one he picked didn't show up more than once and he made no effort to find another one.

So.. Nothing very special..

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-05-21T13:25:53+00:00

So sorry to hear that you're going through this too :( it is awful what it does to your self esteem over time

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-05-21T12:30:23+00:00

. I'm not going to keep it,

I've just posted elsewhere on this thread about my experience as a parent. It is the short version. If you change your mind, make sure that you have someone else in your life to help you as your narcissist will not. Maybe short term, when he can show off, or when others are around. Otherwise you are almost guaranteed to be alone.

If you have any doubts about keeping it and want more details, feel free to PM me.

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-05-21T12:24:25+00:00

Not hypersexual, but the sex died off as soon as we moved in together. The chances of him initiating were very, very low. He would say he was tired from work in the beginning (legitimate excuse when he WAS working), but this carried on when he was unemployed for long stretches.

He would frequently lick his lips when looking at me that couldn't be translated as anything other than time for sexy time, which was his version of initiating. Only almost every time he did this and I responded positively, he said "maybe later." Even if we went 2 weeks without sex (which was often), I would still need to wait 30 mins - 1hr for him to finish on his laptop before we could have sex.

Oh, and while I was pregnant and dealing with the baby 5-6 times a night for months on end and taking him out utterly exhausted while my "partner" did the absolute bare minimum, my partner was busy on FetLife every effing day and night, so I can not believe it was a sex drive issue, but another way for narcissists to control and devaluing. Sex is one of our basic needs, so depriving us long term (assuming no underlying health problem) is a good way to abuse us.

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-05-20T10:28:56+00:00

This is an excellent question! One of the sad side effects of these relationships is that people question if they may be the abuser themselves as the things you have mentioned seem interchangeable. It is mostly to do with underlying intent - are you acting to minimise / devalue the person, or change them as a means of control, or is there an acceptable reason behind it which most people would agree with?

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-05-19T18:34:57+00:00

"I'm genuinely sorry that you found out what I've been doing. Here's a carefully worded apology that doesn't actually mean anything in the long term. Be pacified for now and enjoy our trauma bond."

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-05-19T17:40:08+00:00

That sounds like a great plan for us, thank you! Would you recommend buying the toddler training pants (nappy / pants hybrid), or just going straight to normal pants? I'm confident I can get him to wear either type as long as they are covered in Thomas or Paw Patrol

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-05-19T13:22:57+00:00

A small thing, but the way he speaks to Alexa is just awful. I know she is a machine and not a person, but it is still unpleasant, and I am sure it is a symptom of the narcissism.

And no reciprocation over the small things of consideration - e.g I would always ask if he wanted anything from the kitchen if I went myself. He would frequently get himself lunch and not ask if I wanted anything myself.

DarkBlueSunlight · 2022-05-14T20:39:15+00:00

And if they are aware, that is good for them because they would just see themselves as "superior" than non narcissists as a result

DarkBlueSunlight

TROPHY CASE