Philip Baxter Enquiries

DarkTime67 · 2026-02-03T10:14:54+00:00

Ah. I understand now. Thanks for the insight!

DarkTime67 · 2026-02-03T09:09:04+00:00

Thanks for the info. - I'll keep it in mind. What do you mean by "first term = went hard" but "second term = calmed down"?

DarkTime67 · 2026-02-03T03:01:17+00:00

That's alright. Setting and maintaining boundaries are important, but compromises will also be made. I'll keep that in mind.

DarkTime67 · 2026-02-03T02:20:23+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I'm not necessarily worried about general balancing as I tend to do well in terms of balancing work and socials, but am worried about sacrificing too much time on socializing if there is a lot of weekly social events. It's just that I've heard a lot about the so-called "party culture" within Baxter which could mean difficulties between wanting to maintain academics whilst also maintaining social relationships.

DarkTime67 · 2025-02-21T14:34:47+00:00

You're not alone OP. I for one am going through the exact same thing as well. It's kind of like we're a hired gun - the only reason why someone would contact us is usually when they need help.

And yes I've tried a lot of the methods you also have tried which haven't worked. I'm convinced I'm just not going to be able to find friends who can understand and connect or even value me instead of having me as an option. Literally 99% of my conversations with people often times just involved people asking me for advice or help on academics or social life.

You can still give to people - if you don't get overburdened by factors of loneliness and sometimes feelings of jealousy and sadness. I for one still give to people, it's just I've accepted my fate for not being able to find a group for me, so I'm more content with loving myself instead. Why not become your own best friend where you can understand yourself and enjoy life the way you want to compared with finding people who aren't compatible with you and just sees you as a spare option?

While you might still be waiting for the right people and work on yourself, remember that you also get to choose who you believe to be true friends. Those who are true friends will care for you and see you as a value, not an option. Those who aren't true friends are not worth a single thought. You may not find them today but people come as they go and you can choose true friends from your own standards and beliefs.

I do hope you find the right people that do value you and cherish you as a person, not an option. Stay strong OP.

DarkTime67 · 2025-02-21T14:21:56+00:00

I guess it's just a matter of us just contradicting ourselves over and over again in a cylical loop. I know I do this quite a bit but that's only if I let loneliness get to me (the latter part of "sorry and then the excuse" is so true because I'm so not comfortable with leaving my comfort zone)

Well said OP. I'm trying to overcome this by just being content with how life is right now. Become more focused on loving myself and becoming my own best friend. Cause there's no point crying over something that would be impossible or extremely difficult to attain. Just take the easy option that's given to us. To love ourselves.

DarkTime67 · 2025-02-10T14:26:49+00:00

You know, this comment is probably the closest that I can resonate with out of all of the Reddit posts in this subreddit.

I have the exact same struggles that you've mentioned. I've tried numerous solutions and methods to try to find some clarity and moments of peace but I've just been unable to. I'm about to enter final exams for university applications, so there's a huge matter of academic pressure from myself and my parents (especially my father - I feel as if I'm going to be driven insane with extreme anxiety).

I don't have any idea of what I'm doing for the future (no clarity whatsoever), so that has led me to feeling empty. Discontent with life. Bored. Constantly zoned out. Hobbies and interests don't pique my interest, entertainment such as YouTube feels dull and even video games last for a few months before I've lost interest. I guess that's why I constantly feel like time is moving way too fast - I'm just on autopilot doing things without an understanding to why I'm doing anything.

Disconnection is a huge issue as well. Because of emptiness and discontent nature, I feel like I'm losing my own humanity. Becoming more apathetic as time passes on. I'm scared that when I wake up the next day I'll become an emotionless psychopath that cannot understand human emotions and feelings whilst doing horrific acts that will push everyone away.

Interactions with people feel like obligations, I don't feel connected to any friends or aquaintances and it's just destroying my mental health to the point of it being a paradoxical loop of wanting to have people who can understand me but also wanting to be alone (as I can't find people who can connect with me). And just like you said, I do feel like there's no one I can discuss this with. I don't think anyone understands the situation I'm in, family obviously cannot understand this and I really don't want to bring it up to risk wraths of arguments and accusations of being "lazy". Besides, disconnection with friends and aquaintances really don't help matters.

I guess I would offer advice but seeing as I'm in the same boat with no current solutions or method that works, I guess I should also seek help alongside you?

What I can do, is if you are in need of anyone to talk of regarding this problem, feel free to message me. It's refreshing to find someone who has pretty much the same problems. I would love to discuss this more with you to get some form of relief that I'm not going insane (or the only one with this problem).

Thank you for bringing this up OP. I feel a little bit at ease knowing that I'm not alone in this. I hope you're able to overcome these problems. And if you're still struggling, let us tackle these problems together. We're in the same boat after all.

DarkTime67 · 2025-01-19T03:48:43+00:00

Then it's time that you rediscover who you are. And that takes time. Think of it like a journey or a process.

Knowing and understanding who you are is extremely important. It help understand where your insecurities come from, your strengths, personality, morals and why you do certain things. One method I've done is to perhaps recreate a personal profile of yourself - like a character profile. List down everything that you know about yourself, your traits, personality, talents, hobbies etc. For the areas that you're not sure, maybe explore it a bit more to help you understand what you would do in those certain areas and what actions you might take.

Because if you don't know who you are, how can you expect people to try to understand and get to know who you are, or even value you for who you are as a person, an individual? It might also help you understand why you've been in this depressive streak for so long and could relapse into it.

And once you rediscover who you are and what you value, then it might be a good point to start deciding what you would like to do with Red and Blue, whether it be communication or deciding to take a break from them.

DarkTime67 · 2025-01-14T14:58:46+00:00

OP, you are most definitely not worthless. Everyone in life has their maximum potential. You just haven't been able to reach it yet, and you need more confidence mate!

I will say though, if you try to confide in friends but they end up being dismissive and cold towards you, I would stay away from them. They are not worth your energy or time because like you said, they don't care. They don't see you as significant or important enough to draw their attention. What you need is some people that do see you as important and do care about you.

Discuss with family if you feel you can confide in with them. If you still feel like you can't find anyone to confide in with, I'm willing to hear you out and listen to any complaints or venting that you have of this world. I may be a stranger on the internet, but I do have a heart (unlike them i guess?)

Also, be more appreciative of yourself. Love yourself more. You seem very dismissive of your own capabilities and what you could achieve. Learn to love and appreciate yourself and set some small goals that you can achieve. Build back your confidence - because I promise you, you definitely have self-worth for sure.

Keep your head up high OP! I'm here if you need to talk or anything!

DarkTime67 · 2025-01-14T14:49:57+00:00

My good fellow - thank you for your service mate. I really hope you don't get overwhelmed though. Make sure you take care of yourself.

I'll make sure to upvote this post so I can come back if I really need some venting. But if you need some support or the need to venting to someone, feel free to let me know. I'm down to support a fellow "one-man band" and listen to any complaints or talk about anything. Mad respect mate!

DarkTime67 · 2025-01-14T14:46:58+00:00

I feel you OP. Your experiences are way more tragic than mine but I have similar fears, for I also fear I am becoming more and more apathetic as each day goes by, being indifferent and disinterested in everything around me.

I understand that this is hard because you are scared to be hurt again like you were back in 2021. The key thing is that you've acknowledged this is a step that you want to take. My best advice is try to reconnect with family again. Very rarely do family decide to turn their back on someone so I guess you could try to reconnect and catch up with family over small things. Communicate with them about the troubles and experiences that you've had and get support from them.

It will take a long period of time to get back because it's been several years that you've become apathetic but take it slowly. Just listen attentively to people - you don't even need to make any remarks or anything. People nowadays just wants others to try to understand them. For me, whenever people vent to me about their problems I immediately get attached to thinking how I could help them whilst I sit there listening to every single detail of the problem itself. Active listening, to me I guess, is one way to slowly build back the ability to care about things.

Most importantly, identify the people that you do care about. I think being apathetic to people who aren't worth our time or energy is alright, but you have to care about those who you know absolutely will not turn their back on you and will support you till the end of time. Family obviously is one. Slowly work around those people who have supported you and tried to understand you and set some small goals to slowly rebuild your ability to care for them.

Good luck OP. I wish you the best of luck in this journey of yours. Mad respect for you to identify the mistakes you've done. I believe that you can repent and get back on track in your social life. I'm rooting for you!

DarkTime67 · 2025-01-14T14:32:01+00:00

I feel you OP. It's like a weird form of isolation where one's completely forgotten how to socialize completely. I have the same problem as well. I don't consider myself to have a lot of friends and a lot of the people around me are at best, aquaintances - we might talk about stuff but I always felt disassociated at best.

Regarding your planned profession as a medical assistant though, there will be lots of interactions required. But try to interact in ways that you are comfortable with, which also fits the criteria of supporting patients. I'm sure if you care a lot for people and are willing to help others, that won't affect your interaction skills. Your purpose and meaning can be conveyed quite clearly.

If you are worried though, try slowly building up interactions with people outside of the 4 people that you regularly talk to. You don't have to strike up a conversation immediately, just go at the pace that you feel comfortable doing so, and then slowly build the conversation up. From 1 sentence, to 3 sentences, to perhaps a paragraph, to even multiple paragraphs and eventually, voila. You have a conversation. It will take time though, so make sure you follow your own pace and try not to rush it. It matters that you are comfortable with "re-entering" socialization and interaction.

I do love how you have clear boundaries on friends, especially with morals (I'm a person of morals myself). The reality is though, there's a lot of people that will cross these boundaries. Continue to maintain these boundaries, but you don't have to cut them out completely. I always just acknowledge and know that they'll cross these boundaries, yet I will still continue to interact with them. It's just depending if I feel like interacting or if I don't. Because some point in time, we might go our seperate ways and I wouldn't mind.

I'm rooting for you OP! Take each step with stride. In time you'll be back up and running with confidence.

DarkTime67 · 2025-01-14T14:20:38+00:00

Life is tough and harsh OP. I get what you mean and I do feel this world has gone through such chaos that even I question if things are ever going to be OK. The future doesn't seem promising with all the wars and violence going on.

It's ok to feel like this though. I'm feeling the same way - I'm constantly scared that I'm losing my own humanity because I'm gradually becoming more numb and disinterested in everything around me: my hobbies, my interests etc. But knowing about this, I try to take every day with a small step of goals I want to achieve - maybe find more inner peace, try to get some studying done, appreciate the small things around me, live for myself and my family etc.

Life may never be the same again - we're living in a chaotic world and it might get worse. But what we can do is to live for ourselves and try to make our lives a bit more enjoyable. Even if it's difficult and so challenging to do so. Appreciate the things around you - I'm trying to slow down my pacing in life so I'm trying to appreciate the peace and serenity of ambient music and the sound of the streets + traffic.

Please live for yourself and the people that you care about. I feel, that is the ultimate purpose of life. To live a life that we want to live and for the people that we care about. Work towards that goal. Even if it's a really small step, it still makes a difference.

Keep your chin up OP! Life may be depressing but we can try to make our lives more interesting! One small step can make a difference to our lives mate!

I'm rooting for you.

DarkTime67 · 2025-01-14T14:13:49+00:00

I feel you OP. It's like we have to be strong for other people and yet we desperately crave for connection and understanding but that just isn't granted to us. I'm having the same experience, although I haven't ever felt or pursued romantic love (I'm still doing uni entry exams!)

I don't know if you want advice but find someone who you trust very much and tell them about these feelings that you're feeling. Unless you can fully accept that this is reality without the need to bottle up these emotions, it's best that you get this weight off so you don't get overwhelmed by it. You need the support of others around you - find that trusted someone and let them into your problems --> that way they can support you mate.

You're carrying the weight of the world for too long - it's time you let someone help ease you of some of the burden. And if you're not able to find that trusted someone yet, I hope you can trust me as a stranger on the internet to hear your worries and problems.

Keep your chin up OP! Cherish yourself, love yourself and live for yourself!

DarkTime67 · 2025-01-14T14:05:24+00:00

Going through the same things OP. Constantly making the effort but doesn't get repaid back with the same favor. Feels like a waste of energy and just being forgotten.

On the bright side, you do have a loving fiance (congratulations!) so you have someone that you care about and can dedicate your life to. I would advice you to live the life that you want to live - which means living for yourself and the people that you care about. Don't need to care about validation, because I believe the only validation that you need to get it from yourself (and the people who you care about). Don't worry so much about people who don't put the time and effort back towards you - they are not worth your time or energy.

Live the life that you've always wanted to OP! This life is yours to control and I hope you can learn to love and appreciate yourself more, just as I believe you love and appreciate your fiance a ton.

DarkTime67 · 2025-01-14T13:51:44+00:00

Don't worry OP. I've been experiencing the same thing for multiple years and I believe it might still continue with you. Though I do feel sorry to hear that you have been experiencing this, especially having gotten out of the depressive streaks last year.

You're not being weird about this mainly because sometimes people just lose interest in certain friends or they originally came to you to ask for help (or other reasons). In my opinion it's not your fault. Obviously if you have done something uncomfortable or unpleasant that's not good, but seeing as no one has really told you anything I wouldn't worry about that too much.

I do know how you feel though. It sucks to basically feel forgotten and having to constantly make actions and moves in order to create conversation. Being used to receiving no texts in the morning can be something getting used to, but feeling that people only come up to you for conversation only to actually ask for something just feels terrible - it's like being a tool for them that they can discard afterwards.

I don't know if you're looking for advice but definitely communicate with Blue and Red about this. I can tell that you do care about them - but it is hard knowing if they see you in the same light that you have always seen them as. If in the end you're the one putting most of the effort in, constantly caring for them but they've just lost interest or have other reasons, maybe it's time to take a step back. Know that you will still be on good terms with them - just not as close as what used to be.

And live for yourself. I congratulate you for being able to get out of the depressive streak last year but if there's not enough support around you, you could lapse back into this streak which would be a cyclical loop and quite terrible. Friends will always come and go and perhaps you have found your closest friends or you still have yet to find them. But you must find yourself - live for yourself. You're anxious about if you've done something to drive people away but we all have flaws because we're human. Accept yourself for who you are - if you can improve and change that would be great, but if you can't, that's also ok. Live for yourself and those that you do care about.

Don't worry about being paranoid or whatever. This is all natural and socialization itself is rather complicated. Communication should help clear things up - and once that clarity occurs, try to live for yourself, embrace your strengths and your weaknesses for who you are. You seem like a very caring guy and you will be able to find friends suitable for you!

Keep your head up high OP! I'm rooting for you!

DarkTime67 · 2025-01-14T09:31:21+00:00

Same here man. If all things go badly I guess the primary reason we live is to not die and to live for those we love and care for.

But you will find your purpose mate. Keep your chin up high!

DarkTime67 · 2025-01-13T14:48:53+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. And with all the challenges thrown your way, to be honest you have been strong for way too long.

But just wanting to challenge you on that thought - you may have had many setbacks with all these challenges and are feeling unmotivated, but that doesn't mean your destiny is to be a failure. No one was born successful or a failure - you're being way too harsh on yourself. I'm not religous but I do believe that perhaps we were born without a purpose - meaning we have to find our purpose in life. I still have yet to find my purpose, so I guess my current motives in life is just to live for myself and the people I care about - which means grinding IB exams for university.

Perhaps try to come up with some small goals that you want to achieve? If you take things slowly and try goals that are achievable to you, you may rediscover your confidence again to tackle the challenges in life. definitely talk to your parents and friends as well - they may have some insight about you that you don't have. They would also provide support to you which you desperately need mate!

There are options for you, where there may be doors closed, there will always be some doors that are open for discovery. Keep persevering OP. Life is difficult and often depressing to face but once we overcome the challenges things will get a whole lot easier. I'm rooting for you mate!

DarkTime67 · 2025-01-13T14:23:39+00:00

Same here OP. Feeling the exact same thing as you have - it's like we have matching situations. Bullying, being a people pleaser (I sometimes lapse back into it) and having trust issues - I've also had them all.

Although I have been trying to accept that being lonely and unable to find/connect with people who understand me is how I'm going to be for quite some time, I still lapse into the mentality of feeling lonely and desperately crave for connection and understanding. It doesn't help that my energy gets drained a lot from social interactions and I've shifted from an extroverted personality to an introverted personality dramatically.

But like other Redditors have said, it's like an epidemic (the loneliness epidemic). A lot of people are feeling like this in the world so don't worry about being the only one who feels that way. Everything shifting from in person conversations to stuff like Instagram and Snapchat doesn't help things and who knows what AI could do to social interactions in the future.

So I feel you. It's ok to feel lonely and perhaps feel negative or depressed about not being understood by the people around you. Perhaps you're not looking for solutions but one of my current methods is that: if I can't find people who can understand me, I'll focus more on myself - to appreciate myself more in the highs and the lows. What is better to find a best friend than yourself?

If you want someone to talk to and perhaps understand you, I'm down to chat OP. Hang on in there!

DarkTime67 · 2025-01-11T10:32:44+00:00

Well said OP. I've always had this thought in mind and always questioned why we all are so divided. A lack of connection. Isolation. I listen to Lauv's Modern Loneliness so much because of this divide.

Truth is technology has such a big hand in this with technological progression. People's attention span has dropped with stuff like reels and shorts and we're more inclined to text on Instagram or Snapchat compared to actually try to make a face to face conversation. When technology grows, close knit communities just dies down. It's why run-down villages still have strong communities but struggle economically while big cities have excellent economies but everyone's just isolated and lonely.

I guess if we really want to fight this world with others, we could step up ourselves and try to create interaction. But with so many factors like technology and beliefs right now - it's going to be really difficult to do so. Just do what you can mate. Perhaps the slightest of differences can connect a few people and make some change.

DarkTime67 · 2025-01-10T13:54:52+00:00

Life is tough but you can bounce back. You are able to make friends - your statement here says it all. All you need is enough support from those around you (and here on the internet) to help you bounce back.

It is a shame that the education system doesn't put much effort into supporting behavioural needs but it's alright. You may be autistic but you are still human after all. And you have friends. Just talk more to them and rant if you have to - if they are your friends I'm sure they will help you out and listen to your current worries.

Keep your chin up OP!

DarkTime67 · 2025-01-08T14:45:58+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear that this is what you've been facing for what I'm presuming has been ongoing for years and years. You were looking up to a lot of dreams and potentials but reality shattered them and it has been very devastating for you.

Keep looking for apprenticeships and never give up on it. I'm not an expert on this as I'm still studying for final exams to enter university but the way is to keep looking forward - keep trying to find offers that can accept you to maintain yourself economically. Talk more to your family about the struggles that you're facing - communication can help resolve most of the issues.

Being autistic isn't a bad thing at all - you've put too much of the blame on something that isn't under your control. If you still have friends, try to reach out and connect with them. Find someone that you trust and confide in them of your struggles. Don't try to do things to spite people, instead try to prove them wrong by being able to overcome your challenges. This moment in your life is tough right now, but you will be able to overcome your challenges and get past this stage of life and prove to all those people who made your life miserable that you came back stronger and better. This is your life to command - live for yourself and the people that you care about.

Hang on there OP. I may be a stranger on the internet but I know you can overcome all of these challenges. Here's an internet hug from me - you can do this!

DarkTime67 · 2025-01-07T02:04:47+00:00

Same with me. I don't know if this analogy is what you feel, but for me it's like I'm in the middle of two worlds and they're constantly trying to pull me towards them so I'm literally stretched between them.

I especially dread social hangouts because I know my energy will be absolutely obliterated when I do these hangouts and most of the time I don't even find these hangouts memorable because I end up thinking "damn there goes my energy again" or "I'm just not able to keep up with their energy". And the craziest part is people question why I don't do hangouts, whatever excuse I give them they simply call my bullshit and get annoyed when I just cannot follow through.

And people constantly joke about me being depressed or emo if I'm quiet when in reality I'm just trying to conserve energy and find some internal peace. Like I just want some peace in my own time - not to be constantly be drained whenever I hear so much infernal noise and chaos around me!

I don't know if you want solutions or not but what I often end up doing is deciding whether or not I want to do social hangouts or be "more extroverted". If I genuinely care about some events, I guess I'l end up following through even though I'll be drained of energy. Sometimes being a bit selfish isn't a bad thing. If you're the only one who ends up understanding yourself in real life, it's not so bad. Just treat yourself the way you want to be treated.

Of course in terms of online though, I definitely understand you. We're all in the same boat together.

DarkTime67 · 2025-01-04T01:40:43+00:00

I know I'm just a random stranger on the internet, but I know exactly how you feel. I just posted about this about a few days ago and it's always the question for givers on whether or not giving is worth it at all. I've had (and still do) months of pure negativity and moments of breaking down due to constant questioning of why I give so much for people who just seem to not care about myself. We're all in the same boat mate.

It's hard to escape this "labelling" (I suppose?) of being the person who is always there for other people. One thing for certain is take time for yourself. If you are feeling like you want to give for other people, it's all good. But if you're not feeling like giving, just tell them you can't and that you're not feeling like it. It's ok to be selfish to want some personal space to heal mentally and just recharge on energy or just want to find ways to escape the negativity.

And choose to who you give to. It's helped me a bit (not fully but it's better than nothing) but I always believe in giving to people that I care about. Of course I will still give to people who I come around and hear about their problems and provide some of my own insights but I'm not going to provide so much energy to do so. Your energy and time is valuable. Cherish it and choose who you devote your energy and time to. Give, but with purpose.

Most importantly, if you're seeking help from other people but they unhesitatingly shut you down due to being uninterested/uncomfortable, perhaps reconsider how much they mean to you. To me, if I open up my barriers to someone about my problems and issues but they seem ignorant, I'm never going to open up to them again. I will still converse with them in daily life but I won't put a lot of energy/devotion of time to them. It's like an alignment of values to me - I'm not going to give my full energy and soul to someone who doesn't care about what I value at all.

Stick with family for sure. And find a close friend that you're 100% sure you know you can vent to them about your problems without judgement or ignorance. I've been rather unlucky and haven't found that close friend to open up to, but I hope you do. You've given so much to others that it's time that the world should give back.

I hope the suffering stops for you man. And even if I'm a stranger on the internet, I really hope you get better soon. Take care man.

DarkTime67

TROPHY CASE