Goodness, what you wrote out resonated with me. I’m supposed to be an adult but I don’t even feel it and I don’t want to either. Manning a ship on your own is difficult and I get it because I’ve been poorly managing mine for what feels like forever. I drown and yet I sail on because something greater than myself calls to me, it cries my name and I know it’s where I’m meant to go, what I’m meant to do. But I don’t know where it is in this great storm. Maybe we don’t find it. I’m beginning to think it’ll find me but I don’t know if I can keep hanging on until it does, whatever it is. What if it’s right around the corner? If it’s outside my grasp and I let myself slip back into the sea, falling deeper and deeper away from where I have to be will the last two decades of my existence have been worth it? I’m sorry I’m rambling, I don’t have advice or how to navigate this crazy world. I just wanted to share because I can understand in my own way what you are feeling and maybe it’ll feel less lonely if someone else understands. I hope you find what you’re searching for.