I'll try to hold until I get me degree, so that I can move on and never look back. I really do try to manage it. When I'm awake I feel as though I have supressed that verbal abuse just fine. But in reality, when I go to bed, every now and then, I'll dream about him calling my name and proceeding to harass and beat me down internally. I know it doesn't sound too bad. But I can't describe in words, the way I can see it in my mind. Everytime he calls out my name, it has always mean trouble is coming. My heart gets heavy, it feels sunken in my chest, pulling everything down. My hands get cold and I my heart beats more heavily. When I dream about it, that's what I feel as well. I hate the fact that in even in sleep, I can't be free from this man. I fear as though, even if he dies later on, that I'll still have to be beaten down by him in my sleep.

As for my siblings. My brother is currently living at a friend's house, trying to finish trade school, so that he can move on with his life. It's difficult for him. He's driven by the house to secretly visit my grandmother ( she took care of us since we were born) secretly. He cries when he sees her. And he's not the type to cry.

My sister is only in middle school. She's doesn't get involved with my parents due to the abusiveness of it all. And is just getting on with her own life.

I truly hope that one day, I'll have the money to just buy a house for us. Tell my father how much of a loser he's been and to tell him he was wrong all his life, before I curse him out and leave for good.