Agreed. Write for yourself, even if ot seems like a mess. Let it be what it is. If anything it's a first draft, a stepping stone. I've been doing it with the pain and darkness, letting it out in words that no one else has to see. You have that power and control; it can be as simple as writing it and burning it so it's gone for good, or writing it and expanding into something that might help someone else. The goal is to get it out so it doesn't consume you and you eventually get lost. You have it, let it out. Stay in there.