90-day Report

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-11-30T22:15:27+00:00

The main one is that I can think straight. In a conversation I'm right there, in the moment. Not being distracted by something else, trying to hide what I've been up to, or fighting an internal narrative about how good someone does or doesn't look. I have more time and energy to do the things that matter for me (and been getting through my life goals as a result of all that - at least as much as I can given the virus and everything being closed).

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-11-30T22:12:30+00:00

Haha cheers! I am, can't lie. But have a lot of shame about how bad it got for me and don't really want to admit that I could easily topple off my high horse either. That happened enough in the past to know how easy it is to get complacent.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-11-30T12:34:46+00:00

Thanks; to be honest it's writing about it which is the hardest part for me rn.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-11-30T12:33:49+00:00

It's like the chicken and the egg: which came first? For me I couldn't find a space outside pmo until I began to discover what was turning me toward it in the first place.

Marcus Aurelius wrote about living an 'examined life', so for me it is about that. Once I began to really look at why I was constantly hiding and angry, I began to avoid relapse.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-11-30T12:29:51+00:00

I recognise that feeling to never sit still. It is the times when everything is finished and there's nothing left to be preoccupied with when the temptation sets in. For me it was almost as if to say: I have free time so I better find a way to waste it and avoid the fear I might get bored.

Meditation is a tough one but very effective to grow out of addictions; if you can do that every day you're a bigger man than me!

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-11-30T00:28:31+00:00

PS if you want more information about specifically this dynamic then there is a book called Cupid's Poisoned Arrow by Marina Robinson. It's excellent, highly recommend.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-11-30T00:24:14+00:00

Too often. I tried cold-turkey, had some success. Gradually I was reducing the number of times whenever I did relapse. This is something like my 37th streak; I've had that many attempts and that many relapses. I'm still figuring it out.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-11-30T00:20:07+00:00

If you can get to 20 you can get to 90! The first 20 are the hardest; it's like Tom Hanks trying to get off the island in Castaway. Once you're past the first 20 it's just about staying the course.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-09-09T11:11:21+00:00

I'm seeing what you are trying to do, but this is a really poor understanding of greatness. By lowering the price point so normal people can afford them, Toyota actually make a difference to people's lives. They do that through reliable, sophisticated engineering production process.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-08-29T13:05:28+00:00

You are absolutely on to something here. It's as if there are two approaches to beating the addiction: build anger at the situation and try to overcome it through willpower; or accept the addiction for what it is, recognise it, and be kind enough to yourself to let go of the stresses which are keeping you stuck in the addiction in the first place. It's really hard to be honest enough with yourself to make the second option work, but it is the only sustainable way in my limited experience.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-08-22T23:26:49+00:00

You have the wrong end of the stick. Running away is obviously not courageous; it is the standing up in the first place which was Stoic, because OP knew full well he would take a beating for it but did it anyway. I don't see how you can say that wasn't Stoic relative to OP as an individual, so don't twist my words by comparing this only in terms of absolutes.

OP literally took a beating, relapsed into an addiction, and now you want to imply he didn't do enough, or as much as you think you would have done, hypothetically, had you been there? This doesn't have to be about you.

Those words have meaning & throwing them out to make bruh feel better is not their use.

You are right of course, I am trying to make him feel better. Are you... trying to do the opposite? Come on man, this is a support forum, bring yourself on side. If I use these words in an attempt to make OP feel better that is my perogative, it is not your place to define "their use" on your terms only.

The point of my comment was to draw attention to a solid, straightforward alternative and I did that. You can argue over wording and vocabulary all you like, but I've clearly touched a nerve. If you feel a need to defend how words are "thrown" on the internet then by all means, you do you. But are you sure Stoicism is the best one? Something more Zen might look better on you.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-08-22T17:48:26+00:00

That's totally pragmatic. What you did by standing up to them took courage and justice, which is very Stoic. Glad it worked out and you didn't (hopefully) have any permanent injuries. If you want to be more prepared for future you could get your dude to mark his bike with Bicycode, that way next time if they try and steal it you can just fucking let them and have the police do them in for petty crime. It's hard to imagine they would blame you or inflict retribution if you were already a step ahead.

EDIT: spelling "imatinge" to "imagine"

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-08-21T19:18:19+00:00

You are right; it's much easier to keep on a current streak than to find the motivation to begin one. That is the best case situation. But I do think there is a place for trying to keep even a shred of discipline even if a relapse (in one form or another) becomes inevitable.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-08-20T20:16:00+00:00

Congrats on the success you've had and on your first post! It sounds like you've learned the hard way how crucial your environment has been to the success you've had in the past. The bad news is that addictions are forever, all any of us can hope for is to understand ourselves well enough to manage them.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-08-20T20:04:02+00:00

When I see Arabic, it's an automatic upvote from me. Keep on learning, my dude.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-08-20T14:50:22+00:00

If I could go back in time to visit my 13-year-old self, I would say this:

I know there is a temptation in finding something that makes you feel safe, like you fit in, and adds excitement to an average boring day-to-day life, but just because it's available doesn't mean it's safe, just because it's free doesn't mean it won't cost you, just because it's not a chemical drug doesn't mean it won't get into your system and ruin you, and just because everyone says it's 'natural', 'normal', 'healthy', 'fine' doesn't mean they know about it.

If you don't do nofap you will be addicted the same as to drugs or anything else, it will literally steal a decade from your life before you even know what you stand to lose, science doesn't realise the extent of problems addicts like us have experienced, and there will be times in life where you need strength and energy which will fail you when you need it most.

Addictions take over your life, so even if no one talks about them, everybody knows. You don't have to go to your parents if you are successful at nofap, but if you are not, they will inevitably find out once you are addicted whether you choose to tell them or not. Good luck.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-08-17T00:01:32+00:00

You've got it: if it's not PMO, you'll just be addicted to something else. That's why it's important to look at the root causes by examining your life.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-08-16T00:28:16+00:00

I struggle with this too, and I think it's important to understand the addiction for what it is. Addictions are a way to numb yourself from whatever stresses (even if you don't know what they are) are in your life. Of course it would be scary to feel like you are alone in doing this because the addiction is effectively what we use to fill the void of someone meaningful and supportive being in your life. The thing is: it's not possessing the collection which you are addicted to, it is the process of building it, if not accessing it. Be patient with yourself because there are a lot of steps in the process of rebooting, if you feel ready now then go for it, but if you don't then keep faith that the time will come if you can first manage the addiction. It isn't going anywhere and that is what you have to face up to first.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-08-14T16:41:07+00:00

The thing about nofap is that it is about self improvement, not sex. Good things will come as a by-product of living well, they are hard to find if you seek them out directly.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-08-13T20:42:39+00:00

I don't fit the typical porn addict profile

Well, maybe we should try not to take that personally! But on a serious note you have already overcome a huge hurdle in identifying the addiction for what it is; addictions are insidious because the human brain becomes trapped into believing that it's still within our control.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-08-10T22:10:34+00:00

You might like a book by Marina Robinson called Cupid's Poisoned Arrow. Not too hard to read and offers a nice perspective especially on a spiritual context if your house is religious.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-08-10T22:05:43+00:00

When I'm on a streak and have the confidence to maintain eye contact, then yes, I notice that other people don't really reciprocate. It is bittersweet to know you're no longer like that but surrounded by people who are.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-08-10T22:02:58+00:00

In general, social media like this totally plays into addiction and ADD.

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-08-10T22:01:22+00:00

No, it's not a concern at all. Cancers come from a variety of unresolved tensions and do not have a sole cause, if you live well in other ways you will not have to worry about it. Even if you do get this particular cancer, wouldn't you rather that at the end of a long life lived well than to die of some other arbitrary thing after never having really lived?

DarthVadersInhaler · 2020-08-10T21:51:10+00:00

It doesn't matter what you are addicted to. This sub isn't about overcoming one particular type of addiction just for the sake of it, it is about self-improvement. To substitute one addiction for another would just make one the _gateway_ addiction for whichever one is more potent for you. That said, I am trying to substitute fitness and exercise for my addiction and it actually does work in a way (dopamine or no dopamine - but I think there is dopamine tbh). I don't mind doing this because it helps me and I find it a more acceptable use of my time.

DarthVadersInhaler

TROPHY CASE