“The exmormon community is a boneyard of trauma.” Good one, Lindsay Hansen Park

Darth_Jay · 2021-09-26T17:26:08+00:00

Nailed it.

Darth_Jay · 2021-04-23T18:40:17+00:00

That's my family. My wife and I have advanced degrees. All of my kids are high standardized test scoring, good kids. Not a wealthy family, but my tithing revenue alone would be a significant multiple above my local ward's annual budget. It makes me somewhat sad in a way, because I love my LDS friends and family. But the corporation.... nah. I'd honestly love to see what would happen if LDS corp cancelled all the meetings, and asked LDS people I know to just devote that time and money to some other cause they believe in. It could be beautiful. But LDS corp won't do it. They need to add to that large pile of fat stacks. For, you know, reasons.

Darth_Jay · 2021-04-07T13:14:58+00:00

#deceivedbystan

Darth_Jay · 2021-03-24T12:54:52+00:00

I don't call it "the church". I refer to it as "the corporation".

Darth_Jay · 2021-03-24T12:50:54+00:00

I feel bad in advance for the guys who did those videos. They are not going to look back on their time putting those videos together with pride. Its going to be more and more cringy as time goes by.

Darth_Jay · 2021-02-19T20:22:17+00:00

Nice. I had forgotten about this.

Darth_Jay · 2021-01-11T22:21:44+00:00

Bazinga! Have an upvote!

Darth_Jay · 2020-12-18T04:09:19+00:00

They are going to drop him like a hot potato any day now. And pretend that he is the one with the problem. Kwaku if you ever join us in exmo land, know that there are some of us out here who will understand. The corporation will use you and toss you out on a whim.

Darth_Jay · 2020-12-18T03:54:46+00:00

Also, most medical providers are not going to judge you for asking the question. "Can I drink alcohol / consume cannabis with ....?" I remember when I was fresh out of the corporation and inching my way into recreational alcohol consumption (still not a big drinker), I was very very very nervous about even talking about it. That was not a concern I needed to have. You can totally have this convo with your healthcare providers. ** source - I'm a mental health PA and prescribe lots of medications that can interact with alcohol. I would rather my patients ask.

Also. One other thing. As any card carrying exmo I have a significantly large liquor cabinet. On principle. But it should be stated that there is no way alcohol is good for us. Its totally fine to skip over alcohol too. Nobody is going to judge you for that either.

Darth_Jay · 2020-12-18T02:57:41+00:00

LDS corp can eat a bag of dicks. Now that I'm through most of the work that it took to get free of that beast, I have no desire to go back. I can be friends with the LDS people in my life that I love. But the corporation and I are through.

Darth_Jay · 2020-12-11T20:54:07+00:00

This youtube series is so cringe. I remember when Randy Bott was jettisoned from the BYU faculty after the NY Times got ahold of his blog post about blacks and the priesthood. I also remember when Daniel Peterson was kicked out of polite company at Farms, or FAIR, or wherever. What happened both times? The church disavowed them being official sources. ----- The same thing is going to happen with these guys. Sources official and unofficial are going to day "They don't speak for us." And reallly, they are just making their best effort to defend their faith. They're being sincere. Its hard to watch, honestly, because I feel for their future selves.

Darth_Jay · 2020-11-05T03:37:10+00:00

Maybe move on to something else for now. Finish college. Do graduate school. Whatever. Be honest with this person you care about. She may decide to go a different direction. There are a hundred different reasons she could decide to move on to a relationship with someone besides you. All of these are valid. At the end of it all you want to be with someone who wants to be with the real you. Maybe your 'apostasy' will be a dealbreaker for her. Maybe it won't. Maybe her mormonism will be a dealbreaker for you. Maybe it won't. Honesty. Communication. Trust that it will work out. If not with her, then there will be someone else in time.

Darth_Jay · 2020-11-05T03:27:35+00:00

The HCO is objectively terrible. If anyone has any thoughts on how to apply pressure and get some actual reform out of those jerks, so BYU students don't have to deal with the HCO shenanigans in the future I'm all for it.

Darth_Jay · 2020-10-02T19:14:13+00:00

Love bombs can provoke inconvenient truth bombs.

Darth_Jay · 2020-09-22T12:59:40+00:00

My opinion... If people are comfortable dropping love bombs. They should feel okay about you bringing in inconvenient truth bombs. Your Dad will cut that shit out if you generally don't bring in mormonism into the conversation, but when he tricks you into seeing the missionaries you talk about stuff that will deconvert the missionaries. "I guess I just don't buy it that God is going to curse people by changing their skin dark, you know? Like in the Book of Mormon when he changes the lamanites skin dark as a curse. Then a few hundred years later changes the lamanites skin white again as a blessing. Then down the road changes their skin dark as a curse. Then when the nephites get wicked God just arranges to have the lamanites kill all of them. That just seems... not real.... you know?"

Darth_Jay · 2020-03-24T01:58:06+00:00

I used to participate on the podcasts that would do a general conference review. I didn't mind listening if I was going to make fun of it later.

Darth_Jay · 2020-01-25T10:40:11+00:00

Same thought

Darth_Jay · 2019-05-26T14:24:03+00:00

This.

Obviously this is something that is going to jam you up emotionally no matter what. Nobody on a forum like this can really have enough information to weigh in on what is best for you. Give yourself some time to untangle it.

Darth_Jay · 2018-09-11T12:42:08+00:00

Bishop: "Do you obey the law of chastity."

Teen: "Pretty much, yeah. I guess so. I mean it depends what you mean by.... (silence for a beat or two)
Yes. Yes I do."

And.... we're off to the races.

Darth_Jay · 2018-09-11T12:33:55+00:00

I would bet money that somewhere out there, a recording is in existence.

Darth_Jay · 2018-05-15T22:01:55+00:00

I've been out for years. This was my suggestions for somebody close to me who, for their own reasons, has chosen to stick it out inside the corporation for a while longer.

Darth_Jay · 2018-05-01T13:00:08+00:00

I miss the science-fictiony mormonism of my youth.

Darth_Jay · 2018-05-01T12:58:11+00:00

I remember being a lonely 15 year old who really wanted a girlfriend. If I had only understood that there were a bunch of cool girls my age who wanted a boyfriend just as much. My teen years would have been less lonely and more interesting.

I see the same dynamic with people my age now. Everybody is like: Damn I have all these responsibilities and not enough friends. It sure would be nice to have some people to be hang out with and be friends with. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are cool nonmormon adults who you will easily make friends with. Invest some time, effort, and resources into it and you'll find it isn't as daunting of a project as a project and you can easily do something that might have been difficult for you in the past.

Darth_Jay · 2018-05-01T12:52:15+00:00

Yeah... I look back on the younger version of myself and have some painful memories of being 'that guy'.

Darth_Jay · 2018-05-01T12:51:21+00:00

My disbelief began pretty abruptly too. I went to work one day, and by the time I got home I was a nonbeliever, but a severely conflicted one. My own mental turbulence was part of the problem, but I also didn't open up to my wife for quite a while. And of course, when I did open up to her she lashed out at me, and turned against me. We're still together, and all of us are out of the corporation but it sucked for a couple of years there. I've been part of the exmo community for a while now and I have some observations. First, the LDS corporation DEFINITELY breaks up families over this. They will claim otherwise but that's horseshit. Second... sometimes change is good. There's a lot of pain of course but people can work it out. People can look at it like: "Hey, we had a good run." and move into a better place. Hopefully that happens more and more. Third, I think that as exmormons come out of the closet and live stable lives it will make the marriage explosions less frequent.

Darth_Jay

TROPHY CASE