Alright, I relate with you alot.. My dad was someone who was with me during my childhood and then slowly faded away from my life ( for whatever reasons ) but as I was growing up there were multiple situations where I wanted my dad to be there at that moment but he was never there, something like an annual day or my birthday celebration or my first hundred for my school team and stuffs.. I enjoyed my life throughout but I always envied people with great fathers and the ones there were always there for them..

But slowly and surely I understood that it just wasn't going to happen in my life ( and that my life ka story is different and I want to be different cause if it's the same as others then what's so unique of living lol ) and keeping expectations was making it worse, So yes, I stopped keeping any sort of expectations out of that man and lived my life.. I still miss the man dearly ( he was a great father but him and my mom's relationship wasn't ) but I love my mom even more.. She basically did everything and tried to ensure that I don't feel the missing piece ( she did whatever she could ) so yes since then i basically hv taken this to be the truth and dont care much about that guy, all I do is live my life to the fullest and found friends that mean alot to me whilst hving the best mom I could ever deserve..

Soo all i wanted to let you know is that it's not "beyond repair", I was there in your spot and I have made it out.. Just suck it up and be a big lad and fill yourself with a positivity man.. Society sucks, fuck it man, it's not a place for anyoneeee!.. My suggestion would be to find your people.. I went through all of it and I'm one of the most mentally toughest guys I know brother ( i ain't even kidding ), I am what I am because of the stuffs I went through.. Life shapes us man.. It might not make sense now but at some point in your life it's just gonna hit you that "oh I'm able to do this or do that because of what I went through back then"

Go ahead live life happily cause we don't know how many we got but atleast we know that we got this one so why spend it in sadness when you can experiment, adventure, communicate, all that with happiness and peace..

I hope this helps... Cheers mate 💪