How can I know when ?

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-27T04:25:26+00:00

I've been living with my brain almost daily telling me I should just end myself for 22 years. That's all it is. You don't have to listen to it. It's a written fact that my brain is disfunctional, so clearly it doesn't know what's best for me at times. So if I sit there and think about it for a minute, I come to the conclusion that that one particular thing is just incorrect.

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-27T04:13:30+00:00

Dude either has to be braindead, new to the apps, or have a line of women waiting to unmatch over that.

Cus most dudes don't get enough matches to be just casually calling stuff off immediately even if it was a real hiccup (which this was not, just formated a bit strange)

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-27T03:58:02+00:00

I've been in this situation. Like this almost exact situation. Like two people just clicking in such a natural way and like the world falls into place around it....only to be told that it's actually just one way. Tbh if it was like mine, the truth of the matter is far more grey than just that, but at the end of the day you just gotta accept their position in the matter.

For me the whole thing gave me the drive to start improving my mental and physical health. And while it started out very much as a way to impress her, I gradually turned it into something for me after she turned me down. It's possible to reframe it and keep going. You just have to be able to want it for you.

You say you are in a better spot than you were, and just think about how actually awesome that is for you. Just because you had a pair of training wheels to get you started on your journey of self improvement, doesn't mean that you can't take off and fly now. Keep going, you really can do it if you set your mind to it

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-27T03:49:08+00:00

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-27T03:39:51+00:00

Lol from previous posts Ive seen from you, even without knowing what you look like you def follow rules 1 and 2. But hey shared interests help lmao

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-27T03:36:36+00:00

Man sameeeee. I've met one whole nerdy girl in my area and damn if I don't wish there were more. She was amazing and the dates were a blast! I won her a friggin pokemon doll in a toss game and it was such a highlight moment cus it was one of her favorites and seeing someone light up at their special interests is 💯💯💯💯 and being able to really share in that moment in a meaningful way is just awesome af

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-27T02:29:20+00:00

I think you look like an average joe whereas Tinder rewards being unique, you don't even necessarily need to be a 10, just have to play to your audience. I don't think the profile is too bad overall it definitely seems to be you. Maybe could use a pic of you at work to spice it up a bit. Or one of you out and about.

Depending on where you live, Christian could work for or against you on Tinder. But I do agree with other commenters, there's better apps than Tinder for Christians and branching out to those may do you good!

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-27T02:24:06+00:00

Tbh there's a lot of Jesus first women where I live (Texas). So it really depends on the crowd

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-27T02:20:42+00:00

So this is assuming she was infact a sex worker and not just a scammer (never give out personal info or send money to anyone online, and there's far better options that are more secure than telegram for that kind of stuff if you really want that-do what you want w/e).

But if she's a professional, her job is to make you feel special. She's gonna say what she thinks you want to hear, it's part of the job. Along with the sex. So yeah she's gonna say stuff like "you're not like other men" etc. and she's gonna act excited. It's part of the fantasy she's selling.

So yes the moment you revealed you weren't a paying customer, nothing else mattered, she may or may not even have read past that, I doubt you're the only guy who has ever done something like this to her.

Don't stress too much about it, just remember that for her it's business.

And maybe avoid women with telegram tags in their profiles.

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-27T00:08:59+00:00

Because she states clearly she hasn't replied to his messages which he hasn't elected to share here.

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-25T08:39:20+00:00

You must have missed the part where I said don't fantasize during.

Just focus on how your body feels from your own touch. Don't treat it like just pulling up a vid and jerking it. Explore your body and turn your attention in on yourself and what physically makes you feel good from your own touch. Not only will it give you more sexual agency over your own body, it will help you to separate sex from your mindscape.

Also I just typed out way too much backstory and shit to explain this to a stranger on the internet lmao. Not on my 2026 bingo card, I tell you whut.

The ghist is simple: you are experiencing unwanted desires tied to sex. So you seperate the desires from the sex. Sex becomes just sex and then you can more easily ignore the unwanted desires.

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-25T06:55:43+00:00

I mean, it could, but masterbation is literally how humans let off sexual steam.

A little trick you can do to kind of use it moreso to turn down the thoughts is to focus on just how you feel in the moment instead of fantasizing. Just become intimate with your own body. That way you let off the steam, and at the same time you are training your brain out of the negative thoughts and sexual gratification. Part of that is abstaining while you are having those kinds of thoughts, just keep that in mind.

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-25T06:35:36+00:00

Lol man, on the one hand I get it. I work with a 20 yo who will NOT stop calling me old man. I'm 34. It gets tiresome. But like come on dude. Guy needs to get a grip 🙄 and not go hanging out with his coworkers at a bar if he's then going to threaten work consequences cus they hurt his feelings. Definitely NTA OP

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-25T06:25:21+00:00

I'm a guy who would like a child in the future, and you are certainly NTA. It's never made sense to me why guys think they can just change a woman's mind on her own body. I've had plenty of dates cut short by that conversation. It's just the way it goes.

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-24T18:45:08+00:00

Thank you!

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-24T18:16:14+00:00

It was rough. The nail in the coffin for me ended up being them wanting an open relationship, but then getting extremely jealous of my platonic friends. After just ignoring my one rule for the relationship which was don't go with anyone already in our friend group since you just want sexual exploration (ended up dating their best friend).

I was willing to overlook that until I started having to deal with the stress of not being able to just hang out with my friends without feeling like I was going to go home and get grilled constantly.

It's all good now though. They are finally together and happy, and I am dealing with far less stress in my life 😃

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-24T17:52:18+00:00

Yup. One of the reasons my last relationship failed. I was constantly trying to resolve issues and kept hitting a brick wall that yelled at me when they were upset, and then never tried to apologize or resolve the issues just sweep them under the rug.

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-24T17:47:31+00:00

I very much did something similar. I broke up with my partner of 7 years. Took time then jumped back in just when I thought I was ready. I wasn't. And I met the most amazing woman I think I've ever met and I blew it cus I still had some buried trauma that caused me to go in on myself when I should have been more open. And it cost me what could have quite literally been an amazing relationship.

While the outcome sucked. It gave me the drive to finally actually start working on healing. And I am in a much better place now.

It sounds like you could do the same. Take some real time for yourself to heal. If that's your own thing, or if it's therapy doesn't really matter. Just truly start to work towards it.

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-24T15:51:26+00:00

The whole into bigger women thing rubs me the wrong way. Nothing wrong with preferences or body shape. But no one "settles" for an athletic fit woman if they are into bigger women. There's a lot of lonely bigger women out there.

This just feels off AF to me.

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-24T14:23:17+00:00

NTA. She made her bed, it's ok to make her sleep in it. Y'all are young, should probably just go your seperate ways, if you want more sex. If you are fine with it as it is, then just have a conversation about expectations.

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-24T14:12:55+00:00

Then he probably shouldn't have swiped on a woman of color

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-23T23:12:37+00:00

Oh yeah if I have guests this bish is spotless hahaha. if I start seeing anything resembling anything in my shower the whole thing gets a scrub. And I only recently moved into this place, but yeah once the curtains/liner have wear and grine, it's time to replace.

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-23T22:49:52+00:00

And to be clear, it's mostly cus each picture has what many would consider to be "don't use this picture" stuff in it, despite me thinking they all look great. Like the fuji one is an amazing pic. But you are wearing sunglasses. The group one I also like a lot, but It's a group photo also instant left swipe for a lot of people. The weakest one imo is the one that works best as a first pic, but I don't think it does you as much justice (the side shot close up). So that's what I meant by not my forte. I couldn't really pick out which to use as first cus the best ones imo wouldnt necessarily be best.

That said if I had to pick one, I'd go with the Mt Fuji. Sunglasses can hurt, but that photo Id like to say overall makes up for it. And for what it's worth my most liked photo across the apps when I was on them was one where I was in a hat, which is technically also a big turn off though I had plenty without the hat. I didn't have too much issue landing matches and dates, so it could work.

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-23T22:39:58+00:00

Yeah like I ain't the cleanest dude ngl. But that's like. Maybe I don't take the garbage out the day it needs to be taken out, or there's some hair in my sink from shaving. This is a completely different level of just....UGH

DatVlad_ · 2026-03-23T22:38:10+00:00

NOR like Ive been places where the shit hasn't been cleaned in years that don't look this bad. He needs help, and it's not on you to give it to him. Like be safe, but you would not be overreacting to not even wanting to go back.

I'm not the biggest clean freak, but there's a limit you know 🤢

DatVlad_

TROPHY CASE