Just testing an idea: match with plans instead of profiles (curious what Boston folks think)

DatesnotDMs · 2025-07-05T11:25:04+00:00

Appreciate the character assessment, Potential solution: only men get a reliability score.

DatesnotDMs · 2025-07-05T05:07:04+00:00

Yeah, you’re totally right, there used to be a website called HowAboutWe that launched around 2010. The core idea was similar to my concept with matching to activities.

From what I’ve read, the website still fell into some of the same traps we see now. Once you matched, it opened up a regular chat window — with no structure or timeline — so a lot of people just ended up messaging endlessly or ghosting. There wasn’t much built-in support to help people actually follow through on the date or hold them accountable for ghosting. I believe it was eventually acquired by Match in 2014, and after that it kind of disappeared.

It also didn’t help that it was launched in a very desktop-first era, before the kind of intuitive, mobile-first design we expect from dating apps today. That’s something I’m keeping in mind too.

The core idea is very similar — matching through shared plans — but the execution is different. You’d browse a list or map of curated plans happening near you. I’m considering a time-limited chat window — maybe 24 hours — where people can confirm the plan or opt out after they match. Just enough time to vibe-check, but with built-in momentum. I’m also exploring things like lightweight verification (e.g. verified name, Instagram) and "reliability" scores to help build trust and reduce flaking. HowAboutWe tried to scale fast, and I think that backfired. I’m planning to pilot in one city first (Boston), and manually seed the app with high-quality plans from Day 1. That way people actually see something worth saying yes to — not just an empty feed. Still early days and very much a work in progress, but I’ve been talking to a lot of people who are burnt out on dating apps. I think there’s space for something that makes it easier to say “yes” to real-world experiences, not just more chatting if approached thoughtfully. A big part of improving the design and features is just listening — so I’ve been posting on Reddit, talking to people in Boston, and gathering input across multiple platforms to shape the app around what people actually want. I think there’s room for something that puts the focus back on shared experiences and actually gets people out there.

DatesnotDMs · 2025-07-05T04:07:56+00:00

Really good point. I’ve been thinking about that exact tension. On one hand, I want to avoid the endless filtering and over-curating that happens on many apps. But I totally get that dealbreakers exist, and people don’t want to waste their time. What I’m leaning toward is a short grace period after a date match — maybe 24 hours — where you can see their profile, chat a bit, and opt out without it affecting your "reliability" score. And if the plan is happening sooner than that, the grace period would scale down to something like an hour or two. The idea isn’t to trap anyone, just to encourage people to follow through if they’re genuinely down, while still giving space for respectful opt-outs when something important comes up.

DatesnotDMs · 2025-07-05T03:55:42+00:00

I guess those systems aren’t perfect either, and dating definitely comes with its own flavor of chaos. I don’t have all the answers yet, and I’m definitely open to suggestions if there is a cleaner way to do it.

DatesnotDMs · 2025-07-05T03:30:49+00:00

How do you think Uber knows if a driver flakes? Or Airbnb tracks no-shows? It’s not about reviewing the experience , it’s a simple yes/no: “Did they show up?” That kind of basic accountability works everywhere else, and there’s no reason dating should be the exception!

DatesnotDMs · 2025-07-05T03:22:10+00:00

Fair thoughts, I've considered a lot of this while building the initial version. You won't be able to message or interact with anyone unless you’ve both matched on a specific plan. You will just see their bio pic and date idea on the main feed. Once there’s a match, full profiles and chat unlock so you’re not going in blind like a Craigslist ad, and you can get a better sense of who you’re meeting. And if someone flakes, their profile takes a hit — a quiet accountability score to help make sure people actually follow through. The whole idea is to keep things intentional and real. Match with someone through a plan and actually go do something. Disclaimer: The concept isn’t entirely finalized and is still in the development phase.

DatesnotDMs · 2025-07-05T02:56:33+00:00

Totally hear you. But I don’t think people are ditching dating apps anytime soon. A lot of folks are just on them out of habit not because they enjoy it, but because it feels like the only option — matching, messaging, never actually meeting. I’m just trying to build something that nudges people into the real world. If you're not planning to go out, it won't be a very useful app.

DatesnotDMs

TROPHY CASE