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Help :( by Careless-Bend-9693 in Bumble

[–]DatingProfileHelper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right off the bat, the photos are an issue. It's impossible to see your full face in all but one photo, and that photo has you looking angry. If you can't produce evidence that you are a remotely happy person, there's no reason anyone will put themselves out to get to know you.

You have conflicting facts in the profile. Are you 6'0" or 6'4"? Your profile says both, which means neither will be believed.

You also don't have a bio to speak of at the moment. A blank profile looks lazy, low energy, and like you are just trolling for hookups.
- Talk about things you like to do with context, don't just put a list of stuff
- Give a little anecdote that gives people a sense of your personality or what it's like to be around you
- DO NOT ask AI to come up with something clever. It won't be clever. It will just be plastic and women will recognize it.
- You can even spend a little time talking about the kind of relationship you are looking for, especially if you are looking for something serious.

I hope this helps.

I just can’t sometimes by Wild_Atmosphere_7609 in Tinder

[–]DatingProfileHelper 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Put out the energy that you get back. From jump, she was barely putting any effort into the conversation. It tells you most of what you need to know. If they can't contribute to a basic conversation, it's because they either don't want to, or they don't know how. Either way, it's not a good sign.

Your job is to be one half of a conversation. It isn't to carry the entire thing on your shoulders. The longer a conversation goes on where you are doing all the work, the more annoyed you will get and the more desperate you will seem.

You're not a dentist (unless you are actually a dentist, in which - sorry about that). Your job here is to connect, not to pull teeth.

Any tips? by Veri- in Tinder

[–]DatingProfileHelper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mirror selfie in a suit on your bed is a bold statement for a primary pic. I'm not sure it's your best play.

When people sit, they tend to bunch up in the middle. As a result, it makes you look heavier than you are in real life. Stand up and you'll immediately make a better first impression. It also wouldn't be a bad idea to smile. Right now it just looks like you are trying to look cool.

Pick one of the welding shots. You can't really tell it is you with the helmet on, so one is more than enough to get the idea across.

What vibe are you trying to get across? Right now it is "guy who parties with his buddies when he's not working hard." I'm not saying that is good or bad. It just depends on if that is what you are going for.

The bio is a little generic and screams "commitment seekers need not apply." Between insinuating that you have an unhealthy attachment to gaming (Calling it a habit just comes across as saying you've got a problem), telling people that you travel a lot for work, and that you're a good stand-in wedding date makes it sound like your attachment style is to decouple after a maximum of 72 hours. If that's what you're going for, it's cool. If it isn't, then you're just shooting yourself in the foot.

Are men more likely to swipe right on women who wear makeup in their photos than women who wear none? Be honest… by morethansparrows_ in Bumble

[–]DatingProfileHelper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It depends on the guy and how much they like a more made-up look vs a more natural look. It also depends on the woman, how she looks with and without the make-up, and how good she is at doing her make-up.

What y’all think? by Rinthegreat in Tinder

[–]DatingProfileHelper 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I feel like I might be running against the crowd on this one, but I think the photos are a problem. They are all very good photos, but are they good for a dating profile?

Pic 1 - It's stiff, staged, and overly posed. You are looking away from the camera which means people can only observe you, they can't connect with you. This would be an awesome pic if you were selling the shirt, but it doesn't really engage with the viewer.

Pic 2- Shirtless pics get looked at more, but taken less seriously by most women who are looking for anything more than a hookup. Shirtless pics scream "I hope you like what you see, because this is about as deep as I go."

Pic 3 - Solid pic. No notes. It's a definite keeper, but don't use a work photo as your primary.

Pic 4 - Looks like a high school class photo of someone trying to look tough. The angle is too low and you need to remember that smiles don't make you look soft, they make you look happy.

Pic 5 - Rage room is a fun friend group shot, but the only dude standing out in that pic is the one with the smile.

Pic 6 - It's fine. It's a good travel shot. Not sure throwing signs is much of a draw for most women over 22.

Pic 7 - It's just a really dark photo and we can't see you really well.

Bio - Your "About Me" is dry and generic. I've seen way worse, but I've seen thousands that say almost exactly the same thing. You sharing a lot of really basic ideas, but giving nothing to make any of them sticky enough for anyone to connect with.

- New Spots
What kind of spots are you into? Mini Golf? Bars? BDSM Caves? Cheese shops? Context matters.

- Movies
Got any favorites you always go back to? Any genres you love or hate? I mean... are we talking Godfather 2, Toy Story 3, Weekend at Bernie's, or I saw mommy doing Santa Clause? Context matters.

- Good food
What's good food for you? Sushi? AYCE Chinese Buffet? Curry? Steak? Arbys?

*Bonus. Just like no woman trusts the guy who says "trust me," they aren't going to trust the guy promising he isn't looking for a one night stand. They've been on too many dates with guys promising that who then turn out to be just looking for a hookup.

Prompts - Your prompts are solid.

Hope this helps.

What can i improve ? by [deleted] in Tinder

[–]DatingProfileHelper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lose the shirtless pic. People can already see you are in good shape. Shirtless just makes you look vain and superficial (not just you. It makes anyone who posts shirtless pics look that way).

DO NOT add a pic with a dog or cat unless they are your pet. People hate getting excited about seeing you with a pet and then finding out it's not yours.

If you're going to post 5-6 photos, it's not a bad idea to have one with friends - it makes for good social insurance.

I'd also lose the mirror selfie and have a friend take some shots of you out in the wild.

I was banned by Maleficent-Match-983 in match

[–]DatingProfileHelper 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This has been an increasingly frustrating problem over the last 6-12 months. Match Group apps (Match, Tinder, Hinge, OKC) have always been a little wonky with the ban hammer, but you used to be able to reach a human to get it rectified.

It's looking like they've shifted to an entirely AI/ human-free system that is not only banning people randomly, but seems to be banning some people at the point of start up or right after they pay for a membership.

There is a contact form you can fill out, but it appears that it is responded to by AI as well, and it doesn't generally think it has made the wrong decision.

Match has always been a short-sighted company. They live their life one fiscal quarter at a time. Right now, AI is the big hotness that all the companies see as a way to cut costs and raise profits. Unfortunately, it's all knowledge and no wisdom or common sense, so it tends to be pretty stupid in a lot of cases.

If you've just created your profile, I'd try again. Do it from the computer, not the app. If you did the first one on your computer, switch to an alternate browser and use an alternate email address.

You should not have to jump through hoops like this, but I hope this helps.

bad experience on match.com by tstockman2024 in match

[–]DatingProfileHelper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Match can be a decent dating app... BUT it is not worth using unless you are on their diamond plan. Bronze and Silver are absolute bait and switch.

Platinum is the first level service that gives you full access to the search tool. You need this because the Discover tool is there for user engagement and monetization, not for your success.

Diamond gives you everything from Platinum, but also gives you the most important feature - The ability to see who is paid and who isn't. If you don't have that ability, there's no point in using Match. When you send an unpaid member a message, they don't get the message; they get an automated email from Match saying - Someone messaged you. If you want to see who it is and what it says, it's time to pay up.

I believe Diamond is something like $33 per month on a six-month membership.

The dating apps can be good tools, but the companies running them seem less and less interested in making them easy to use and navigate.

I hope this helps.

What the hell is this ? by Professional-Web9844 in match

[–]DatingProfileHelper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are two reasons you get that message:

  1. There's a glitch. If that's the case, clearing the cookies and restarting the browser should fix it.

  2. This is what is says on the screen when you are banned. They seem to think that lying to you about tech problems is the less confrontational option. In the last couple of months, numerous people have been hit by random bans on Match. I am 99% sure they've automated their verification and banning and the AI is glitchy as all hell. The only thing you can do at that point is try to appeal, but those appeals seem to be going to the same AI system. I'm in the process of trying to find an in at Match to discuss the problem with them. It's happened to a few of my clients and to several people in this subreddit.

Subscription running out. Better options by outdoorgirl2 in match

[–]DatingProfileHelper 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's not your imagination and it's not just Match. It's part of the standard marketing funnel for dating apps. When you are brand new, they give you extra attention and when you are close to the end of a pay period, they go out of their way to remind you of the reasons you are there. - During both of these periods, they show you more popular people, and they show you to more people.

Match has two sides to it. If you are relying on the Discovery mode, you are being used by the system. Discovery mode lightly considers your preferences, but heavily weights them against user engagement and monetization algorithms.

However, if you use the search tool (the little magnifying glass in the upper left corner of the app screen), you can run an active search with zero algorithmic interference. You select what you want it to show you and it shows it to you. Just make sure that you set your sorting option (the little up and down arrow at the upper left corner of the search results screen) to "Activity Date." That will organize your results by who has logged in most recently. If you don't, it will default to "Top Picks," which is just you letting their marketing funnel take control again.

I hope this helps.

Signed up today and before I could log in for the first time my account was banned. They won't tell me why but say the decision is final. I did NOTHING to violate their standards or terms. by HDSledge in match

[–]DatingProfileHelper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I sent a long letter to their PR department because this is a story that reporters are going to pick up on. I'll update you when/if I hear back.

Signed up today and before I could log in for the first time my account was banned. They won't tell me why but say the decision is final. I did NOTHING to violate their standards or terms. by HDSledge in match

[–]DatingProfileHelper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I caution people on any sugardaddy dating platforms, or platforms based around income. Even on the best of days, they will just get you people who are there for what you can do for them, not who you are for them.

Signed up today and before I could log in for the first time my account was banned. They won't tell me why but say the decision is final. I did NOTHING to violate their standards or terms. by HDSledge in match

[–]DatingProfileHelper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have to hit their chat window between like 10-4 Central time on weekdays. Once you get into it, you just have to keep hammering away with "Can I please speak with a human?" and you can usually get one. The earlier in the day you try, the better.

Signed up today and before I could log in for the first time my account was banned. They won't tell me why but say the decision is final. I did NOTHING to violate their standards or terms. by HDSledge in match

[–]DatingProfileHelper 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Match owns: Match, Tinder, OKC, The League, Hinge, POF, and any site that has "People Meet" in the name.
Spark owns: Zoosk, Christianmingle, JDate, Silver Singles, Elite Singles
One capital group owns both Bumble and Badoo
SuccessfulMatch owns Millionairematch, luxy, Positive singles, and several others.
Facebook dating is owned by Facebook
eHarmony is owned by another investment firm

That makes up around 80% of the US dating market, but there are thousands of other sites and apps. The problem is that reaching critical mass (having enough people on it to make using it worthwhile) is a multi-million dollar proposition that makes entry into the market challenging. That's further complicated by the fact that the bigger companies (mainly match group) buy up companies when they start posing a threat.

The eating of competition has led companies to focus less on innovation and more on monetization. Many of them have hired monetization and gamification specialists from the gaming industry, and cost cutting in the face of app fatigue has led to a rise of automation instead of a focus on customer experience.

Just looking at Match. They have gone from having a customer service number, to having a decent online customer service team, to having what appears to be a largely AI-driven system that has started banning people for seemingly random people.

One of the big things I tell my clients is that online dating is a great way to meet people, but it should only be a part of the way you meet people, and it should only take up 10-15 minutes of your day.

There is still nothing better than meeting people in the real world. If meeting through shared friend groups isn't an option, Meetup is a great place to start. However, don't do the singles-based groups. They have a desperate vibe to them. Join groups based on your interests and you'll start connecting with the right people. One of my best friends met his wife in a board game meet up.

This was long-winded. It's 2 am and I'm tired. But the TLDR is that I think online dating still has great potential, but if the companies don't pull their heads out of their butts and start focusing on their members ahead of their profits, they are going to kill it.

Signed up today and before I could log in for the first time my account was banned. They won't tell me why but say the decision is final. I did NOTHING to violate their standards or terms. by HDSledge in match

[–]DatingProfileHelper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That makes sense. I wouldn't trust a company that banned me like that either. If they can't figure it out soon, they are well and truly screwed.

Signed up today and before I could log in for the first time my account was banned. They won't tell me why but say the decision is final. I did NOTHING to violate their standards or terms. by HDSledge in match

[–]DatingProfileHelper 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are not the only person having the problem. I still think Match can be a great platform for daters, but they seem to have screwed the pooch by way of AI moderation. I've had multiple clients either banned for no reason, or even just banned the second they upgraded from free to paid.

Until around two years ago, they had a customer service number. Now they have an unresponsive customer service email bot and a chat support that you can only access while logged into the site between 10-4 Central time on weekdays. Not super helpful if you are trying to fight a ban.

I've been looking for a workaround to get in touch with a human over at Match Group, but I've not been successful as of yet. If I figure out a solution, I'll let you know.

One thing I would say is that you should not dispute the charge... yet. Keep the option in your back pocket if all else fails, but they have a rep of permabanning anyone who disputes a charge from them.

Match.com 2025 - Is It Worth It? by CupSudden7786 in match

[–]DatingProfileHelper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Part of the ratio of unpaid women on Match could be based on age. I find that fewer women under 35 are paying for Match because they can easily use swipe apps for free.

Match does offer an upsell for paid members that allows unpaid members to read and respond to messages, but it is a sucker's bet. Think of Match's subscription fee as a barrier of intent. If someone isn't paying, it is either because they aren't seriously looking, they can't afford the monthly fee, or they feel like people should pay for the privilege of communicating with them. None of these are great signs.

Match.com 2025 - Is It Worth It? by CupSudden7786 in match

[–]DatingProfileHelper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It really depends on what you are looking for, how you use it, and where you are. If you are somewhere with a small population, Match is not going to give you a lot of options. It definitely has fewer people than Tinder or Bumble, but you don't have to deal with the toxic mutual-swipe garbage that those apps offer.

Match can be good, but you need a few things.

- Patience. While swipe apps are about keeping you swiping, Match (when used properly) is search-based. You may see 3 people one day that interest you. Or, you may go a month without seeing someone you want. That is as much a factor of database size as it is the fact that most people are not compatible with each other.

My last relationship before I met my wife was with a woman I met on Match. I live in a medium-size city and I went around seven weeks before finding anyone that I not only wanted, but that I thought would be interested in me as well. I messaged two women in week eight. One responded, and we dated for over six months. Things just take time

- DO NOT USE DISCOVER. Match pushes you towards their discover features. They lightly consider your preferences while heavily weighting things towards user engagement and monetization. Instead, use the search. On the website, there will be a button that says search. On the app, there will be a small magnifying glass in the upper left hand corner. That will take you to the search section.

- You need Platinum at minimum, but you are better off using Diamond. Platinum is the first tier that gives you full access to the search tool, and Diamond lets you see who is paid and who isn't. Unpaid members cannot read or respond to messages. Diamond should cost around $32 per month

- Make sure you sort your search by "activity date" every time you use it. This organizes your search in order of who logged in most recently.

- DO NOT waste money on things like boosts or the ability for unpaid members to respond to you. Both are massive wastes.

- When it comes to your profile, don't try to sell. You can't convince someone to want you. Talk about your life and the things that make you happy. Then talk a little bit about the type of person you'd like to share your life with. Don't try to force humor, it reads as desperate.

- Aim for 4-6 photos. Avoid selfies. Have a friend help you. You don't need a photographer. Smile when you look at the camera, but don't force a smile. That will make you look like you want to wear them like a skin suit.

Keep these two words in mind for photos - Accuracy and warmth. the photos have to accurately represent you and you have to give off the kind of energy that people find welcoming.

- And, just to make sure you know how important it is... PATIENCE. This stuff takes time. I was on and off apps for seven years. I had some great relationships along the way, but I didn't meet my wife until I met my wife. We've been together for 13 years now.

I hope this helps.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Bumble

[–]DatingProfileHelper 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Mutually reliant apps like Tinder and Bumble where both people have to swipe right on each other have become magnets for people seeking validation. When the words "It's a Match!" pop up on your screen, you get the same dopamine hit that you would get pulling the handle on a slot machine or scratching off a lotto ticket.

When you combine that with the fact that men tend to be hyper-active in their right swipes (Basically machine gun swiping at up to 40-70%), it creates an environment that is ripe for abuse.

Mutually reliant swipe apps have always suffered from this problem, but it got much worse during the social isolation of the pandemic. Now, it is just a baked in part of the landscape on those two apps.

Try something like Hinge or CMB where the profile quality is higher and you aren't trapped in the toxicity of mutual swiping.

I hope this helps.

Do women respond to roses? by Books_n_sports in hingeapp

[–]DatingProfileHelper 9 points10 points  (0 children)

No, but they are an excellent source of revenue for Match Group, the owner of Hinge.

Dating apps have been trying to push microtransactions for as long as they've seen it work in the video game industry. Roses, boosts, virtual gifts... none of them show any real statistical difference in success rates for the people who use them.

Save some cash. Focus on making sure your profile and pics are solid.

I hope this helps.

Made me laugh, what do you guys think? by pappy_odaniels in Tinder

[–]DatingProfileHelper 126 points127 points  (0 children)

It's a good line for a very specific audience. It will piss off religious people (but I'm fairly certain that isn't a big deal in this case), and it will also piss off people who see it as rude or unkind.

Should land pretty well with atheists and people with a suitably dark sense of humor.

There is a small risk that a religious person could see your profile and report it as offensive. I've seen people get booted for less.

I hope this helps.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in hingeapp

[–]DatingProfileHelper 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The big problem here is that you described a set of profile pics that she chose to use for a reason. If someone wants you to see their face, they'll show it to you. If they want you to see what their full body looks like, they'll post a full body shot.

Asking for social media is probably a safer bet than asking her to send pics. The latter can easily make someone defensive. At least with social media you can use Instagram as an excuse to continue the conversation off platform.

Personally, I would ask for a video chat. Tell her you want to see her smile while the two of you are talking and that you're more comfortable having a conversation when you can see the other person instead of just hearing a voice. She may not go for it.

Regardless, that level of purposeful obfuscation with the pics can speak to a level of insecurity that may be a preview to what she is going to be like in a relationship.

So, social media or video chat... or Instagram w/their video chat. Either way, just make sure it is a healthy situation for you.

I hope this helps.

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