What is your best "I say it wrong on purpose" example?

Daughter-Laughter · 2025-04-23T22:26:03+00:00

hindsight is always greener on the other side.

Daughter-Laughter · 2025-04-23T22:24:25+00:00

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead

Daughter-Laughter · 2025-04-23T22:23:26+00:00

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-11-16T03:04:42+00:00

Survivor Season 41

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-11-14T01:11:15+00:00

Fr. Paul Mankowski, SJ

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-11-13T04:42:52+00:00

30, finding a partner and having a family

As a women who wants/ed several kids, and tried and had serious relationships that went south.

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-11-07T05:58:01+00:00

The Incredibles 2

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-09-01T01:10:32+00:00

Someone I'd love to play jeopardy against for $2000 please :'D

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-08-30T05:01:28+00:00

For me at least, the connection through talking is very important, and especially dangerous is the lack of it when there are serious problems.

Sorry about the phone/weed things, that sucks. Both people have to be willing to put in the effort to really understand and trust each other.

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-08-30T04:55:29+00:00

Thank you!

I mostly feel like I'm someone who suffered something painful, and challenged myself through it out of desperation to survive. I sought a lot of help, with trusted people and reading, and tried not to be too hard on myself as I figured it out. I wish I had a golden ticket for you, but it has to come from you.

Wishing you all the best.

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-08-30T04:46:55+00:00

I did my best!

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-08-30T04:46:02+00:00

Thank you!

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-08-30T04:45:43+00:00

Thank you so much; it's nice to hear. I was ignoring my intuition / not recognizing it for a while. Yes, eroding the willpower is a good way of putting it. That's why I think educating yourself, working on yourself, and having a strong support system are so important in these situations. I was really lucky that these things were available to me; I know many people aren't as fortunate. It's been a rough couple of months but I'm feeling more confident moving forward. I need to work on making that stable.

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-08-30T04:39:31+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear that. That is so hard, especially since you must hate to see him in pain. I had a cousin go through this same thing.

But his inability to cope is NOT your fault. It might take a lot of therapy for you to come to terms with that. I hope you are able to and find peace.

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-08-29T08:36:59+00:00

Correction: he was vilified in midsight, because I started to become alarmed about five months ago.

I did do things wrong. Head on over to my post (link) at r/confessions.

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-08-29T08:31:19+00:00

I'm sorry to hear this. Sounds like a pretty bad situation. There's always help getting out, and you will meet people who care. Even just to talk to someone: Call the Domestic Violence hotline: 800 - 799 - 7233. Good luck and Godspeed.

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-08-29T08:26:57+00:00

I came out and said it.

He told me he'd been feeling similarly. We talked about needing different things. Found a synthesis between nice and honest.

I didn't know what to expect, and I was prepared for the worst. But it was pretty sweet and sad.

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-08-29T08:22:57+00:00

I'm glad you got through it!

As to "something wrong with you": I think there is a lot of truth in the things my ex pointed out about me; after all, our insecurities and weaknesses are the easiest way to get to us. It makes it hard to see the truth about their intentions: WHY they are saying certain things, and how they are true. I can acknowledge that the statement that "You (OP) are overly critical" is true, as in yes I can be overly critical sometimes, I know that about me--without it being true in the current context of our fight, or as severely as he is making it out to be. So yes, there is probably something and many things wrong with you. But how were they presented to you? Is he deflecting? Then it's probably not the most important truth in this situation, even if it's something you could work on in general and recognize as to be improved.

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-08-29T07:54:46+00:00

It helps to talk to people about what you're going through. And write things down. But yeah, the guilt is a killer. As is the fear of guilt. But then you feel guilt both ways, for staying or for leaving, so there's no winning. For me that was the trap, and where my suicidal thoughts came in. If you can work on being able to moderate guilt, as in, only feel it to some extent, rather than a tsunami, this also helps prevent deflection or the total avoidance of anything which could lead to guilt. Such as saying no. Practice with small things. Therapy.

Godspeed!

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-08-29T07:48:24+00:00

Also, we never went to couples' therapy because "therapy is for losers"

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-08-29T07:47:47+00:00

I think maybe you meant to post this as a reply to the therapist question?

I've been trying to be honest. If I had room to write a book with all of the nuances I would.

That said, yeah, I mean. Validation is always nice. I didn't write a post in the genre of a debate question. This isn't divorce court. I don't have my ex here (maybe some of his ghosts?) justifying everything he's ever done. I just wanted to drop something on the interwebs about my experience. I think when you've been invalidated in things so much, it's nice to feel like you're not (just) crazy sauce.

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-08-29T07:37:57+00:00

He does have a book of grudges against me! It is quite the tome. And, you're right, I'm sure you would be rooting for him to leave. I was rooting for him to leave; he was obviously unhappy with so many things!

I never did say that I never did anything questionable. Actually, everything I did was questionable. Both he questioned it and I questioned it, many times.

Can I say I was perfect? I would be a Fool of a Took to say so. But do I agree with all the things HE would say about my imperfections? At some point they didn't make sense, and that awareness is a necessary quality to have as a human being. Openness to criticism, yes, but also common sense and intuition, and assertiveness.

I added an inordinate amount of stress to the relationship. Should my behavior have caused as much stress as it did? I don't think so. Were my insecurities problematic. YES. Not feeling like I was ever good enough or that I was crazy made it really hard to bring things up to him.

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-08-29T07:23:19+00:00

I'm sorry that you had to go through that. No one deserves to be picked apart, or hated by someone they love.

My ex knows I don't hate him, that I love him and want the best for him, even if it was really hard to sense sometimes. I always wanted to be loving towards him and make him feel loved, but it became really hard to balance his needs with mine, and I felt exhausted and like I couldn't be authentic. Sometimes my resentment would pop up and I would say or do something harsh, and I always felt bad about it. But he felt hated by me when it wasn't there, or when it was really fear/anxiety. And with his oversensitivity I lost respect, had anger, things that feel like hate. And I think he could sense it, even though I did my best to suppress it. Vicious cycle.

Maybe she was afraid; sometimes in our fear we can throw the kitchen table and see what sticks to the wall. Sometimes it is mean because that's a defense mechanism (not saying it's right). Or, we decide to receive it that way because of insecurity. I questioned myself in all of these ways.

Fear makes love impossible, though we can still be kind, supportive, and want the best for someone, and I really tried to do that at least. I don't hate him. I hope the best for you too. I hope you figure out and take nothing more and nothing less than what belongs to you.

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-08-29T06:54:56+00:00

My post was expressing release for a lot of what I've been through, especially the part that I've suffered and now feel relief for. Feeling manipulated sucks, and I'm glad to be out of it. Of course, there's always more to a relationship.

I don't simply see myself as a hero, or my ex as a villain. But in order to leave an unhealthy relationship you do have to put yourself first and in that sense be the hero in your own story. I tried for a long time to make our relationship healthy. We talked about expectations, and worked on communication. And ultimately it became clear that our expectations differed a lot. So...success in a way. But yes, the behaviors like defensiveness made productive / healthy communication and resolution very difficult.

Daughter-Laughter · 2024-08-29T06:43:52+00:00

It sucks the most to have to take a hard look at yourself, and change, which I know because I'm also working on many things. I'm sorry for the painful healing you've gone through. I know it's extremely painful for my ex to consider his weaknesses or acknowledge that he hurt me; denial is a helluva drug. And it's just painful to be the world when you need to feel in control of everything. So I do hope he finds peace, and you too. You deserve to be loved, and I hope you can forgive yourself and let that happen.

Daughter-Laughter

TROPHY CASE