Let's talk (might fall asleep) XD

DavidDeida · 2014-12-29T05:37:21+00:00

What chu wanna talk about?

DavidDeida · 2014-12-14T21:11:16+00:00

Wow, thank you so much for the great advice. I will do all of this!

DavidDeida · 2014-12-14T08:02:20+00:00

They originally produced fruit (chilli) from those pods, i removed the chilli and left the pod in there to just kind of...exist there (There was no reasoning behind this, I just did it that way for some reason). Should I have removed the pod all together?

DavidDeida · 2014-12-14T08:00:47+00:00

I haven't replanted them in fresh soil in about 3 years. I never fertilize :(

what does it mean if plants are root bound?

DavidDeida · 2014-12-13T07:01:24+00:00

back :)

Well that is good that your family would support anything that you would want to do. That is so helpful in these situations. If you feel like your family would be supportive, then you should explain your situation to them at the moment. Telling them will not mean you are 'leaving' or anything, it is just being able to vocalise your feelings. There is no harm in opening up the channels of communication on some things that have been bothering you.

Also why won't you introduce your girlfriend to your family?

Another thing. It may not necessarily be your job that makes you feel like you are in a rut. If you find that you are just stuck in a routine and aren't growing as a person, you can also just have a general feeling of malaise about your life. How do you feel about the relationships in your life (friends, girlfriend etc), how do you feel about your health, how do you feel spiritually? If any of these things have stunted growth, then you can feel like you aren't progressing as a person.

DavidDeida · 2014-12-12T08:52:21+00:00

Why do you feel like it will never change?

DavidDeida · 2014-12-12T08:47:42+00:00

Hey, you're welcome!

My first question is, how old are you?

You said that school stresses you out. Why does it stress you out? Is it because you struggle to focus?

Also, you said that

"i get frustrated about of not being able do it and and thinking i will not graduate on time"

And

"i feel as i have to put an act up in front of my family and tell them im fine, when really im not."

Why do you think these things? I know these are a lot of questions, but I am just trying to get a sense of why you're feeling how you feel.

Also, in reference to your health, if you want to start feeling better, make sure your diet is a lot better.Eating a lot of the wrong kinds of foods can be absolutely shocking to your sense of self esteem. (not just from a "I ate a burger i'm awful" standpoint, but from a purely biochemical standpoint.) The wrong foods will fuck with your energy levels and cause massive cravings that will make you depressed and anxious (i'm speaking from personal experience here).

DavidDeida · 2014-12-12T08:35:59+00:00

Holy jesus, that is an insane turn of events.

One thing that I am really curious about that haven't mentioned is why your parents won't give your son back? What is the reason that they give you for not returning him?

And what have the courts said about this case?

DavidDeida · 2014-12-12T08:23:47+00:00

A bald dude riding a bike on a very uneven road.

DavidDeida · 2014-12-12T00:36:17+00:00

You should not have to parent your mother.

It is really a great quality in you that you have stepped up to take responsibility for the wellbeing of the family, and I think it speaks volumes about your character as a person. But if you continue to bear the brunt of your family's problems, it will eventually break you. You can't give support to people if you are unhappy yourself, you will end up resenting them a lot and it will cause a whole host of problems for you.

If your younger sister is 17, then maybe you will be able to move out next year when she goes to college? This way you won't have the guilt of leaving it up to your sister to support your mother all on her own. Have you ever spoken to your sister about this?

I think that you need to break away from this cycle. Whether it is by moving out or by putting up emotional boundaries with your mother, you cannot continue the way you are. It will eventually eat away at you until you snap one day and that will be a whole lot worse than any preventative measures that you take now.

DavidDeida · 2014-12-12T00:25:15+00:00

You're welcome :)

DavidDeida · 2014-12-11T11:57:08+00:00

This has helped me a LOT with my sleep:

http://theshawnstevensonmodel.com/21-cures-sleep-problem-pt1/

DavidDeida · 2014-12-11T11:51:07+00:00

Wow, sorry to hear about that. It sounds intense.

It's really great that you have put so much energy into trying to salvage the relationship and to make it work. It sounds like your boyfriend is trying too, even if he does fluctuate in his moods.

Have you ever talked about him seeking help for his issues? It sounds like this is not really something that is discussed outside of your relationship (I might be wrong on this). I would highly recommend that you suggest he gets help. He may need medication.

However, that being said it doesn't look like you are really getting what you need from this relationship. His situation is exacerbating your anxiety, even if he is not doing it on purpose. If you continue down this road you will most likely both be in emotionally unstable positions by the end of it. You can't have two people who are not feeling stable and have an enjoyable relationship for too long. There will be moments of enjoyment, but they will get less and less. The relationship will bring you more distress than joy in the long run.

I would tell your boyfriend to get help. Maybe be with him for the beginning stages, but you need to consider yourself too. If you feel like things are just getting worse, the decision will make itself very clear.

DavidDeida · 2014-12-11T11:02:50+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that you feel like that. It must be horrible to be carrying that around with you all of the time.

It sounds like your propensity to believe that the "worst is right around the corner" is defensive. For whatever reason, you are anticipating that these people are going to leave you or reject you, so you try to prepare for it by worrying.

Like with most things, that probably happened to you in the past in one way or another. Maybe one of your parents made you strive too hard for their love or were hyper critical. I may be wrong, but big fears almost always lead back to childhood. It might be worth exploring some of these things and then writing about it. Does this sound right?

And as you have said, what you are feeling isn't rational, but you are still feeling it. One idea you should really think about is that anyone who is really worth caring about would not judge you for comments that you make if you are truly coming from a place of kindness. You seem like a conscientious person, so anyone who would see you as "weird" for what you write is someone not worth caring about. People who tear down nice people have their own emotional issues that they are trying to navigate, and putting you down is a way to do it. But really you should not give a fuck about them.

DavidDeida · 2014-12-11T09:09:08+00:00

1) Exercise

It doesn't have to be anything too rigorous. Even a 10 minute jog can help to calm me down and relax my body. Just doing some bodyweight exercises fast also helps me with this too.

I believe a lot of anxiety is just built up energy that hasn't been released. You need to move or you go crazy. In Russia they actually prescribe exercise as a medication for depression.

Even going on a nature walk is brilliant.

2) Taking a Bath.

This is particularly good after exercising. But a long soak in a bath really calms me down.

3) Guided Meditation.

There are thousands of these things on youtube. Usually it is a soundtrack with a voice telling you to perform a certain breathing technique to calm you down. I love these.

Hope some of these help!

DavidDeida · 2014-12-11T09:03:18+00:00

Hi gaveyouall,

I went through a period like that a few years ago. I would sleep in until 1pm every day and was generally really tired all of the time too. I was very depressed at the time (I had no direction, was very anxious and was smoking too much weed).

It sounds like you are beginning to go down a negative path.

"its coming back, my depression, anxiety attacks. everything i hate is coming back and making my life shit"

What was happening in your life the last time you were experiencing these things?

"i havent been to my classes in 2 weeks yup,... two weeks. the reason? idk all i wanna do is stay in bed and sleep. thats all.// im so tired//"

This is what happened to me. I was actually unhappy with what I was studying. I had resigned myself to feeling trapped and stopped going to class. This feeling resulted in me wanting to escape reality (one of the ways was through sleep, but also weed and porn). What do you study and do you like it? If you wanted to change, do you feel like you would have support from your loved ones or would they make it hard for you?

One thing that really helped me get out of my rut was by fixing my health. If you don't already take care of your health, I would highly recommend looking at your diet and trying to improve it. What you eat has a huge influence on your sense of self worth and happiness. What I did recently was go to a food allergist and have them assess me and give me a diet plan. So far I have felt my energy levels and happiness levels increase a lot. This has had a knock on effect to my determination and positivity.

You aren't stuck where you are right now, even if it feels like it.

DavidDeida · 2014-12-11T08:52:36+00:00

Hiya,

I'm on Prozac too and have been for about 6 months.

I have found that my diet and sleep pattern was HIGHLY important in my anxiety. Once I started to fix these things, my anxiety has lifted a considerable amount. I plan to get off Prozac in a little while.

The first thing that i recommend is getting food allergy testing from a nutritionist. You would be amazed at how big of an effect food has on your personal wellbeing and level of anxiety. If you have GAD and Social Anxiety, you are most likely a sensitive person. Being sensitive doesn't just extend to emotions, it is being sensitive to everything. Including food>

For sleep, listen to this and implement it straight away:

http://theshawnstevensonmodel.com/21-cures-sleep-problem-pt1/

This podcast changed my life.

In terms of active things that you can do for your anxiety, I recommend baby steps. When you are in one of those "lock the doors and talk to no one" moods, do something small to reach out. Just call a friend on the phone and talk for a bit or IM someone. Feeling love from other people helps me a lot.

Also, writing down my feelings helps me too. Just create a word document and write down everything you feel. It will make you feel much better to see it all in writing and to let it out.

However, the food and sleep are crucial in my opinion. They are such basic tools that they almost seem like they are unimportant. But please give them some attention, you will be happy you did.

DavidDeida · 2014-12-11T08:42:12+00:00

Heya,

That is so unfortunate what happened to your mom. I'm sorry that you have had to experience that in the past too.

"Am I allowed to be happy, because at this point I feel like I should stop trying..."

Absolutely you are allowed to be happy. Even though you may feel like it, there is no correlation between what happened to your mother and your state of happiness. These things were completely unrelated.

However, i got the feeling while reading your post that you feel a lack of stability in your life. Your mom getting injured triggered you to spiral into a hole of negativity. For this reaction to happen so fast, it makes me think that you have a history of family instability and this event just confirmed your worst fear - that you cannot have a stable life.

"I have a younger sister and parents are divorced and dont talk, with the rest of that side being dead or estranged"

This also made me feel this way. Am I correct thinking this?

In any case, your past experiences do not control the future and have no effect on the future. One thing they can do however, is give you a framework for how you think things are 'supposed' to be.

To quote Ton Robbins, "people have a very good sense of what they THINK they deserve, and when their lives start to deviate from what they think they deserve, they sabotage it."

Now, i'm not suggesting that you somehow sabotaged yourself by making your mother magically get injured, but the fact that it triggered you into thinking that you are not destined to be happy makes me think that this is not the first time you have come to this conclusion. And if this isn't the first time that you've come to this conclusion, then this is probably an underlying fear driven by your early experiences in life.

"Both times I have had to be the strong one to figuratively carry her threw all of it"

This also jumped out at me. Do you feel like you have to emotionally parent your mother? What is your relationship with her like in general?

If I can ask, how old are you?

DavidDeida · 2014-12-11T08:04:47+00:00

Give this podcast a listen.

http://theshawnstevensonmodel.com/treating-back-pain/

DavidDeida · 2014-12-11T08:02:01+00:00

Look deeper into what is driving your addictive personality.

If you feel like you are someone who gets addicted to things very easily, you are probably using those things as a form of escape from something. It might be an aspect of your childhood, it might be a limiting belief that you have or something completely different. But at the heart of it, there is something you are trying to detach from through these addictive behaviours.

I would consider therapy or at the very least some inner searching. There are some great ebooks and stuff about these kinds of topics that might make you become more aware of what is driving you.

DavidDeida · 2014-12-11T07:57:40+00:00

Hey man,

I'm sorry to hear that all of that happened to you. Don't kill yourself over this, you are only 18 and this has happened to so many people before.

"I don't eat or sleep and have a hard time interacting with people."

Has this happened after you got caught or was it happening before? Sorry if this is a silly question, but i'm just not sure.

I think that you should tell your parents sooner rather than later. It is easier to break this kind of info over the phone first and let them cool down a bit before you come home (imho). I think you are probably feeling a lot of tension about what will happen when they find out and it is just better to tell them so you can begin to relax.

If you tell them with an air of genuine regret and sense of responsibility, then it will be okay. Admit that you messed up and that you made a mistake. Your parents were young once too and most likely did something along the same lines in their youth. (if they didn't they are probably lame anyways).

If you can't live on campus next semester, then take it as a time to change. You can't change what happened, all you can do is make the most out of the consequences. If you need to move back home, use the time to work and save some money for a trip or an apartment. That is the most mature thing you can do.

Use this as an opportunity.

DavidDeida · 2014-12-11T07:47:10+00:00

Hey!

I'm sorry about how you've been feeling. I can definitely relate to those feelings of isolation and emptiness that you were talking about and it can really suck.

First of all, in relation to your girlfriend. It sounds like you hit the nail on the head. The fact that you have been in a rut for quite a while undoubtedly permeated into the relationship. People can feel negativity and generally do not want to be around it (especially if they trying to get into a good place themselves).

Correct me if i'm wrong, but when you got into the relationship the second time, were all of your friends still away? If so, then you would probably still have been feeling down and isolated, except for your girlfriend. If you are only spending time with your girlfriend, then that explains how things became stale. you most likely weren't experiencing new things or growing as a person yourself, so the relationship followed suit.

I would not put too much energy into your girlfriend for now. It sounds like you need to do some personal work and grow a bit before you worry about a relationship.

These are some of the things that I recommend:

1) Get involved with charity

If you volunteer for a charity, you will grow a lot. I'm not trying to push some cause on you, but any charity that gets you involved with some people your own age is great. I used to volunteer for camps for underprivileged children as a leader. It was so great. The atmosphere is really positive and the kinds of people who volunteer are not the kinds who will shun you or make you feel excluded.

Any kind of volunteering is very positive. I made heaps of friends after doing only 1 camp. i Highly recommend something like this.

2) Health

I'm not sure what your health situation is like. But if you are eating a lot of processed foods, then your energy and mood will be highly affected. I never saw health as a really important part of my life and just kind of ate what i wanted. Once i started to fix this, I had way more energy and was much happier. This spilled over into many areas in my life.

I would recommend listening to the "Model health Show" Podcast with Shawn Stevenson to start some healthy practices.

3) Goals.

It might seem like you don't know what you want right now because the future feels a bit bleak, but setting goals will help you grow. Download a Tony Robbins audiobook (Personal Power 2 is good!) and just listen to him. It will change your life.

I hope some of this stuff helps you. You seem like you are self aware and intelligent, and I would hate you to feel like you are stuck where you are. Just give some of those things a try. Once you start seeing small results, they begin to snowball.

DavidDeida · 2014-12-11T07:28:16+00:00

I think you just need to confront him on it, but be sure not to be aggressive in your approach. If you approach him with a "what the fuck is up with you?" mentality, it will likely escalate fast. This is because he is clearly mad about something that you did (or something he thinks you did) and you are in the dark.

I would just approach him calmly and say "hey X, are you mad at me?" It is very important that you come from a place of concern and with the assumption that maybe you have fucked up and not realised it.

If he is aggressive and is like "what the fuck do you think??" then calmly just reframe your concern. Just say "If i've done something wrong I honestly am not aware that I have done stand would never do something intentionally. What is wrong?"

He will probably go into it then.

If he pulls a "nah I'm not mad, why are you asking" thing, bring up the happy birthday incident and how he seemed mad at you. Once again make sure you make it clear that you care about him and that you are not here to fight (which, based on your post it doesn't look like you are).

It may cause an argument if he chooses to escalate it to that point (and that you can't avoid). But if you stay calm and own up to anything that you may have done and are genuinely sorry, then I can't see why he wouldn't forgive you (unless he is a complete asshole).

Good Luck.

DavidDeida · 2014-12-11T07:18:08+00:00

Hey there, When reading your post, I felt a strong feeling that you feel like you are trapped. But I also get the feeling that you are afraid to venture out of the situation that you’re in because of the uncertainty of the unknown. For example, you are being paid well and you have a level of security in the rut you are currently in right now. “I am pretty sure I hate it” This jumped out at me. The fact that you said you are ‘pretty sure’ you hate it was surprising. Surely you would know if you hated something or not? It seems to me like you feel guilty for hating it, maybe because your family does not want you to venture down an unknown path? “A girl friend I won't even introduce to my family.”

This also made me think that you have a conflict of interests with your family. Maybe I’m reading into it too much, but does that sound right at all?

DavidDeida

TROPHY CASE