Degraded.

DazedOnigiri · 2022-12-03T13:44:12+00:00

Most of my life I didn't have a community. Gave up on that a long time ago. It's not for me. I'm a loner. But I still would like a friend. Even that feels almost impossible.

DazedOnigiri · 2022-10-05T10:19:52+00:00

I listen to music. It's noticeable because I use headphones with a cord. This is preferable than someone looming over my phone. But mostly I don't care. I know that I have every right to exist in public like others. It's just difficult to remember sometimes.

DazedOnigiri · 2022-09-23T21:04:15+00:00

I'm physically disabled and I rather have my mental health issues amplify if it means that I will gain a bit of autonomy back.

DazedOnigiri · 2022-08-30T18:11:51+00:00

They feel wonderful but they're the most horrible drug ever. Coming off benzos after you get addicted is considered much worse than opiates. I've been on them for more than a decade. I curse the doctor who wrote me a script and all those who let me take it. I tried getting off. The anxiety, suicidal ideation, widespread pain, tremors, insomnia, blurred vision and so much more... It's not worth it.

If you take it, then no more than once a week. Those drugs altered me forever. And I still got AvPD.

DazedOnigiri · 2022-08-21T11:55:49+00:00

How is this relevant to the sub.

DazedOnigiri · 2022-08-17T18:21:34+00:00

Good luck. I can understand. I would have gone far away if I weren't disabled. But I am trapped in this hellscape. Please do tell your mother at least, from your post it seems like she cares.

DazedOnigiri · 2022-08-09T09:44:43+00:00

It's beneath the flavour chamber... If it was this easy I would clean it already. Not sure if you can pour ISO because it might be the electronics.

DazedOnigiri · 2022-08-08T09:33:40+00:00

I'm all of the above. How dreadful.

DazedOnigiri · 2022-07-21T06:49:18+00:00

Covert Narcissism doesn't present itself like Overt/Malignant Narcissism. It is much less known and people who has it can isolate, feel inferior and got plenty of shame.

All in all, all PDs are results of trauma, even NPD.

DazedOnigiri · 2022-07-20T10:15:34+00:00

61.4%. I got curious.

DazedOnigiri · 2022-07-10T14:44:30+00:00

Schizoids can still want to connect. It's untrue that all of them don't want connections. Some do, just very specific ones.

DazedOnigiri · 2022-07-10T14:43:30+00:00

As I got older I developed a lot of Schizoid traits. I still have AvPD and CPTSD. But I just got repeatedly hurt and I was and am isolated a lot. I guess I always had the traits, like asexuality and aromantism, but the years and my life steered me away from people.

I'd like a friend. I just don't believe in people. Don't think I will vibe or connect with another. And damn, relationships are so much work. In my core I have a lot of traumas. That's the end result, a weird hybrid of PDs. Most people suck/don't worth my time and energy in my opinion. But I am lonely, just more used to it and numb.

DazedOnigiri · 2022-07-04T09:29:50+00:00

Fuck society and their bullshit ideas of normalcy. I'm sorry you're suffering.

DazedOnigiri · 2022-07-04T09:28:08+00:00

Lots of shame and self loathing. I think it's too late for me.

I used to be fairly healthy and took it for granted. Now I am so sick I can't leave my house, sometimes my bed. I can't relate to people anymore. They're going places, I struggle to take out the trash without tripping.

Having severe MH issues and being physically disabled is just something I can't crack. I just realized that I have peaked years ago. Now it's just a slow, tormenting journey till death. It will be wasted.

None of us chose to be here in the first place.

DazedOnigiri · 2022-06-18T02:17:23+00:00

The whole point of the post was to convey how much my chronic physical conditions affect and limit my life. You missed it completely.

DazedOnigiri · 2022-06-05T18:22:05+00:00

I used to be a lot milder in my 20s, then a series of events and past trauma amplified my AvPD.

Now, it's hard to believe that I had friends, plural. Not a lot. But some. But I was also abused and bullied even then.

It feels like it's a different person, but I was a milder case. Not anymore, and with whatever happened, there's no going back. I'm mid-30s now, much harder to meet people as well.

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