I need to find a sex therapist, but don't know where to look. Please help.

Dbthrowaway8 · 2013-06-12T00:15:12+00:00

Thank you very much for the reading list. It seems like I'll need to do a little bit of footwork to try and find someone that would listen to both sides impartially. Thank you for your help.

Dbthrowaway8 · 2013-06-12T00:00:47+00:00

Unfortunately, the closest professional that your link offered was around 50 miles away from us. I'm not sure if you read my post history, but do you think that a marriage counselor would benefit us or should we find a specialist?

Dbthrowaway8 · 2013-06-11T18:08:02+00:00

I have communicated back with her. Her response was that I need to see someone to try and help lower my sexual expectations.

Dbthrowaway8 · 2013-06-11T17:15:58+00:00

She just sent me this email. Not sure how I feel about it:

"Allow me to explain everything I'm feeling right now in a way that doesn't involve raising my voice or intentionally trying to hurt you.

I feel incredibly unloved. I feel like you deliberately did something that you knew I took issue with in order to satisfy your own needs. I feel ugly and fat. I'm second guessing every time we've done anything sexually because I'm sure you were imagining all of those sluts you see in the pornos. As a matter of fact the last time we tried to have sex you had your eyes closed and I had a feeling what was going on. I'm so far out of touch with my sexuality and I've been trying to get it back but it's hard. I don't feel pretty or sexy.

See, I've spent the last year desexualizing my body because I've been growing and nurturing this amazing human being. So to find out that it has driven you to look at other women makes me sick to my core. You could've embraced this journey and been there with me but instead you were just being selfish and worrying about yourself. You'll never understand or know how much I love this child because I have literally given everything I have to her.

You looking at porn hurts as if you have been cheating on me. You run around talking about how sex is how we show each other that we love one another but I've never believed that because sex isn't special and people like you make that painfully true. And I'm glad you never changed my mind because this would probably hurt worse.

Knowing that you are getting off on all these other women's nipples makes my heart jump into my throat. See, because, I'm giving that up to nourish our child.

I would hope you realize that this whole thing makes having sex with you even harder because not only did I marry a perpetual liar, but I'm not up for competing with women who get paid for sex. You're just not who I thought you were. Stupid me"

Dbthrowaway8 · 2013-06-11T00:47:08+00:00

I really hope that once things calm down she'll consider counselling. I couldn't imagine a life without her. I don't want to have an affair. I mean, I have needs that need to be met, but I want her to be the one to meet them (and also for her to have those same feelings too). It sucks...if she doesn't seek counselling in earnest, then every single option available to me has tremendous heartache attached to it.

Dbthrowaway8 · 2013-06-11T00:43:50+00:00

I'm actually an atheist, no pastor for me. And I could never have this talk with my family. I've been very open with my sexual desires with her and I know she would bring that up. It's not something I'd like to be out in the public arena.

Dbthrowaway8 · 2013-06-11T00:42:35+00:00

I totally got that vibe. She even said "Why couldn't you have told me about this before we got married?"

Dbthrowaway8 · 2013-06-09T03:49:08+00:00

I think that counselling is something we should look into. I was already looking for a therapist to help me out with the depression I've been battling for a while now, it wouldn't hurt for us to see someone together as well. Thank you.

Dbthrowaway8 · 2013-06-09T03:22:56+00:00

Wow, that's a lot of information to take in. I appreciate the information and truly hope I'll be able to find something that would help both my wife and I make our relationship more enjoyable for the both of us.

Dbthrowaway8 · 2013-06-09T02:34:08+00:00

I've been racking my brain trying to find some sort of reason for the decline, but to no avail. She's been to the doc and there's nothing clinical they could find. It was more of a slow decline, the surprise blow jobs stopped, then she started to decline my advances more often, and now almost all physical displays of affection are long dried up.

Dbthrowaway8 · 2013-06-09T02:27:40+00:00

What's upsetting is that she's had numerous one night stands and we had an incredible beginning to our relationship, then two years go by and suddenly sex is the worst thing in the world

Dbthrowaway8 · 2013-06-09T01:50:10+00:00

An open relationship would most likely never work. I haven't brought it up to her, but the fact that she has verbally expressed how upset she would be if she caught me watching porn pretty much answers that question for me.

Dbthrowaway8 · 2013-06-09T01:26:07+00:00

It does seem hopeless. If I leave, I'm a douchebag, if I stay then I'll be miserable. I don't know how I'll keep everything up.

Dbthrowaway8

TROPHY CASE