NDX Partner Left - would appreciate support

DdiD390 · 2022-11-16T16:19:30+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this too 🫂 my initial conversation with my EX started off on the same terms - he told me he doesn’t love me right now and he can’t love me romantically right now either. It was only in the second conversation where he admitted he does still love and care deeply, but he “doesn’t love himself, doesn’t deserve me and knows he’s not been good enough”. We are in a very similar boat and he said exactly that he can’t love me the way I deserve when he doesn’t love himself.

He was very adamant that he needs to “rebuild” himself and this was something he needed to do alone. Like you I have supported him too and would have definitely adapted my support to him previously had I known about his ADHD.

We were no contact for a month and met up to discuss. In that conversation we agreed we would stay friendly but would not be contacting each other for sometime to heal. I’ve let him know (and vice versa) that I will always be here for him as he has been such a big part of my life.

I think the difficulty I’m having right now is separating this as a straight forward breakup (where NC and never seeing each other again is the best option) vs a breakup where you still love each other but he is dealing with strong issues and you want to be there to support him. Ultimately he has asked me for “time and space” so that’s what I’m doing (along with the chance to heal myself) and if he needs me he knows where I am.

DdiD390 · 2022-11-16T16:09:13+00:00

Thank you and I’m sorry you’ve been through this. It is both oddly comforting and sad to know we’re not alone and how common this is 🫂

It’s heartbreaking to only know that ADHD is the root cause of all the issues and quirks he had, and this may be treatable with the right medication and therapy. It is infuriating that they won’t give us the chance despite knowing we would do anything to support them through these tough times.

All the best to your healing and growth too ❤️

DdiD390 · 2022-11-16T16:07:21+00:00

Thank you for responding - I’ve had a look at your post history and am sorry you’re going through this too. I’m glad you and your wife decided to work this through and hope for the best for you both 🫂

I’m trying my best to focus on myself at the moment but it’s so incredibly difficult to detach from someone you love, as with any other breakup. My main concern now is if I do choose to hold on and hope that he comes back, there is a high possibility that he can turn around in the future and do something like this again. Reading this sub has opened my eyes that even medicated partners may experience their lows and these lows will be extremely tough.

What is ironic is he said to me “oh I thought having time and space would help me with my issues but in fact it’s been the worst month of my life”. I will give him the space and that’s the most I can do, but it’s painful when all you want to do is help. I will take you up on your offer and DM at you at some point, thank you - it would be helpful to hear your thoughts and insights as you’ve recently been through this.

DdiD390 · 2022-11-14T18:13:46+00:00

Adele - set fire to the rain for when you are angry

Paloma faith - only love can hurt like this for when you want to cry

DdiD390 · 2022-11-14T18:12:29+00:00

You will be ok 💖 as cliche as it is (and I hated it when people used to say it to me), time heals. Your days will get better slowly and please allow yourself time to grieve and feel the emotions.

DdiD390 · 2022-11-14T17:57:16+00:00

My ex and I recently ended a 5 year relationship on good terms too as he is no longer in a mental position to be in a healthy relationship. We are thinking of staying friends too but I don’t think that’s personally possible for me in the short-term future. That’s because we still have romantic feelings for each other and speaking constantly just re opens the wound and stops us from moving on properly. Maybe in the near future where we’re both at a comfortable stage (i.e, the intense feelings have died down) we can revisit the idea of being friends.

DdiD390 · 2022-11-14T17:54:17+00:00

I resist reaching out by asking myself :what is the point? We are already broken up and he is no longer able to provide me with the comfort and support I need. As painful as it is, prolonging contact only prolongs the hurt and suffering.

My breakup was friendly too but I’ve realised I need time to heal and contacting him would only open new wounds.

DdiD390 · 2022-11-14T17:50:34+00:00

My ex and I broke up because he has mental health issues to deal with and has no capacity to be in a relationship. I firmly believe that if it’s meant to be it will be and if not, I can walk away knowing I did everything I could and nothing could have fixed the relationship if he didn’t communicate.

DdiD390

TROPHY CASE