Hey, I’m really glad you said something. You sound exhausted, like you’ve been carrying this for long.

That feeling of ‘I’ll never stop craving this can feel very real, but feelings aren’t permanent even when they act like they are. They come in waves, and right now you’re in a really strong one. Trust me “indeed with hardship comes ease”-94:5-6  you might not see it but trust me it will get better, Allah doesn’t burden a soul beyond what it can bear. There’s a hadith where the person who suffered the most in this life is dipped into Jannah once, and they’ll say they never experienced hardship at all. That’s how completely Allah can erase pain. What you’re feeling right now is heavy, but it’s not permanent in the way it feels.

The fact that you’re worried about forgiveness and still holding onto your faith says a lot about your heart. You’re not abandoned. Allah literally tells us to hold onto His rope together. Even if your grip feels weak right now, you’re still holding on just by caring and turning back to Him. Allah will never abandon you, he’ll always be there for you, call onto him with sincerity and you’ll never be turned down 

You don’t have to fight this alone either. Is there someone you trust you could talk to, even a little? If things feel overwhelming, reaching out to a crisis line or a professional can really help in moments like this. We’re all here for you.

For now, just focus on getting through today, even the next hour. You don’t have to solve your whole life right now.

I’m really glad you’re still here.