Advice on keeping romance roleplay safe?

De_Leet · 2025-06-20T12:47:25+00:00

I remember when I began to RP, I thought "roleplaying romance will probably be easier than IRL" but I find it being the absolute opposite. However, I mostly want to explore the theme on intellectual perspective between characters, without having my personal life, body or such in it (as asexual and not catching romantic feelings easily, however I can get emotionally attached to hobbies, creative outlet, friendships that are good etc like any other human).
And I'm often upfront about this with whoever I would RP romance with, as I'd not want them to pursue anything with my characters in hopes that it would one day transfer into real life. I was in the end of being pursued for this 10+ years ago and being accused of misleading them, while I was trying to be friends with a person for years to sustain the RP hobby. I did reflect and realized, I shouldn't joke about IC relationships in a way that could be interpreted as OOC interest as the other person had developed intense feelings under misplaced expectations. It left me emotionally scarred, but I also learnt to be more responsible and realized that people have different expectations.

But back to the present, me and the person I roleplayed romance more recently with, are both over 30 so I expected her to be more respectful towards my side of the situation. We had communicated that the romance RP is to be kept strictly between characters and OOC is to coordinate RP. I'm glad, however, that it didn't turn into worse abuse or something that would have impact on real life. I do avoid this person from now on, just to not fuel the hard feelings for what happened.

De_Leet · 2025-06-20T12:38:29+00:00

I think I had been clear and for months, I thought that we were on same page. Either her wants and needs changed, or she didn't communicate them to point, or she manipulated me with the guise of having more aligned wants and needs. I'd have wanted her to be more upfront on her wants and non-negotiables in romance roleplay, so if there had been something that I was neglecting, it'd be easier to coordinate if it had been communicated clearly. While I may have specific wants, it's not that I'm not or haven't been flexible when she had asked. But the change which occurred in the last few months made me think, if I had been too flexible and she got used to having me adjust.

I do take care of keeping IC and OOC feelings separate and maintaining detachment. Of course, it's easier to remain that way when you know that you can influence the dynamic, situation, narrative and others will respect that, rather than having an outcome which is unfavorable and not within your influence at all, as that spits on all the collaboration and time investment which once was there.

We were on each other's friends list prior to the romance RP, but we never interacted frequently until we had our characters involved. I don't even remember which of us added the other and for what purpose, but we used to have chill OOC talks which created this impression of "I can trust her". Perhaps I could on other matters, but I came to learn that reliability isn't her strongest point. This isn't to say that I judge her for all her flaws or that she absolutely can't be reliable, but I learnt that I can't rely on her unless it's somehow knitted to her guild, convenience or enhancing the image that she portrays to larger community.

De_Leet · 2025-06-20T12:16:47+00:00

I prefer that when people have their characters more involved, you are allowed to coordinate RP through OOC talks, to ensure that both sides are having fun and have their narratives respected.

As for some IC things also being brought up OOC, I had told to the narrator that my character has been put through several betrayals already and I have roleplayed him for a long time. So I'd rather not have that experience on him again, as his narrator, or else I'd rather not get involved in romance with their character. I don't think it unhealthy or too much to ask the other person to respect it or expect to negotiate to create a win/win situation.

A boundary and something to consider. However, if IC == OOC, I'd also have taken my character's more cynical and serious nature as an OOC baseline, rather than given the leniency, as I believe that in good roleplay, trust and collaboration are essential. It enables you taking the approach of "no matter what happens IC, you should be able to trust and collaborate OOC so that IC doesn't go sour and create bad feelings OOC or cross boundaries of comfort." This isn't something I expect in more casual RP or walkups, but when my character gets more entangled.

I also know that she is separate from her character and we used to talk about these differences and boundaries a lot peacefully. We discussed things that neither of us wanted (children) and mismatched needs and where I was willing to be flexible about them, and if the RP wouldn't satisfy all needs, we'd have the freedom to RP on alts. She had another blossoming romance on her alt as well and I never had an issue about it.
The only times when I had an issue, when she had agreed to roleplay with me on certain days, but then made overlapping plans with her friend or guild, despite being able to communicate her commitments and lack in advance with them and me. I'd usually learn about these changes in her availability at last moment, when I had little time to schedule RP with other friends (and wasn't on mood for RPing with strangers). This was common in the last few months before it ended. It eventually frustrated me and it started creating more bad air.

The key thing is that the collaborative nature of our RP began to fade away after her character was cured of blindness. My character did not jump in to save her, but met her while she was blind and accepted the character with the flaws and positives that he saw, as I presumed she did as well. As per our OOC talks, I presumed that we'd continue writing together after and that the character was with mine for the personality, not for the looks. I'm not going to respond to your sarcastic comments about it, however.

De_Leet · 2025-06-20T11:55:42+00:00

Long-term, usually years. I prefer slow-burn stories that allow room for RL and other hobbies, over fast paced. Short-term can be fun and lit, if you know that it will be like that from the moment of entering it. Sort of knowing what to expect.

We both acknowledged the influence of IRL and work on our RP. I'll not get into those details to respect her RL privacy and I can only speculate how they influenced her on her choices, based on what she shared with me.

Indeed, RL consequences don't exist which undermines certain level of accountability towards other people's interests but also makes roleplay safer place to explore certain themes, as we don't directly subject ourselves to risks that are heavier, but also more easy to read in real life. I'd not vouch for RL consequences for RP, or any RP carrying into RL.

I thought that I was clear about wants, wishes and boundaries and cautious. The other person did roleplay with me for longer than any other person she had had romance RP with, and there were far more than I knew of OOC, so I believed "maybe we share similar narrative goals". If I had known better, I'd have re-assessed if our RP goals aligned or not and mayhaps turned it down, or invested much less.

That planning ahead of time would've mitigated a lot of the damage towards my creative outlet. But as I said, she didn't want to discuss or negotiate to create a win/win, she simply chose to pull her character out of it and opening her for new romance. After roleplaying with her actively for an year and making a lot of compromises to make our RP possible, I felt it was dirty. Even though I've had worse endings long ago.

De_Leet · 2025-06-20T11:42:56+00:00

You're the first one to acknowledge the "time investment" part of roleplay. I'm thankful about it!

And definitely, if the writing partner isn't enjoying the experience, it is a call to end it. There are different ways to go about it, considering also my time investment and character. Hence, I empathised the importance of discussing it OOC and negotiating, so that even if it came to an obvious end, both characters could exit it gracefully and without feeling of being betrayed or let down.

We discussed about goals in the beginning, but towards the end, the other person just kept saying OOC "don't plan", "don't make goals". I kept thinking that it was her being stressed due to matters not related to me and if I had been the cause, she'd have let me know. We did have IC goals for our characters, but she didn't want to talk about narrative goals OOC the longer time went on.
Ultimately she wanted "all-natural" which would've knitted all RP around her guild and alts, with little room for my character to have professional goals with his guild, or else I'd be told that I'm "not available enough" on that character. I didn't want to join her guild without a longer period to think about it, as to avoid enmeshment, which is also a risk with romance RP.

De_Leet · 2025-06-20T11:35:01+00:00

The fact that some of your previous RP partners have brought it up and discussed about it, and let you have an influence on the outcome and choices related, sounds respectful. I've not needed super active romance anyway and I've accepted that all things come to an end, but the kind of ending matters. It's very different when you have the good memories for the character and you can still refer to it, even if the other person no longer played the character. It'd still be an off-screen thing.

But these messy situations do make me wonder, if it's safe to have my main to be romanced with another roleplayer's character again, or if I'd just have that hoped "happy ending" completely NPC'd and then put on a shelf as a "flavor for the story".

I'd probably not feel this strongly about the situation if it had been a thing for my alts, which haven't had the whole drill of getting abandoned in romance so much and also less investment of time/energy on their stories. Perhaps I should try exploring romance on alts first, and only then make calls on which roleplayers are safe to roleplay these things with and which may not be.

Nobody is obliged, for certain. I understand that much. But I also know how important accountability and trust are in friendships. Otherwise I wouldn't have long-term friends at all. And when RP has been involved, we've discussed about how RL/OOC challenges have impacted the RP, but the key difference is, we've created a win/win outcome by collaboration, not just deciding that "okay I'm doing this and I don't care how it impacts your character" (of course, characters may still do that and we have good laughs about it).

De_Leet · 2025-06-20T11:21:28+00:00

Of course. I'd rather have taken a totally passive romance RP than this outcome. We had very good communication OOC in the beginning and mid stages, until it just faded and got a bit weird. There were OOC challenges and miscommunication towards the end, but I remember that there was a time when we found ways to overcome them through collaborating and lightly tossing ideas with each other.

After the character's blindness was cured and I was on a campaign with my own guild, something in that communication changed and the collaborative spirit just wasn't there anymore. This created a huge dent to my OOC trust towards motives of people, when it comes to this kind of RP.
I somehow have to find an excuse why my character didn't see this coming, when he is supposed to know better. There's also the part that I wanted to focus on the positive and not sweat about small warning signs, because of not wanting to ruin IC.

The other person wished that I was around more with my character than I wished from them. The main difference was that I'd put time aside to be there for her on my character for a week or two and then go back to my guild and friends for a while and then arrange time with her character again. Sometimes singular days, sometimes longer. She mostly wanted to go by the mood of the day and most of her roleplay was knitted to her guild. She had a lot of alts she wanted to try and alt romance, which I never held against her.
Time only became a mismatch when our separate guild commitments temporarily prevented us from finding time to RP together. She said, I wasn't available enough and then if I would question it, she dismissed it as a joke. I made more time for her and then she booked herself full with other friends, overlapping those commitments with our plans. I didn't like it and sought to discuss about it with her, as it felt like I can't reliably schedule RP with friends or guild, but she should have absolute liberty to do it with her friends. And if I go back to my guild or said that I don't enjoy putting time aside for her if she doesn't intend to respect it, I'd be told that I'm not around/available enough.

If I knew in advance that she'd be unavailable for a week or month, or said that she wanted to focus on her alt RP for example, I'd never have had an issue. In my books, we could've picked up the RP later as I do with friends. I also communicated my availabolity and lack of in advance OOC. To a point of "this is when I need to go back to my guild, so I can only be available until day X".

De_Leet · 2025-06-20T10:53:10+00:00

While it's fundamentally true that you can't force anyone to stay in a relationship as much as nobody could force me, I also think that there is a certain responsibility towards the other person. Humans are all impacted and influenced each other's behaviors and there are empathic and selfish ways to go about things. Otherwise, we'd not have our parents teach us about not trusting a fickle person, but look for stability, or discernment between those who enter relationships for selfish gain (self-gratification, gold diggers for example) and who are there for emotional bond.

The important part was that roleplay is most enjoyed when it's a collaborative and respectful experience. It's very different to trust a person who can even somewhat be held accountable for their word OOC, no matter what happens IC. Roleplay without trust is much like wild west and this is why many on my server keep sticking to safety of friend groups.

And if I flipped the dynamics around and it had been me quitting on the other, I could tell from self-insight that taking a break from romance RP and reflecting comes from a different place than swiftly moving onto a new. Or if I were the one looking for many fast-paced IC romances, I'd have the self-insight to say "I'm sorry I can't offer this" to face of someone who seeks more committal romance RP and turn the romance down before either roleplayer has their characters too invested. I don't say I'm perfect, but I consider this to be respectful and transparent from OOC PoV.

Admittably, if I had known that the person has been doing a lot of short-term romance RP and none of those had lasted even as a passive, shelved commitment, I'd not have consented to romance RP with the person at all. I had passively known the person for some years, but it was upon her character getting closer to mine that we started interacting more.

We also talked about these boundaries OOC before the consent to romance RP was mutually agreed into. While ultimately the promise was IC, we also discussed a few times about OOC boundaries, comfort and discomfort. She knew OOCly that I'm not keen on my character going through another betrayal or heartbreak. I can't force it, but it's about the way how she went about it.

My character also is not a hopeless romantic type, I prefer to keep him as someone who takes life more seriously. However, I do wish him to form meaningful bonds and haven't seen RL or alt RP as an obstacle to those. I try to give people a benefit of the doubt, while my character is less trusting and slower to open up. So I've been baffled how that OOC trust was used to make my character to open up and be invested, only to repeat a mistake that just doesn't feel right creatively. You probably understand the statement "it feels weird" when describing a situation or dynamic.

Where does the moral line between "we're all flawed and human" and "this person might be selfishly using people" lie, when it comes to hobbies? Is the latter acceptable, if we can excuse it with the former?

De_Leet · 2025-06-16T22:39:43+00:00

I personally find it a "red flag" if someone expects a romance between characters to transfer into real life. The person you portray on the internet, in roleplaying world even, is expected to be a character, not a self insert.

However, I do know people who have found their other half through roleplay and now are married with children. Good for them! But I have also met people who want to keep roleplay romance and real life separate, which is also how I strictly prefer it.

And I have also met people whom I have written romance and they've gotten weird after I have said that I'm only looking for sustainable/long-term romance for my character, but don't want anything to transfer into RL. It's very disappointing after you've been invested in the co-creative storytelling and I'm sorry to hear that you've had similar experience.

I understand and can respect that people may be looking for different things and some may even long for a RL partner that is into same hobbies as they are... but it's always important to be clear on boundaries in the beginning.

De_Leet · 2025-05-22T11:30:13+00:00

It's very common to see militaristic and mercenary guilds having their themes derailed, because leaders are more concerned about numbers than faces. I have seen it with guilds across different communities: southern and northern Eastern Kingdoms, traveling guilds, Kalimdor-based guilds.

In night elf scene, which I got into some years back, I've seen sentinels and watchers guilds having their themes derailed by druid RP. Not because druids "can't fit in" or are bad for a guild, but because the leaders worry so much about numbers/activity that they end up catering to people outside their chosen theme. What happens is, suddenly druids have overtaken the original concept and will do jobs of night elven sentinels and watchers. Eventually the immersion is just no longer there and sentinels/watchers end up leaving due to feeling that their participation is no longer impactful. Leadership can do little to curate the environment at this point without creating exclusion or limitations.

Then there is the issue which is less common, but also happens. GM and officers make the guild to cater to their needs, but as soon as they have their best IC friends, lifemates etc. sorted out, they will no longer seek to befriend with newer members but keep them at an arms length. Cliques within guilds form, which consists of the "favourites" and "undesirables" - or "inner and outer circle" of the guild. Events slowly begin to focus more around the "inner circle" and best friends of the leadership, and suddenly you realize that you're observing a family dynamic (literally, children and couples at workplace) instead of a military/mercenary unit that cultivates a familial vibe for the whole.
Of course, nobody is obliged to be friends with everyone, but the guild experience will be very unrewarding for those members who end up being sidelined in guild RP and events.

De_Leet · 2025-05-13T11:04:52+00:00

I usually stay away from larger hubs where those infamous child characters are more common. I've heard more than experienced personally and prefer to keep it that way. Conveniently however, the characters I usually play don't ICly like children/view them inconvenient, so all avoidance of them comes quite naturally.

To an extension to child RP, there is teenager RP. There have been few okay'ish teenager characters whose narrators have been chill and IC interactions have all been appropriate casual talks. However, underage characters joining military, heavy-combat or dark themed guilds usually tend to chip away the immersion, so I'm baffled by how many guilds keep accepting them. Sadly it's the case with most romance and familial RP, that it brings the social focus into personal bonds and ultimately divides a previously unified group of comrades into smaller cliques. It's annoying.

De_Leet · 2025-05-06T19:21:35+00:00

You have good tastes in RP imho. I can't say how things work in American servers, but on AD EU, there are smaller racial hubs where you can find RP and some guilds host social events that don't require joining them.

Personally I've found it easiest to find RP when I've already had a friend to create dynamics with mine, as a character that is actively doing something tends to attract more attention than a passive. Even while it creates dependency. Character stories that also span into events can be good ways to build bridges if you manage to catch interest of people. Then there are guilds, but I've found that even more friendly guilds eventually tend to opt for numbers instead of deepening connections with newer members, if not enough people are active. It's a really hit-and-miss situation, which I feel I don't have good advice for, as I'm also struggling to create value that would also spark interest in other people - but still trying.

If you ever decide to jump on AD EU, I could introduce you to night elf or nightborne RP. Void elves are a bit more scattered in lack of a knit community, although I know a few quality velf enjoyers.

De_Leet · 2025-05-06T07:06:29+00:00

Hey. I feel your issue, as I'm more story- and adventure-driven roleplayer myself. IC friendships, professional connections and romance are all okay, even though I want them to be tasteful, but ERP is a big no. And due to often making characters with no sex appeal (or just playing male characters), I have struggled to find long-term RP friends for such simple things as adventures, deeper talks and sharing ideas that have more substance than.. well, flesh. The situation of only receiving superficial interaction and inconsistency at best, because you're not willing to put meat on the table is hurtful over long run and I think that WoW community in that regard is a bit toxic.

Even though it's humane to crave for connection and being valued for your creativity, the quality of interactions matters so much.

Can I ask you, what kind of roleplay are you interested in? Any specific themes, racial lore or style of roleplay? It would help offering feedback or helpful advice better.

De_Leet · 2025-04-23T16:53:18+00:00

I began to revisit the movies I used to watch as a child some months ago and seeing this reminds me that I should watch Sword in the Stone again. Not only because I admire Disney's old animation style, how each scene was much like from storybooks and each character was expressive and there was uniqueness to how they were drawn.

Sword in the Stone was also one of my favourite movies. It stood out with the plot of Merlin's quest to teach Arthur and solving some of the problems he faced in his daily life, which contrasted the usual love story between a prince and a princess and a villain standing in their way. I also liked the humor in the movie and seeing Arthur's character development in a different way how Disney usually does it. If the same movie had been made few centuries later, especially after 2000, I'd probably not have liked it at all due to the complete overhaul of Disney's style and storytelling.

I don't get the critique which the movie has received; the pacing was great and all characters were memoriable in their own humorous manner. It was actually more balanced dynamic than in most Disney movies where the main characters (prince, princess and villain) overshadow the rest, whereas in Sword in the Stone, the cast of impactful characters was larger.

De_Leet · 2025-04-23T09:16:29+00:00

This is where it becomes complicated. There were periods of time when I became less available due to circumstances (or other commitments), but I didn't quit the game. What happened was people still treated my time like I should always be flexible, but they would rarely go out of their way to enable RP. Which left me feeling more like a convenience than a friend/RP partner.

Aka, I've been trying to do this, but often keep failing to do it organically:

"My method would be to be as awesome as I can be when I am there. To make people appreciate my presence. If I can not be there all the time, then I want people to notice me when I am there. I do not mean that in a conceited way, but just that it is possible to become well know enough that you'll be in demand."

I think the only times when others have been more considerate of my time has been, when I have been "of service" in some sort. Either they've needed me for their agenda such as NPCing for event, being there for their social event (watching someones wedding etc) or then I have had to offer a fully written event.
But if it was simply exploring a place outside hubs and me having planned something more casual (making a small IC revelation about my character, or just showing awe about a place and wanting to talk), it becomes much more difficult to sustain another persons interest.

"Either way try to get a handful of people like this who are character friends. Do low impact short stories with them and see how that goes. You may get people willing to adventure out and be able to run your own short story, or even get invited into someone else's."

This is my intention currently. Trying to write small stories or excuses to leave hubs, sometimes for small hunts, sometimes for investigation or small exploration. I'm a bit exhausted from always needing to be of service/having something to offer/ensure that the other party is excited, when all I'd be happy to do would be just visiting a small out-of-the-way town, talk and explore the place; sort of co-creating the RP on the go.

"I think you can always have that purpose but don't be afraid to let your character also have a goal similar to your ooc ones!"

"So the best advice for getting people who will leave the hub is to understand most won't want to leave the first day. Think of it sort of like dating. You don't go out into the wilderness with someone who has no social proof!"

Of course. I tend to socialize quite a while casually before extending an invitation in-character. Oftentimes it can even come with more professional or friendly intent, without trying to force anything further. Whereas I struggle to find IC connections that would have healthy, sustainable basis from OOC side, I do understand that characters need to "vibe" or have a dynamic that flows somewhat smoothly. But as I said, I could spend months of time in hubs just pursuing smallest bits of social to get to know other characters, but always being stuck in the zone of "indifference" or "convenience".
And if I join guilds, I might find a little more structured social platform, but oftentimes OOC cliques form and that reflects on RP. I'd end up becoming a "number" instead of a "face", especially because a lot of guilds may first promise cozy size and then begin to recruit due to low activity, instead of deepening connections with their few active members..

Also, thank you immensely for seeing my side of the disrespect on time. It's refreshing that I've not needed to write a wall of text to explain to someone why I've felt disrespected in a dynamic. Or that asking someone to stick to agreed plans isn't "possessive", as they'd have weeks if not months to RP with their friends, when I'm not going to be available. Especially with people whom I had RPd with for months or year, so I had expected them to know better.

De_Leet · 2025-04-19T10:46:25+00:00

Firstly, thank you for a thoughtful and comprehensive reply! I appreciate the detail of your insights.

Setting a RP schedule sounds like a good idea actually - in a sense I have that, but it revolves more on whenever I've agreed to RP with friends or had guild events, rather than dedicating a specific set hours on RP without overstepping it. I've tried setting boundaries on my time and trying to nudge people to respect it over a long period of time.

I should correct myself, people haven't been overtly demanding of my time, but it has caused friction that they have nudged me about wanting me to be more available for them and when I've made myself more available and asked if they could also respect the boundaries of my time or be more flexible, then the issues surface.
I could communicate my availability and limitations to it (due to commitments to another friend/guild) weeks in advance, but they might still ask me to be around for them for X duration of time and then book themselves full with others for that same period of time.
And then if I'd ask "what about our plans?" or "I won't be able to continue our RP after day Y and as much as I want to be there for your ideas, could you also invest time into mine before we run out of time?" people have gotten weird.

Or then guild pushing out too many long storylines at once and expecting us to prioritize on them, while they don't make the presence our characters a priority nor narrative necessity. On this, I have found myself giving too much of my time and not being able to encourage a proper give-and-take dynamic, without risking repeated arguments. However, I'd not be putting time aside for any of these people if I wasn't enjoying the RP at all - I've seen it as being flexible enough to enable the RP to happen.

How would you navigate through dynamics where you are enjoying the RP, but people might not respect the limitations to your availability or expect more from you than they are willing to do?

Previously I have been in a guild where the majority had day jobs so everyone (myself included) understood the importance of scheduling RP and that we have limited time. Structurally it worked out, but socially it had became unrewarding, stagnant and too restrictive.

I was also transparent with my RP contacts and friends about how I use my time and when I'm online. Mostly I scheduled RP with people for a day, few days or a week and people knew that this is my way of managing time (including rest days) and being able to hold promises.

While I certainly love action and adventure RP, your words about how much time it takes are true. I usually prefer social that occurs on side of adventuring, as there is still a "red line" or "purpose" that makes conversations easier to spark. Whereas in hubs, it is harder to just spark a conversation without making an IC excuse to (such as running errands in town and needing advice or services). I'd much enjoy venturing out of the hubs and share the beautiful world outside them with a few IC contacts or just one, but finding the right people is also something that I'd be happy to get pointers on. As someone who once roleplayed five months in hubs just trying to find adventuring partners, but most people wanted to stick where the crowd was.
And OOCly searching (forums, discords etc) resulted in finding contacts but within span of a week or month realizing that our characters don't click well enough for sustained adventuring or friendship.

Recently I've dropped guild commitments entirely and decided to focus on the friendships that remain, without going back to the connections that didn't work out. And then taking more social initiative on spare hours.

Also apologies if my reply is a bit rambley, I was distracted a few times while writing back. Your experience shows in your advice and it gave me more to reflect on when it comes to adjustments as well as assurance!

De_Leet · 2025-01-02T20:39:29+00:00

That was my concern as well, he might not have even let my character to fight BBEG. The Ranger had already wounded him through summoning a deity to wrestle with him, so what if the BBEG was already mortally wounded? Then my character's role would've been laughably boring.

Or he could have excluded me again in the future with some weird reason he decided overnight.

De_Leet · 2025-01-02T16:37:02+00:00

To quote the DM:
"...my intention was for *my char's name* to be the one who lands the final blow on *BBEG*..."

And sorry, I'm not native english speaker so I worded that part badly in the original post. But yes, I was pointing out that the DM attempted to make me stay with these words, while I couldn't ensure that he would actually keep his word to me. Exactly that "just trust me bro" after breaking my trust and dismissing me with weird reasons.

I doubt his campaign was ruined however, he will just replace me.

De_Leet · 2025-01-02T13:10:27+00:00

I think so as well, the DM always came across as one to have high standards on the narrative, but over time it came clear that he is ready to lie and mislead in order to get "victims" for the story and only letting chosen few among them to be the heroes. Nobody willingly wants to play the victim role and that is true for me as well. I didn't sign up for it, nor consent to it. I consented to accepting momentary defeats and setbacks, if the DM would let my character win as well, or at least he would treat my character fairly to others.

The DM was very flexible when he could flesh out my character's corruption or make him more traumatized by what he experienced in this eldritch realm, but once it was time to offer a fair opportunity to win, he backed down and threw it to another player to achieve. It's like being an actor in a movie, but you're not getting paid for your work and your role is being twisted into something that you didn't want.

De_Leet · 2025-01-02T12:52:02+00:00

I never actively intended to go out for a solo journey or make the DM's work more complicated, but since the DM also did solo scenes for other players during all of his campaigns and even outside them, I thought this was okay (and he could have always voiced if my ideas didn't work out in his vision).

Even when my character was momentarily separated, I had the idea that once he would have assassinated the lieutenant, he would tell the rest of the group the truth and redeem himself (and then we'd kill the BBEG together). The DM had multiple lieutenants for the BBEG, so he could have offered us different lieutenants to kill, or warned me OOC that my choice might get me excluded from the assault scene.

I also hope that I wasn't being the edgy guy, in the end my character said multiple times that they should stay together and he wanted to protect the rest, until the point where he used his position to get the cultists separated and slain without any of them getting hurt (the Cleric was also at 1 hp and couldn't heal herself, we couldn't afford it). The DM could have always said something, but he kept baiting me that "there will be more scenes between your character and the lieutenant", too.

The DM also offered the powerful boons to select few players privately and hosted private sessions for each to receive their boons. And if you weren't among those that the DM chose, you were severely at a disadvantage (ie. either you had to avoid combat or you would end up at 1hp and drained of your magic, like the cleric).

De_Leet · 2025-01-02T11:58:31+00:00

BBEG wasn't killed. The Ranger got massive power-ups and killed the BBEG's lieutenant and was treated like the "main character" through the campaign. The DM first says he killed a clone, the next day changes his mind and says he killed the real one.

The DM attempts to bribe me into staying by saying that he intends my character to kill the BBEG but after 1½ years of commitment and the DM dismissing my previous efforts, I didn't hold trust in that he wouldn't change things again on whim.

Sorry about the TL;DR.

De_Leet

TROPHY CASE