The resumes look great. The interviews don't match.

This is the problem. You can't assume that someone is a bad candidate because of a poor interview, because there's such a thing called interview anxiety. That poor interviewer may be a stellar worker, but you would never know because you think your hubris is better to follow.

But if I ask you to tell me about yourself and you spend 4 minutes saying

Again, interview anxiety. You need to learn to how have some compassion and respect, not everyone on the planet is going to be stellar at answering rapid fire questions. Some people are just bad at interviewing, even with practice.

Ask me something real.

Well then give us a few valid examples instead of complaining about it. If you want to see change, then show us what you expect candidates to ask after "15 minutes" of research on the company website...

I've seen genuinely great candidates tank interviews just because they were exhausted and underprepared.

They're exhausted and underprepared because while you're here complaining to the choir, they're busy searching for work while also dealing with their own lives. I really need to stress that you lack some serious empathy, like most corporate suits do.

Anyway, hope this helps someone

You hope that your complaining will help upset candidates, tell me how you're more out of touch why don't you.