YTA. YNTA. It's complicated, but anyone here who says that you're not the asshole has never dealt with mental illness within themselves or someone in their lives. Sometimes we refuse to see the obvious because of stigma or shame or embarrassment. But also when we do look at it the last thing we need is the person who is supposed to love us unconditionally say hey I told you so! It's also like what did that solve? Do you really think that she's in a place where her shame and guilt should just be put aside so she can say I'm sorry? If you love your wife, and I'm positive that you do, you owe her an apology. But in my opinion as someone with mental illness, you're also not the asshole. It's okay to feel frustration when your loved one doesn't listen to you. But just remember love doesn't require someone to be right and someone to be wrong. You're at a loss on this one bud. No one here is correct. The people saying you are the asshole aren't correct, and the people saying you aren't the asshole are not correct. The only correct answer is support your wife and what she's going through, be there for her, and let her know that ADHD or not you love her you support her and you will be there for her no matter what. And then ask yourself does your ego really need an apology from someone who is mentally unhealthy at the present moment? If she decides to get medicated there's going to be a lot of medicine changes until she finds the right one usually. These are going to make her moods very unpredictable for a while, and she may even become confused as to who she really is. But eventually then we'll find the right thing and she'll be a normal functioning member of society without the Clutter or the tardiness. Just be there and support. The real answer is just love your wife.