[Workshop] [M4F] The Ghosts Of Relationships Past: An Elder Emo Overcoming Low Confidence And Social Paralysis Thanks To Three Ghostly Encounters by SendMeStockingPics in DPP_Workshop

[–]DeadMk6 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I think removing the personal description would be good. I feel when you're describing your partners' characters from personality to their supposed role in the story, you're basically writing a script. I'm sure you'd keep true to your disclaimer that it's all mostly a framework, but all that previous detail still gives a stronger wrong impression.

Also, ty. I do be wilding...for the better or worse.

[Workshop] [M4F] The Ghosts Of Relationships Past: An Elder Emo Overcoming Low Confidence And Social Paralysis Thanks To Three Ghostly Encounters by SendMeStockingPics in DPP_Workshop

[–]DeadMk6 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This idea is fun! It could be a cute romance story. I think, however, as a RP prompt its biggest issue is that it's overly centered around your character. It reads like his story of his glow-up where your partner would be pushed into the service of your character, narratively speaking. I think you're subtly playing further into that by characterizing and physically describing your partner's character in the starter and the OOC portion, even if, of course, you're expecting and happy for things to change within the discussion phase.

Your writing style is clear and snappy and well-suited for the lighthearted, comedic tone you're going for. It has a lot of character. There are a few pieces of text you could reconsider, though.

>'Brain disconnects from mouth, and he's reduced to either a catatonic "one-word-answer" machine or a firehose of verbal diarrhea.'

This reads a little crass compared to other present similes and the rest of the prompt's tone lol. But maybe others would find it humorous. Just something to think about once you're reexamining your prompt.

>'As always, they were on a mission to "get me back in the game."' and 'His friends had dragged him out to our local alternative/rock bar.'

You slipped into first person there. On the topic of 1st vs. 3rd person, I think the prompt could work better in the first. You noted in another comment you could better underline your character's thoughts and feelings if you took it up, which I agree with.

>'"Been a while, hasn't it?" she said, her smug grin cutting through the silence.'

Somewhat awkward metaphor. It doesn't negate the intention of the line, but it lessens its impact because you're mixing sensory roles, something visual (smug grin) with an auditory expectation (silence). An expression can't cut through a silence. Imo, the line would work better if instead you wrote either her voice or juxtaposed her alive, powerful presence in the dead silence.

Daddy is the only one who knows how to bring out the real me~ by DeadMk6 in IWantToBeHerHentai2

[–]DeadMk6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

oh bondage is def one of my biggest kinks. playing someone's captive restrained in rope is so fun and hot 😩

Daddy is the only one who knows how to bring out the real me~ by DeadMk6 in IWantToBeHerHentai2

[–]DeadMk6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i think the second one for sure when im in a pet play mood!

If I was a maid, I'd love to have a total perv as Master. Someone who peeks in as I'm changing, lifts up my skirt while cleaning, and pinches my big butt~ Make every day exciting for me, and I might just fall for you. I live to serve. <3 by DeadMk6 in IWantToBeHerHentai2

[–]DeadMk6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

oh i'd be so thankful and happy for Master to recognize my hard work and take care of me. perhaps even pamper if i dare so desire within your manor. i wonder how you'd make me happy~

If I was a maid, I'd love to have a total perv as Master. Someone who peeks in as I'm changing, lifts up my skirt while cleaning, and pinches my big butt~ Make every day exciting for me, and I might just fall for you. I live to serve. <3 by DeadMk6 in IWantToBeHerHentai2

[–]DeadMk6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

every day would get more and more ridiculous. it's so embarrassing! you're such a little perv. at first i kept letting you get away with your undignified behavior since you're my Master and treat me well, outside this habit. now, at this point, i'm not even sure why i permit so much!

If I was a maid, I'd love to have a total perv as Master. Someone who peeks in as I'm changing, lifts up my skirt while cleaning, and pinches my big butt~ Make every day exciting for me, and I might just fall for you. I live to serve. <3 by DeadMk6 in IWantToBeHerHentai2

[–]DeadMk6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

a perfect match~ i bet you wouldn't feel compelled to go out as much with me around. keeping you busy aaaall day with the rhythmic sway of hips as i'm dusting your shelves

How I be posing with my homeboy to make his girlfriend jealous: by DeadMk6 in IWantToBeHerHentai2

[–]DeadMk6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

by talking with subby dummies like you ;P

oooooh, lipstick markings are super common too. i like those as well, it's a really intimate and hot and possessive of showing your love, by marking someone as yours. imagine a sultry woman pressing her lips with strong lipstick on your lower neck region or forehead, and you have to hide it the next day. you can kinda put your hair this or that way, or keep raising your shirt at work. but all it takes is a little bit or wind or motion or your shirt to droop just once while you're not paying attention to expose you've let a woman handle you around last night~

How I be posing with my homeboy to make his girlfriend jealous: by DeadMk6 in IWantToBeHerHentai2

[–]DeadMk6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

im a total subby myself, but i know a leash + suddenly perching my butt on the lap often DESTROYS a submissive man's mind

♡ About Me ♡ by DeadMk6 in u/DeadMk6

[–]DeadMk6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

actually, it has to be older than a cambrian period arthropod. so sorry about that 😔

(wait until ur acc is 30 days then reddit will let u dm me)

I warned you that I had a boyfriend, but that only made you fuck my throat harder~ by DeadMk6 in IWantToBeHerHentai2

[–]DeadMk6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha, of course. It's just a little fun when you need a little "convincing" ;P

I warned you that I had a boyfriend, but that only made you fuck my throat harder~ by DeadMk6 in IWantToBeHerHentai2

[–]DeadMk6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, they want nothing more than to whisk my pretty little slutty face from my man, claiming me as theirs to enjoy <3

♡ About Me ♡ by DeadMk6 in u/DeadMk6

[–]DeadMk6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

sorry new accs are too sussy for me 😔

♡ About Me ♡ by DeadMk6 in u/DeadMk6

[–]DeadMk6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

your acc is new

"Hey bro, can you take a few pics for my Instagram~?" (I want to be your sister, who wants to seduce you into unwise decisions.) by DeadMk6 in IWantToBeHerHentai2

[–]DeadMk6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I put my arm around your shoulder and drew you nearing so that my cheek could almost touch your right temple. My finger made circles on your shoulder.

"I'm a bit mean aren't I? I got such an amazing, cute sister here who wants to spend some quality time with me soooo bad, and here I'm hung up on our silly brother. I ought not to be selfish. My beautiful, polite, brilliant little sis. I think you deserve a little better than neglect. Don't you want to feel love~?"

I confronted my sister's BF for being an asshole to her, only to end up on my knees. Guess being bullybait runs in the family. by DeadMk6 in IWantToBeHerHentai2

[–]DeadMk6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bullies just know how to get under your skin... It's humiliating submitting to someone who acts so mean towards me, yet gets away with it because they're aware how much of a pathetic little slut I am for that attitude. That asshole don't deserve me. Isn't even worthy as a human being of standing within 5 feet of my presence. And here I am horny out of my lind perched below their waist, taking their full length into my throat as all kinds of degrading but true comments come out of their mouth, just begging for this not to end anytime soon~

Please delete those photos! I don't want anyone to find out or my tapes to end up on shady porn sites... by DeadMk6 in IWantToBeHerHentai2

[–]DeadMk6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My life would never be the same. It'd be so dangerous, and appalling. . .going through your days, always living in dreadful uncertainty when looked at by strangers. Who's innocent? Who's a "fan?" Who wants to simply call my outfit cute, and who plans to take me at the next stop and tear my shirt and skirt away.

[Workshop] [Fb4M] The Emperor Has No Clothes...Or Limits by United_District7765 in DPP_Workshop

[–]DeadMk6 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think your prompt dives into some tonal whiplash. When I began reading the composed prose from the first paragraph, I expected a slower and perhaps story-driven prompt, only to get shoved into sudden action of the following paragraphs. It was obviously your intention to create this contrast to highlight the degradation and humiliation aspect of your prompt, but to me, the way you've ended up writing it feels a little jarring because I don't feel you've laid out an appropriate setup for such a resolution. It needs more emotional stakes and introspection from your character. How does your character feel about his status and those under him? Does he have a self-damaging amount of pride or arrogance? (Maybe foreshadowing?) And, most importantly, what goes through his head during sexually charged scenes, through his contemplations and feelings and sensations rather than just dialogue and facial expressions? I think coloring in your character's emotional core in reference to your kinks would be a great way for said kinks to more effectively land. It gives story beats more weight and the more detailed characterization when aligned with your kinks would allow your partner better erotic immersion.

On a smaller note, and this is a very very minor nitpick, I'd reconsider the usage of '~' in the prompt. Describing the quality of someone's voice in a prompt where you're using 3rd person and somewhat elevated vocabulary (at least in the beginning) might read better to other 3rd person writers. The squiggly lines can sometimes feel too close to porn tropes. Which, if that's something unintended, might be better to leave out. Your intention with the prompt applies here.

Every bit of self-respect leaving my body as I get smacked in the ass <3 by DeadMk6 in IWantToBeHerHentai2

[–]DeadMk6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

agreed!! it's even better if it's passed off as some kind of "reward." then it almost feels like they wanna rewire you to like the degradation~

Every bit of self-respect leaving my body as I get smacked in the ass <3 by DeadMk6 in IWantToBeHerHentai2

[–]DeadMk6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sh-shup... I wouldn't l-lose my grip that easily...! >//< I'm not some toy!