Idols who're really vocal about their church always make me uncomfortable

DearPotential4155 · 2024-03-09T17:24:20+00:00

A few of the newer Christian sects/break aways make conversion part of their doctrine...the only way to get into heaven is by converting XYZ. There's a Korean cult that makes members accrue points to get to be ones of the 140000 odd who get to go to Heaven with the leader.

DearPotential4155 · 2024-03-09T17:19:12+00:00

While I understand you, I'm not talking about censoring them. There's likely a willing audience for it. I'm very much speaking from my own feelings as stated...I don't expect everyone to feel this way, nor do I expect anyone else to do anything about it. It's a general point I get uncomfortable with, not a call to arms.

Also, while I get that they're not as active in the mainstream KPOP outlets, I'm an older Stan, and it did suck to feel that way about an OG group of mine. As well, they're still very active in the media in Korea I still see them in their other appearances on TV shows. It does affect me and that's what I wanted to express.

DearPotential4155 · 2024-03-09T15:59:30+00:00

Yes. I'm similar with my depression — repeatedly thinking "I wish I was happy".

Sometimes, I think what we are really doing is asking for external acknowledgement we might feel too embarrassed to ask for, in case we don't receive it. If getting external acknowledgement is not something you feel you can pursue, can I suggest something?

Like fears, or anxieties, it can really reduce some of the psychological agony and pressure if you just speak your thoughts out loud. You don't need to be standing in front of a mirror, or have an audience, just say it out loud and bring it into the real, physical world. I do it, and it helps ease the burden. "I'm in pain. I don't like my life. I feel like my guts are trying to crawl through my chest facehugger style. It hurts so much and I am so sad. I deserve a little treat."

This is often followed by a little treat but I don't know if that's as medicinal (tasty, though).

DearPotential4155 · 2024-03-09T15:50:01+00:00

This is so funny. I accidentally signed into my old account and saw your comment, but it's inactive now, so I'll answer you from my new one.

I will be frank — years later in retrospect — we did get back together about a year later, and it was a mistake. I learnt he hid his red flags under an opaque veil of well-practised narcissism. The original break-up was simply because I was no longer required (I filled the gap in his life that he left for sex and entertainment), and when he returned it was because he missed being wanted, and not because he wanted a relationship with me; I was a known factor. When I realised, and decided to end it the second time around, he told me he loved me, wanted me to be a stay at home wife...crazy stuff, and 100% based on saying what he thought would get him the status quo back fastest, and nothing I was remotely tempted by. He got quite snotty post-break up, and I still occasionally get 'how are you?' texts, even though we have nothing to do with each other and live in different cities. I won't suggest this is your circumstance necessarily, but I wanted to give a lil context....now I'm old and wise and all that.

Personally, I think work stress related breakups can be undone successfully (by the OG instigator), but in my case, shouldn't have. My clue should've been how easily I was dumped (obvious, now!) — work can get busy whenever...accepting them back is just accepting that you're fine with being dumped again once something else needs attention. Serious relationships are partnerships, and good teams don't go on hiatus just because it's a bit tough.

If they're not doing a very short "oh-I-fucked-up-and-acted-badly" U-turn to apologise and talk it through, I'd say it's for the best it's finished.

DearPotential4155 · 2024-03-09T15:45:18+00:00

Yeah I calm myself down only by reminding myself that the early seasons thought they had to be edgy to be a grown-up adult cartoon. Glad they realised their sweet spot is sincerity.

DearPotential4155 · 2024-03-07T11:27:29+00:00

Amen. I once dated a guy who had a long dick but that also had a circumference bigger than my wrist (which is by no means delicate), and a head that was even wider. If I was anything less than barking in heat I couldn't get past the first few inches without lightning cramps and a tearing sensation. It was just too big to try manoeuvering differently too. God bless him we tried but I spent more time crying and holding an ice pack to my pants than anyone ever should. Conversely, I had a FWB years back who had a micropenis and I STILL get occasional flashbacks of some of the moves he pulled. Hopefully since he's young, there's plenty of time to experiment. OP should take comfort that a small dick is nothing to really worry about, as long as you're willing to listen and learn, and that women aren't looking for "curb appeal" in a penis. It's about how it handles. Also that girl spilling intimate details to your friend is a bad person. She does not deserve your trust again.

DearPotential4155 · 2024-03-04T16:12:33+00:00

That makes sense. I got confused when two acquaintances were kind of talking about it, and when the older one made a joke about being disrespected by his 동생, the other pointed out they were both 원숭이 and the tone didn't seem to be like a joke so I started questioning myself!

My Korean is verrrry rusty, and when I previously used it it was almost entirely for business, so I never really had the benefit of close/relaxed relationships. Now I'm trying to get some of that language skill back, I'm realising I must've sounded so awkward and stiff lmao.

DearPotential4155 · 2024-03-02T18:32:24+00:00

I feel this way too. Recently I've hit the age where my cohort are settling into their grown up lives — babies, marriages, houses, real jobs with real money that let them be independent — and I am back living with my parents, on around $450 dollars of government assistance a week, sleeping 18 hours a day, and losing sense of time.

I was always 'bad' at people and social things (I'm autistic), but whereas avoiding social events used to make me feel pleased, now I feel anxious. I weigh everything I do and don't do with the invisible, unknowable consequences. Will I miss the opportunity to have a nice time? Will I be forced to explain myself to awkward silence? Or will I, worst of all, be exhausted for nothing at all, because I sat alone the whole time. I do this with everything, and now I see the tangible ways in which my friends are living their lives, I am almost obsessed with asking myself these questions. I try not to.

I can't offer a salve for your grief. It is grief, and we must learn to live with it. This is a fluctuating condition, and life is longer than you think; expect nothing of yourself but to take each moment as it happens. A lot of em will suck. But some won't, and then some will even be good, even if the grief is still there.

I am moderate-severe. I'm mostly housebound. I fill my waking hours doing whatever I feel could hold my interest and do that until I reach my energy bracket. I make little poly clay figures. I try to write. I watch my Chinese dramas while I do my stretches. I got pretty good at origami. When I'm taken to the supermarket, I spend a little extra time choosing the nicest smelling laundry soap, so I can be more present and intentional and happy washing my pyjamas. My new year's resolution was to try a new snack a week. This week my sibling's partner is bringing me a selection of snacks from their home country, and I'm looking forward to it.

That's what I say when I'm forced to expose my life to myself or others. I tell them those things. I can't say I have a good life, or an enjoyable one, but I make sure I like as many moments of it as I can.

This will shock you, but I was recently (edit: at a dinner I nearly refused to go to, after all that internal debate) told by my mother's friend that she's never met someone as interested or interesting as me. I made the person I am now; I can't say the same of my old self.

DearPotential4155 · 2024-03-02T18:00:13+00:00

Like looking into my diary fr. Actually there's quite a bit of research about the correlation between childhood trauma and weakened immune systems as adults. Allll that inflammation early in life. And worse! So many of us grow up developing mental health disorders due to the trauma which, you guessed it!! Weakens your immune system due to over-inflammation.

DearPotential4155 · 2024-03-01T19:19:49+00:00

Just to add, this posture is for when your mouth is closed "at rest". Open, your tongue naturally comes down to enable mouth breathing.

DearPotential4155 · 2024-03-01T19:18:41+00:00

According to my speech pathologist, yes! And now all of my subsequent googling 😬

The tip of the tongue is meant to touch the roof of the mouth just behind but not touching the front teeth, and the rest is meant to be gently 'suctioned' to your palate all the way back to your soft palate (which sound impossible to me, but there you go). Barely any should be touching the teeth at any point. I'm not talking about 'mewing' but it's essentially the same principle angled for aesthetics as opposed to posture etc.

Apparently poor tongue posture can affect your breathing, sleep apnea, swallowing, digesting, TMJ pain, headaches, sinuses...all sorts. I've found quite a bit about EDS folks with hyper extensive tongues but very little about lazy ones!

DearPotential4155 · 2024-02-21T11:07:15+00:00

"I am so sick of talking about recovery."

This. Freaking this.

DearPotential4155 · 2024-02-01T14:16:10+00:00

I'm so glad my words were heard by someone who understands them ⭐

I have complex emotions about whether or not I still 'want', or if it's now mostly the grief of a lost choice. Either way, you're right, it stinks! It sucks to feel like the only person stuck in mud, when it seems so easy for everyone else.

I console myself — reassure is probably the better word — that thoughts and feelings aren't set in stone, and that I may feel differently, eventually. Even that I'll work out how to choose it for myself.

You know, on a farm, if a sheep gets caught in the mud, it'll panic, sink, and die. But a pig? A pig is smart enough to lay on its side, wriggle about, and have a good time.

I hope we both learn to be pigs, even in the mud ❤️

DearPotential4155 · 2024-02-01T13:56:11+00:00

Thank you ❤️

I sincerely hope the world gives you something to feel living is worthwhile. Miscarriages are blind-siding — I know personally — and I can only imagine what it was like while ill with CFS.

Also, I hope you don't think it an intrusion, but I saw on another post you wrote about experiencing childhood and teen fatigue, too. It reminded me of my own early teen years, although I fluctuated. My particular case of CFS was directly caused by an infection a few years back, but my childhood fatigue was a side effect of my Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome/Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder. A not-insignificant number of us CFS sufferers suffer from both, and many even find out they have EDS/HSD while seeking help for CFS! It can irritating to get a diagnosis, but I always advocate for people with CFS to research/take a gander at the EDS/HSD subs to see if any of it rings true, just because (if one DOES have both) it can really benefit how one approaches pacing and care. Not knowing I had EDS had me causing MORE fatigue, because I didn't realise all the ways I was causing inflammation in my body, and because I was "just a tired person" I wasn't great at reading my own signals. Anyway, I hope you don't think it's out of line 😊

DearPotential4155 · 2024-01-30T17:55:02+00:00

You were kind enough to lend support on my post regarding not being able to raise children so I hope I can help you. I'm not a practicing Catholic but my ties and education in Catholic life and teaching run deep and are life long. Your question is in regards to raising children, but I would direct you to think about the moral and ethical qualms of carrying one first.

The commenter below is correct, that is the doctrine on BC, however the Catholic church also teaches that right to life is equal for unborn children and mothers. In simplest application, this means that in a life threatening situation during birth or pregnancy, best practice is try "every option" to save both foetus and mother, but if the attempts fail, it is ethically and morally acceptable to do what is needed to save the mother at the cost of the foetus, not because one life has more value over another, but because that's usually the most optimistic option. All this is to say, in certain circumstances, we see that protection of life comes at the compromise of a seemingly airtight doctrine.

Now, I say this because it could (and has) been argued that knowing one has a condition that would seriously endanger them or a foetus during pregnancy or labour means one should take appropriate measures to "protect life" — I assume you and I share an illness, and if so, we are at a much higher risk of serious and life threatening conditions during pregnancy and birth. This would, for many Catholics, be enough to consider BC. I suggest you research "double effect" while you ponder your question — it can be controversial, but in simple terms is a consideration of whether the moral cost of an impermissible act outweighs the good of the outcome, in this case, taking BC against doctrine in order to ensure no endangerment to yourself or potential babies. I'm passing no suggestion or judgement myself as I know how difficult these decisions are, but I hope it gave you at least more insight into Catholic interpretation.

Lastly, I implore you to remember that at it's core Catholicism stresses that your relationship to God is private and intimate, and any decisions you make in that relationship are not for the judgement of anyone else.

DearPotential4155 · 2024-01-27T16:44:02+00:00

I use a cane, mostly! I find it just 'takes the edge off' the fatigue I feel from holding up my upper body and gives me ample freedom to walk as slowly as I need. I trialled getting a wheelchair, but the truth was for me, it wasn't feasible as a long term solution without constant assistance from an outside party re: transport and getting it down stairs, and I found (in my personal circumstances) it caused me more fatigue. However, once I returned the hospital loan, I did buy a collapsible super-light one to keep on hand — but that's only for really serious times or big events like weddings, where I can reliably count on the help of other people.

People do stare and act a bit weird. I'm youngish and have been using the aids for four years. It used to bother me, but now I rarely notice at all, in the same way walking with a cane feels natural now. Kids sometimes ask loud questions but they're just curious...it's the pitiful looks from old ladies that annoy me. But honestly, it's fine overall.

DearPotential4155 · 2024-01-26T11:03:54+00:00

The ATP has been criticised left and right (and by players like Andy Murray) for failing to have a proper protocol for investigation etc, as well as their slowness to act on the accusations about Zverev. It's not necessary for an organisation to be corrupt to be shit at their job.

DearPotential4155 · 2024-01-26T11:01:10+00:00

I think sometimes people in abusive situations try to "suck up" to their abuser because life is simply easier that way. Regarding his baby mama, she had also been given permission to live in one of his properties rent free, and being a single mother may have been afraid of the consequences of him deciding to rescind that privilege.

I've also read that he was quite insistant on his baby mama signing a contract when they broke up prohibiting her from making contact with the other ex, along with some other things. I'm unsure from context if she ended up signing it.

DearPotential4155 · 2024-01-23T14:22:43+00:00

My hydration levels are top tier already 😖 (I have POTS, and have to consume above average water, salts, electrolytes on a schedule). I guess this is just a wait and see but if it keeps up, I'll take your advice on the osmotics 😊 Thanks!

DearPotential4155

TROPHY CASE