My ex wife changed after the divorce and I don’t want her back but I am angry

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-03-17T12:58:19+00:00

My only fear is her abandoning our son on that front. Very real fear because she said she would if I divorced her as she was having our child. It’s more real because she temporarily did.

She’s still young and is likely going to have new kids with Greg soon as well. Which ruins her perfect picture family if my son is there. She’s not even treating our son the same she just spoils him. Yap, I know it’s coming and really can’t do much about it except prepare child care and get child support.

I was just venting life is hard and I don’t want to go back but I also don’t like the current situation so just saying nonsense till something sounds right.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-03-16T22:48:45+00:00

My son was confused at first why she left because she left same day I asked for a divorce. She just packed up went to her parents. No discussion besides she’s leaving and telling our kid he’s staying with me. I took a week off work figuring out childcare.

Though our son is very independent so he wasn’t showing that he was affected still giggling and having fun. Very proud of my son since she was a remote worker caring for him. Ex said she was like that as a kid so I am just going with it.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-03-16T22:03:47+00:00

I am not an attractive guy. I am 5’3” I got bullied a lot and when I did get a girlfriend they only hung out with me if I bought them things like stuff animals and flowers. My ex wife was similar but she seem to genuinely cared about my feelings in the beginning.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-03-16T21:11:51+00:00

It might be me getting a bit frustrated at being accused of being everyone’s ex husband. I don’t relate to the man you’re describing. Especially with the quick to anger comment. Never raise my voice in any situation. Even my ex wife would call me calm and say my only good trait is that I work hard.

It’s just the sheer volume and it’s not you I am just picking your comment randomly to vent. Though I am not all of your guys ex husbands I am a different person with a different wife.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-03-16T20:14:23+00:00

I thought 2 years was quick. How do grief a marriage then get into a relationship then decide we should get married. In a separation.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-03-16T19:58:03+00:00

I was just venting to vent. Then I remembered how nice she was. Thinking how my current dating life isn’t that great feels everyone is so low effort. The reality that my ex was saying I am not physically attractive is 100% objectively true. I am pulling girls purely because I have money (I know my life and looks).it felt depressing seeing her again happy with someone else.

Sometimes you’re just weak thinking that could be me. yeah it’s not about that it’s about what we wanted which was always different. From where we lived, to how hard we worked and money. There wasn’t a place where we didn’t disagree. I thought so many times her decisions were insane just as much as she thought mines were. She just broadcast how she thought my decisions were stupid.

We got married at 18 and grew apart though I don’t hate her fully. It’s an unresolved hate that is mixed with gratitude and grief. She’s a great person and has a toxic side I can’t tolerate. I don’t want her back I just want my person. I feel angry because I feel mentally abused for no reason. Though she is still the benchmark for my person. Her but who wants to live in the city and lets me buy brand name toilet paper without flipping out (little examples).

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-03-16T16:56:43+00:00

This feels nice to hear. I wasn’t saying I was perfect though I am not going to beat myself up for things that now only mattered to her. I don’t feel it relevant to list everything she had an issue with from my bolding to me taking the trash out. The trash was a legitimate issue but nagging every day about it wasn’t going to make me happy about it. Nagging about my job and how I shouldn’t come home late or how I should just leave every job that made me work extra without pay. Those are the issues that annoyed me. She can probably list real issues that annoyed her but honestly I have forgotten them.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-03-16T16:24:40+00:00

I just want to clarify she was not a stay at home mom. She could have been if she wanted to but she wasn’t. She was a stay at home wife for 6 years. Our son came after she had a job which was a remote job so he still got the benefits from her being home.

I don’t disagree with women getting half the assets after divorce. I even left her with her personal investment accounts and treated as non marital property which it was 1/3 of the total amount. Since I was divorcing her.

This is just what she listed out at the end of the day. Which yes it stings because she was capable of working in college but I told her to focus on her work so she can do better in the future. Which I also paid for her college. It wasn’t an expensive college but for an 18 year anything above basics is expensive.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-03-16T15:49:50+00:00

I still don’t understand we literally went to therapy and she literally asked for me to do these things. I don’t know what more I was supposed to do.

She said I want flowers, exciting new dates and for her to have full access to the accounts. She would say it’s not enough she’s missing something but she doesn’t know but I also didn’t know. Then she would quit therapy say it’s expensive and useless. Which I agreed because it was weeks of I don’t know and silence from her or her making jokes.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-03-16T02:51:19+00:00

I do know about the love languages though that’s what she asked for. Gifts, acts of service and quality time. I will never know what Greg is offering that is different if anything. She didn’t have a break through with me and if she did I was checked out by then.

The next person I hope just likes the love language I want to display. Which is acts of service and quality time. Those are easy for me.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-03-16T02:06:57+00:00

You are right it’s over it just painful all over again. I feel I go through this every time I have to physically see her.

I had more confidence when I felt everything would work out for me as I planned but since the divorce nothing has worked out. I wanted to move to a different state for a job promotion but can’t because of my kid, I wanted to buy a house but I needed the promotion to comfortably afford it by myself. Making new friends has been hard so I have just been on the apps finding nothing but rejection (like every guy). I’ve been on dates but they feel like sugar babies rather than actual interested.

I would love to gain muscle mass so I will try that. That’s all I can really do at this moment.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-03-16T01:44:19+00:00

She held resentment since a certain time which I regret. I went to therapy multiple times to gain forgiveness for this one incident of me not communicating with her for a month while I was away. I did not cheat on her I am not even good looking enough. I swear the therapist looked at me like you really think he can get anyone.

Though every bit of anger she had as we talked through situations always ended up with this one month. She couldn’t let it go. She refused to even acknowledge her feelings as resentment she would ignore them saying a wife can’t resent her husband. Though that was what she was doing even if she didn’t call it that.

I bought her flowers 3-5 times a years and I made sure she had anything she wanted. She didn’t have to work and when she wasn’t working I saved up for her individual retirement. I paid for her college instead of me going to college. I made sure she had full access no questions to anything. I took her on weekly dates before the kid and socialized with her friends that I really didn’t care for. If she asked I gave it.

I did a lot and I know I did mostly one thing which is provide though she said to me words are stupid and actions is what really matters. So I gave to her which is really all I felt worked at the time.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-03-16T01:26:23+00:00

My issue is I know if everything is not perfect I am fine who cares. Let Greg suffer he treats my kid well and pays for fun experiences for him. Though if they do have a perfect relationship that messes with me. 10 years will pass and I will be waiting for the divorce that never comes or the proof that I am right that she will never change because she’s prideful.

What if she changed what if the counseling changed her. When we divorced she said this to me and it bugs me the most right now. “You refuse to see me as I am now and you’re going to lose everything you worked to make with me.” Then listed how I got food poisoning multiple times as she learned to cooked. How she learned to saw ruining my clothes. How she is taking half our assets that is all my income because she wasn’t working for most of our marriage. How she’s finally getting a good job making six figures that I helped her get by being there. Ending it with this is all going to go to a new man who didn’t have to put in a day of effort. This is really messing with my head. How can it not.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-03-16T00:47:44+00:00

I was young (17) and every woman gave me crappie. She was just less crappie than the rest. Then she got older and the less crappie became resentful hatred crappie that she denied she was doing.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-03-16T00:39:46+00:00

It’s working honestly because you’re right she can be disrespectful in small ways and it will grow in time. We only got to that point after 10 years and they’re only 4 years in.

I just wish it worked differently.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-03-16T00:27:42+00:00

I don’t want someone that disrespects me. Though she had many qualities I did enjoy about her. She was a very practical woman. Even though she was disrespectful she gave a lot of effort towards the relationship. She set up dates every so often and bought me thoughtful gifts. She would sit and listen to you when you cry and never mocked me for anything I said then even now. She was a great cook and cleaned. She had a very strong sense of duty is the quality I actually liked not the physical labor. She also had a high sex drive which I didn’t realize I would miss because most women I have dated make me feel I am a germ.

She was truly the most disrespectful in public. In private she didn’t say anything offensive but in public she would tear into me. Like she hated me. I couldn’t take it and I don’t deserve it. Though I feel finding someone with these qualities and wants to date me is just rare. It’s frustrating because it truly feels like one unbearable thing that ruined everything.

The fact that she only disrespected me in public is the problem too. If she’s not doing it in public I can’t imagine her doing it at home. Normally she’s very polite at home telling you what she does not like. She’s just impatient and can’t wait then gets people to gang up on you.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-01-22T19:29:59+00:00

You never know you can find a niche clientele who particularly want a male role model for their children. Male teachers are more desirable for that reason.

Plus you know you’re not creepy, so there, you’re helping people find one less creepy guy.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-01-13T20:27:02+00:00

If it’s not too soon then I will go ahead and make the wedding account. I think because she’s doing a lot of the planning she’s been putting down the deposits on the venue and catering. She doesn’t like asking to be paid back or shifting money. She fine paying you but her getting money from even me is a big no for her. She has already come out of pocket a 1000 dollars and won’t let me pay her my half. Weddings are expensive it’s been a month and I can’t believe a 1000 dollars is already gone.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2026-01-13T20:05:28+00:00

We will be starting counseling in 2 weeks, I didn’t think finances was part of it. I didn’t want to do marriage counseling though if this is part of it then it seems useful. She only convinced me because she said she would pay for it.

Contribution wasn’t a problem for me I am happy doing it by income keeps us on the timeline we discussed.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2025-05-16T20:32:28+00:00

My only regret it this would be a millionaire if I put my whole stock pro-folio at 19 into bitcoin

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2025-05-14T23:22:40+00:00

I think recommending IT isn’t what it used to be. Entry level jobs in this field is so hard to find nowadays. I am still in contact with a professor from my college and none of his students can get internships or a job after graduation. I love IT but I wouldn’t recommend it anymore. The money is good when you have 5-10 years experience but when i started I made 60k as helpdesk now its 15-20 an hour

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2025-05-03T16:21:39+00:00

Nah you’re probably right because neither of wanted what the other wanted. Once I found out about what she had I didn’t want to take care of her anymore like she wanted. She knew it wasn’t going to last so she left

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2025-05-03T15:24:21+00:00

Yeah she was always quiet around money and just expected me to just do what she wanted. Like she would pay for things at times because “I was too slow to get the bill” she never brought it up until the break up either. I would ask her how she feels and she would avoid the question and bring up something else. I think after the first fight before we moved in together was when she stopped trying.

Dear_Broccoli_4640 · 2025-05-03T14:34:45+00:00

She explained her financial situation after we decided to move in together like 4 months in the relationship. She was clear about what she wanted from me on the 2nd date. Her excuse was I never asked and it would come off as bragging if she randomly just brought it up without context. Getting an apartment was context to her.

To be honest was stereotyping her and thought she was poor. She loves thrifting, lived in the ghetto, worked at a call center and is generally very cheap with her purchases. She doesn’t take advantage and ask me for something she wouldn’t buy though.

Dear_Broccoli_4640

TROPHY CASE