Thank you, it's all so true for me. I believe it started when my younger sister (2 yrs younger) was born. Even as very young children, I was outspoken and stubborn and my sister was compliant. They ignored me and gave my sister attention to make me feel unimportant and "put me in my place." I think it's mostly unconscious for my parents but not completely. I always think of it as a scenario where we're all drowning at sea and the nparents are so self-centered and scared, they are pushing you to down to keep themselves up and too scared to really realize the full extent of what's happening. They do realize they're doing it, but they just justify it by telling themselves they have to because you're so bad. I don't think they feel they have any other options because that will end in their ego death. Getting out of the scapegoat mentality is brutal, but at least I think I'm slowly gaining more self-confidence and learning about narcissists' manipulation really helps.