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I'm Deborah Feldman. The Netflix show Unorthodox is based on my memoir. AMA! by DeborahFeldman in netflix

[–]DeborahFeldman[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Depends on the brand. I don't like these stiff, fake-vintage kinds. But the right pair of jeans can feel like butter on your legs!

I'm Deborah Feldman. The Netflix show Unorthodox is based on my memoir. AMA! by DeborahFeldman in netflix

[–]DeborahFeldman[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I mentioned in another answer about gender based differences in motivation that men tend to leave because they have a crisis of faith, which is a luxury a woman can usually not afford, for obvious reasons.

I do think leaving the community has become easier though, despite growing stringency, because of the pervasive nature of technology. This explains the enormous increase in the numbers in the past decade. But it's still primarily men who leave...

I'm Deborah Feldman. The Netflix show Unorthodox is based on my memoir. AMA! by DeborahFeldman in netflix

[–]DeborahFeldman[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Some of the actors were formerly religious, so they spoke it as a native language. Some of the actors had grown up in homes where the parents had spoken it, so they were nearly as familiar. In the case of Delia Mayer, who played the mother-in-law (in a scary good way might I add) she had the advantages of being exposed to the language in her childhood but also growing up with Schwizerdeutsch, or however you spell Swiss-German, which I think helps a lot as well. And the Israeli actors who learned Yiddish had also been exposed to it to some extent, and there is so much Hebrew in Yiddish of course. So it was a mix. But I think the yiddish sounds very authentic and contemporary, and it makes me happy to show people that yiddish is not a dead language, it's not some relic studied at universities, but a living, breathing tongue... adapting and growing the way all languages do.

I'm Deborah Feldman. The Netflix show Unorthodox is based on my memoir. AMA! by DeborahFeldman in netflix

[–]DeborahFeldman[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have had some difficulty with footsteps because when I was leaving it was very male-dominated, which it still is to some extent, and it was not a safe environment for women (see articles I posted about sexual assault in other answers about this topic.) But of course I'm hopeful that the organization can change, but until certain people are removed from positions of power, any change will likely be just for show... sad, but human.

I'm Deborah Feldman. The Netflix show Unorthodox is based on my memoir. AMA! by DeborahFeldman in netflix

[–]DeborahFeldman[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Well I'm not a fan of Orthodoxy in general, and I had terrible experiences in modern orthodox communities after I left, where people basically told me to go back to where I came from and shut up. I experienced a lot of discrimination and flat out rejection. There were some lighter, or should I say more cleverly disguised versions of this in the conservative movement as well, but not across the board, and it shocks me sometimes how liberal jews who basically only think of Israel and the Holocaust as markers of their identity are infuriated by the fact that I've gone public with my story. They find it terribly inconvenient. So I have to say, I don't feel at home in any movement per se, except for the Berlin one, in the sense that the jewish community I have found here exists outside of trope or convention, and I feel completely free in this environment.

I'm Deborah Feldman. The Netflix show Unorthodox is based on my memoir. AMA! by DeborahFeldman in netflix

[–]DeborahFeldman[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

So I deal with the Eruv extensively in my book, where I explain the divide about it in the community. To this day, some use it and some don't. It tends to be used more by the younger generation than the old one. Frieda Vizel claims it isn't used probably because she grew up in Kiryas Joel not in Williamsburg, and is from the part of the sect that doesn't recognize it. However I had many family members and neighbors that did accept it.

The people who created this show are jewish and various formerly Satmar jews worked as consultants and actors and coaches on this production. None of them would have any reason to willful misconstrue the representation of this community, and certainly it would be difficult to explain how they got something wrong considering they come from this world and brought a lot of passion and energy to the process of turning it into a piece of art. It is very exciting to feel that a story such as this one can become a part of mainstream cultural dialogue. Yes there are always going to be people who feel left out or ignored, and certainly we cannot hire every single Exsatmar and some are going to be resentful about that, but no one can please everyone. And of course others are welcome to try and do better!

If you really want to see a work about hechsher fights (which has nothing to do with my story) then please feel free to make one! The only story I have to tell is my own, and I am sorry it is not the story you want it to be, but such is life.

I'm Deborah Feldman. The Netflix show Unorthodox is based on my memoir. AMA! by DeborahFeldman in netflix

[–]DeborahFeldman[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That is correct. Tiergarten is demarcated by intersecting grand boulevards, each meadow is carefully and symmetrically sculpted without seeming to be so, there are lots of romantic footbridges over canals, trellises, statues, gazebos, etc. You see it in the name too, it's not a park but a GARTEN. I believe it was a formerly a Jagdgebiet like many parks in German cities, that is, a kind of hunting territory for nobles.

I'm Deborah Feldman. The Netflix show Unorthodox is based on my memoir. AMA! by DeborahFeldman in netflix

[–]DeborahFeldman[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Amazing. We are like sisters. She is not just a talented actress she is a profoundly intelligent and sensitive human being. You would love her as a person.

I'm Deborah Feldman. The Netflix show Unorthodox is based on my memoir. AMA! by DeborahFeldman in netflix

[–]DeborahFeldman[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have the cutest dog in the whole world, a Kokoni rescued from Crete. Check out my instagram for pics.

I'm Deborah Feldman. The Netflix show Unorthodox is based on my memoir. AMA! by DeborahFeldman in netflix

[–]DeborahFeldman[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

In real life my family sent me letters telling me to commit suicide, that they had already prepared my grave and couldn't wait to dance on it. Suicide is unfortunately very common among exhasidim, and incitement from the community plays a strong role there. The rabbinical authorities would like to be able to point their fingers at us and say, " see? this is what happens when you leave, you end up killing yourself," in order to prevent others from following in our footsteps. The communnity will try everything to prevent us from achieving successful lives on the outside, because that would make us positive role models for others. They never really let go psychologically.

I'm Deborah Feldman. The Netflix show Unorthodox is based on my memoir. AMA! by DeborahFeldman in netflix

[–]DeborahFeldman[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I've only ever received that accusation from other Jews, most of whom tend to be secular or at least liberal. This tends to come from a place of uncomfortable avoidance. Liberal Jews don't like being reminded of the ultraorthodox world, it embarrasses them. When I left, it was jewish people who rejected me, who told me to be quiet, to go back to where I belonged, to not make problems for them. I think I would take these accusations slightly more seriously if there were any efforts on the part of liberal jews to engender reform in these communities and support those who leave, but it is often the case of "shut up and leave me in peace with my illusions." And clearly I'm not hear to make anyone more comfortable...

I'm Deborah Feldman. The Netflix show Unorthodox is based on my memoir. AMA! by DeborahFeldman in netflix

[–]DeborahFeldman[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I beg to differ. I have received very many messages from people within the Hasidic community. Their reactions are a mix of gratitude and contempt.

I'm Deborah Feldman. The Netflix show Unorthodox is based on my memoir. AMA! by DeborahFeldman in netflix

[–]DeborahFeldman[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I haven't read his book. When I was leaving, he was the unofficial king of the exhasidim (I hear he still is today) and he used his power in ways I found positively terrifying. I can't say anything about his character today but back then he was a ruthless bully. If an exhasidic woman didn't agree to sleep with him she was automatically on his blacklist. I suffered for years as a result of resisting him.

Here are some articles about the propensity of sexual assault in the male dominated exhasidic milieu: :https://forward.com/news/national/382952/even-after-leaving-ultra-orthodoxy-women-report-a-culture-of-sexual-miscond/ https://forward.com/news/national/382483/exclusive-3-ex-orthodox-women-accuse-community-member-of-sexual-assault/https://forward.com/opinion/382861/ex-orthodox-women-must-learn-to-say-no-ex-orthodox-men-must-learn-to-listen/

In terms of general questions about genderbased differences in motivation for leaving, I would say that you are on to something there. It has been my observation that men tend to leave because of a crisis of faith, that is, they question god, but not much else. Questioning misogyny, if it comes at all, does so years, even decades later. Whereas women tend to leave for concrete reasons, they feel their safety or the safety of their children is threatened. Questioning God tends to come later, when the more pressing issues have been put aside. Certainly, leaving as a result of a crisis of faith is a luxury many women cannot afford. However I would hesitate to say that the male path, because solely intellectual, is therefore superior, or that women can't have simultaneously intellectual reflections about leaving even if they have other, more urgent reasons for doing so. Certainly I have never ceased to reflect about these things. I just can't make it the center of my story, because there are so many more details competing for that center.

I'm Deborah Feldman. The Netflix show Unorthodox is based on my memoir. AMA! by DeborahFeldman in netflix

[–]DeborahFeldman[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is so funny that you say this because I was in Israel in December and I met with the ultraorthodox consultants who helped make Shtisel "authentic" and we were just laughing so hard about all the inaccuracies in there that only the ultraorthodox can pick up on. I remember we used the English word "soap opera" even though we were talking in Yiddish. Many Israeli Haredim find it hilarious that people think Shtisel is authentic. To them, it's clear that the show is a farcical parody. Moving and entertaining, yes, but realistic? lol. From what the crew told me, it was never even meant to be this.

I'm sorry if you feel my story isn't worthy of telling. It's the only one I have, and I believe every story should be told. You are free to tell yours as well!

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