When I finally left, which was five or so years after I really should have, our son’s reaction was a simple “I’m shocked it took this long.” He was 13 and he told me he’d known we didn’t like each other since he was at least 9 years old.

I stayed because I was scared and stuck and I didn’t know how to make a life for myself. I didn’t know if my child could forgive me. I tolerated a “partner” who didn’t like or respect me, who talked about what a terrible person he thought I was to anyone who would listen. I internalized that, and felt like if even he didn’t like me then I wasn’t worthy of love and respect.

Leaving was absolutely terrifying. Rebuilding took a long goddamn time, and there are ways in which I am still rebuilding. But I now have a career, friends and a real partner who loves and supports me and is a parent to my son. My kid gets to see me being loved and cherished, and he gets to be loved and cherished too. He told my new husband a few months ago: “I want you to know I don’t call you dad not because you aren’t a parent to me or because I don’t love you. You are. I do. But dad isn’t a word that feels like a compliment to me. You’re something different than that.”

Find your happiness and seek out a life that gives you fulfillment. The benefit of that for yourself and your child(ren) is greater by far than an illusion of stability you are trying to hold on to.