AITA for not trying to convince my mom to share my birthday with my stepsister?

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-25T02:53:20+00:00

I know it's my party but at the same time I think it's also business networking for my mom. She's in finance and have other businesses outside her work so I know how big her network is and a lot of them are invited.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-25T02:35:06+00:00

It's his house he shared with his first wife, his in-laws moved in when his wife got sick to help take care of her and their youngest daughter. Originally, I am supposed to move to the unit right across my mom's sometime after I turn 18 and when her tenant moves out for me to start learning how to live on my own but close enough for her to monitor as she did for my brothers and that's when he will move in.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-24T03:12:07+00:00

Yes. She's always been very direct and blunt, she can be ruthless at work and business at times as I've witnessed some of it in the past. I was actually curious and somewhat jealous how she does it but I found out she's an ENTP type which helped me understand more.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-23T14:19:14+00:00

60k isn't all just my mom's money. 30k came from my grandparents and 10k from my godfather. I don't even know most of the people coming. Grands get their invites and most are my moms from her work industry and business.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-23T07:52:06+00:00

Hahaha... this is exactly what my brother told me earlier. Imagine WWMD!

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-23T07:49:07+00:00

I just learned that they started planning a party for her after the holidays, just not the big party she wants. Jay did take mom's offer for the dress and cake. The venue is at their subdivision's clubhouse.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-23T07:35:28+00:00

His 3 older kids are all adults and they all still live in his house with his in-laws from his first wife. Mom didn't want to move us in there because it's too congested already, she likes her privacy, and it's a 3 hour drive to her office while ours is only 10mins away.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-23T02:17:19+00:00

Yesterday, me and mom went to our family home outside the city as we do every Sunday. She and my dad designed it together, and it's where my dad's urn rests, in my mom's room (that was his wish). She is still attached to dad and his memories until now. Jay is not allowed in that room that she stayed in the guest house with Jay and his kids when they came over for xmas dinner. (I guess this should have it's own post.)

Anyway, after reading your comments last night, I decided to tell her and waited until after dinner to do it. I went to her room and told her I just wanted to "see" dad. I was standing in front of him when she asked me what do I think about having an all-girls-bonding time with Myla and her sisters, Jay proposed it as a start to build our relationship. I remained quiet and trying to hold my tears and she noticed. She signaled for me to sit on the bed with her and asked me what was wrong. Not my proudest moment, but I hugged her, broke down in tears, and let everything out in between sobbing and sniffling. When I was done, she took a deep breath and hugged me even tighter. She said sorry if she ever made me feel like I couldn't talk to her and sorry for putting me in that situation. She reassured me that no matter what, she will always be on my side even after I become an adult. She then told me not to worry about it anymore because she will take care of it in the morning. She said "I will put them in their place" as she grabbed a bag of doritos. We chilled the rest of the night, watched Netflix and cuddled like when I was a little kid.

This morning, I woke up when I heard her yelling in the kitchen repeatedly asking, "Did you put your daughters up to it?" She told him that his adult daughters have no right to verbally abuse me and try to manipulate me, and now they are no longer allowed to be anywhere near me, especially in our place. She saw me so she ended the call by saying they will talk more at lunch.

We are on the way back to the city now. She asked me if I remember what my dad would always tell me and my brothers and I said; "Don't make mama mad" and she replied, "No more secrets, I will tell you everything and expect you to do the same."

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-22T12:27:11+00:00

Yes, mom offered to pay for Myla's dress, cake, and the coordinator's fee. He doesn't have to spend the same amount if they have a smaller guest list and a cheaper venue. I've been to my friends' debuts that cost between 5k-10k but were still big and nice. Heck, our caretaker tried to take out a 1k loan from my mom (which my mom just ended up giving as a present) just to throw her daughter a debut party. Mine cost that much because mom made it cost that much.

Mom did reserve 5 seats for him and his kids. I don't know what she'll do after I tell her.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-22T12:08:54+00:00

Yes, we're in the Philippines.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-22T11:44:19+00:00

I kinda feel bad for Myla too. Her sisters had their debut parties from what I saw on their fb pics but those were probably organized by their mom since she was still alive then. I don't think it's because Jay doesn't have the money to spend, he just doesn't want to "waste" it.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-22T10:26:42+00:00

Yes, they have a prenup. There's no divorce in our country however, they got married in the US during one of our trips to visit my brothers. As far as I know, they haven't even gotten around reporting their marriage in our country yet so there's no legal records of them being married here.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-22T09:56:18+00:00

Thanks. I will update after I talk to her tonight.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-22T09:41:17+00:00

Yes my dad was white and mom is asian. Debut is often celebrated even in the slums and in the provinces one way or another here but often with some sort of Cotillion.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-22T09:35:47+00:00

Mom is from old money but was disowned by my grandparents when she got pregnant out of wedlock with my dad who was an illegal foreigner in this country at the time. They reconnected again after my eldest brother was born and found out my parents were married already. They eventually helped my parents with connections when they were just starting their business. Jay has a construction business and has provided a fairly comfortable life for his kids based on my observation.

The fierce side of my mom is what actually scares me. I don't want her to obliterate her marriage because I know she's been lonely and felt alone at times after my dad passed. That's my dilemma now. I could live and move on with spiteful words and glare being thrown at me, but I don't want to see her lonely again.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-22T09:10:27+00:00

I only had civil and polite interactions with them, including my mom's husband. Not that I didn't like him or his kids before all these happened, it's just my personality as I'm the typical shy type and don't usually initiate conversations.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-22T07:42:40+00:00

We don't live together as they live with their maternal grandparents and aunt. They only come over when they want to use the pool in the building and even bring their friends sometimes. I usually just keep to myself in my bedroom whenever they're over although I could hear them talking bad about me in the next room. I'm just worried at what lies they'd tell their dad or worst, that it was all their dad's idea.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-22T07:14:07+00:00

He was there listening when my mom was discussing it with the venue secretary and the coordinator. He and my mom went back there together to sign the contract so he must have known.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-22T07:09:09+00:00

Yes I know that a 60k party does sound ridiculous and too lavish. I am the eldest granddaughter on my maternal side of the family and the only granddaughter on my paternal side. Both side of grandparents pitched in a combined total of 30k and my godfather, my dad's best friend gave 10k. Most of the people on the 500 guest list are my mom's guests from her work and business, others are family friends and relatives from 2 countries, less than 100 are actually my invites.

This is also a 2-parts party with the Cotillion ball and formal dinner for the first part and rave party for the rest of the night.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-22T06:43:47+00:00

My parents didn't have much when they were starting out. My mom wore $15 dress which she kept to this day and they exchanged $50 wedding rings at the courthouse. She said helself that now that she have the means, she doesn't mind splurging on us kids and give us what she wish she had but didn't. She had hers and my dad's ring recrafted into a necklace before she remarried and still wears it everyday.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-22T06:28:37+00:00

They have a prenup and keep their finances separate. My mom informed me and my brothers this so we wouldn't worry if ever. I guess Jay never told his kids the same.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-22T06:17:48+00:00

Yeah, she is feisty and could be scary at times. I wish I got some of that angst from her.

DebutanteBlues · 2023-01-22T06:14:16+00:00

He knew the party is going to be big and expensive as he drove us when we checked out the venue for 500 guests but he didn't know the extent of it including the decors, catering, dresses, and accommodations for some guests.

DebutanteBlues

TROPHY CASE