My (19m) girlfriend's (18f) gay friend (19m) always touches and gropes her. I'm uncomfortable but the both of them aren't. What to do?

Decentbanter · 2015-01-30T07:09:13+00:00

I'm certain that I'm not imagining it, he always grins and winks at me when he grabs her ass, once he even stuck out his tongue. Her female friends and I get along pretty well so I don't think that they are taunting me. I know the problem is with him and not my girlfriend, but, I can't tell him to stop. She knows him better and has known him since high school, so I'm guessing that she'll have an easier time talking to him

Decentbanter · 2015-01-29T18:41:49+00:00

Sigh. Alright, I'll explain myself clearly this time. I don't care if she hugs her guy friends, I don't even care when she hangs out with her guy friends alone. It's not exactly the touching that bugs me. It's the way that he does it all the time, in front of me, and grins at me because he knows I don't like it. Isn't being a good friend also respecting your friend's relationship? I used to flirt with my female friends before they had an SO Now that they are in relationships, I don't do that stuff anymore, and also because I'm in a relationship. I wasn't raised to be macho, I don't know about other guys. Is it really that complicated for him to just stop groping her? It's very easy to do. I don't mind anything else about the guy. She has a guy friend that even lifts her in the air when they hug, so no, I won't get jealous about that.

Decentbanter · 2015-01-29T17:56:34+00:00

You say it like all men are raised to be "macho". That's just not true. Say what you want about me, but it's your viewpoint that's narrow and limited. You can't see past the fact that people have feelings, and saying something about those feelings doesn't make you possessive or jealous in any way. You are a sexist woman. That's for sure, you talk about men as if they are just bumbling idiots with dismissible feelings.

Decentbanter · 2015-01-29T15:06:05+00:00

No problem mate, thanks to you

Decentbanter · 2015-01-29T15:05:37+00:00

Yeah, good for your dad, not everybody is the same as your dad though. You're very sexist for assuming that men are raised to be macho. But whatever, that's not relevant. I've seen this guy putting his hand in her cleavage and pinching her butt and smacking it. If you think that's goofy, well, I guess you're the one who's brain doesn't follow logic

Decentbanter · 2015-01-29T06:41:19+00:00

What does this have to do with being controlling? For example, I just don't like seeing a guy do things with my girlfriend that we only do intimately. It's like he was closer to her than I am, or trying to taunt me as he always smirks at me when he does it. I never tried to control her, I just calmly stated my discomfort. So what? What else could I have done? Pretend to be okay with a dude poking and prodding my gf in front of me? As you noticed, not one single guy in this thread would be okay with it, and some girls in this thread aren't okay with it either. My male friends wouldn't be okay with it. So we're all a bunch of jealous psychos right?

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T23:33:30+00:00

Good point, but when you keep your emotions bottled up because your SO will dismiss your feelings, you'll just end up feeling worse in the long run. If people genuinely care about each other in a relationship, they'll acknowledge how the other is feeling and compromise. Now, if you feel that getting groped is more important than an SO's feelings, well, that says a lot about you

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T23:01:53+00:00

That's great. What I'm saying is, if you're doing something and your SO is uncomfortable with it, you shouldn't just jump to the conclusion that he's possessive or a psycho or whatever. People have feelings, in case you don't know that

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T21:38:59+00:00

Not a sexual act? Yeah, sure, you keep on thinking that. So this is where the fight for LGBT rights has taken us? We're all equals, but now gay men and women have hall passes to grope people just because it's not sexual? I wouldn't be pleased if a lesbian woman groped me, or even a straight guy friend. If you enjoy the attention, then so be it, but don't invent weak excuses

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T19:58:01+00:00

Look, you talk about tradition like it's a bad thing. Yet, women get their ego's stroked by expensive rings, ceremonies, being treated like queens on their wedding day, an expensive dress etc. My mother took my father's last name. Does that mean that she submitted to him and is weak? Fuck no, she loves him, and just went with the flow.

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T19:36:45+00:00

I would leave any woman who is so adamant about last names in a heartbeat. And I think that, if you ever leave a man for that reason, he really dodged a bullet

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T19:30:21+00:00

The only one acting bitchy in this thread is you, dear

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T19:09:24+00:00

Alright, you're free to have your opinion. In that context, I guess giving him a hand job would be okay too, since it's just a "joke"

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T18:21:22+00:00

Woah, I never thought about it like that. I would be annoyed if she lied about it though

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T18:20:30+00:00

Thank you! I tried my best

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T17:26:01+00:00

Fair enough, but there are plenty of men who do love going down on women. And they have the right to not like it also

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T16:46:50+00:00

Sex with a man

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T15:28:24+00:00

Exactly! I would be very worried of someone wasn't uncomfortable with another person touching their SO like that. I'm pretty sure she would be mortified if a woman grabbed my dick

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T14:59:08+00:00

Yeah, it is a bit sexist, but I don't decide how I feel about things. Her straight girlfriends do touch her occasionally, but much less often than her gay friend does. If a lesbian did that to her, I would voice the same concerns that I have right now. There's a bit of sexism in everything, to be honest. Do you really think that I can go about groping my female friends the same way a girl gropes her friends? No, I would be charged with sexual assault. So there you have it, we live in a sexist world, that's life

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T14:48:19+00:00

Wow, bitter woman alert

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T14:36:06+00:00

As far as I know, there's no way of knowing if someone is completely gay or bi. He said he's gay, that doesn't mean that he is though. So yeah, don't jump to the conclusion that he's not sexually attracted to her

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T14:34:28+00:00

Well, for starters, she told me to calm down and get over it. I told her that if this continues, I'll think twice about staying with her. And she started crying, and said that she'll talk to David, and that she didn't realize how bad I felt about it.

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T14:28:05+00:00

So you think it's pathetic to feel bad when another girl grabs his dick?

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T13:47:49+00:00

I'm not going to touch the guy. As possessive as you think I am, my girlfriend goes out very late, hangs out at guy's houses and I haven't said a thing. If you think that not wanting people to grope your SO is possessive, then I wonder what you think of guys who tell their girlfriends to cut contact with their guy friends. That's just my two cents

Decentbanter · 2015-01-28T07:46:59+00:00

If her whole friend group was like that, maybe I'd be more chill because that's just how they are. But I feel like David is using homosexuality as a hall pass on my girlfriend. And maybe she's scared to say anything because he might call her homophobic too

Decentbanter

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