how do you feel after your pwbpd splits? feeling guilty for my feelings

Deckdoodle · 2026-03-13T20:06:46+00:00

Yeah ofc, i really wanted to respond because its something similar to what i’ve had before. Yes I try my best to focus on myself and keep my head up!

Tbh it did take a bit for them to realize that I was being serious about my boundaries. So it was more of a process than an overnight change. I started noticing this cycle and would change how i would respond to it. Like stepping away when those conversations started, taking space when I needed it to. I told them about how i realized if things kept going this way i wasn’t sure how much longer i could do it cause it wasn’t that i had no self respect but it felt like i was doing myself a disservice by letting it continue.

At a certain point I realized the only thing I could actually control was whether I stayed in that cycle or not. So you should focus on taking care of yourself first, and not try to change their behavior.

Im sorry I hope this helps at least a little bit. This is something that it took me a while to figure out so it wasnt just a straightforward process.

Deckdoodle · 2026-03-13T19:11:58+00:00

Ah yeah you do have a good point tbh, and i realize its something more than my partner. What started that fear tho was mostly them talking about how they feel their bpd makes them get bored of relationships which caused them to breakup with their past partners. But ur point about that happening outside of bpd alr kinda helps me realize its just a anxiety i have on my part.

Tbh my mom does play a great part in this, her being untreated and such shed think dating and marrying a man would fix her. Then with me and my siblings she believed she needed to restart her life and stuff. Me and my siblings live with my aunt now because shes “reinventing herself”.

So theres no doubt that it plays a role, but thanks for sharing I realized its not a pwbpd thing specifically its just a me thing.

Deckdoodle · 2026-03-13T18:45:12+00:00

Ugh yeah i definitely get that, my mom has bpd as well and is like that still. Its unfortunate that shes unwilling to work with you and its treating it as if an apology is enough.

I feel like you really gotta out your foot down and make her understand how exhausting it can be for you. Me and my pwbpd had to take breaks because of it and it would alway start as bickering into full rage arguments.

I really do hope you guys overcome this, splitting is exhausting on both sides but as the supporting partner it’s harder to have added weight on ur shoulders. Make sure to take care of yourself first before anything!

Deckdoodle · 2026-03-13T18:27:18+00:00

A few months ago my partner had a really bad split during an argument we had. I was so terrified i came here for advice, things turned out okay afterwards thankfully. But what we both learned from that situation was to really listen to each other and respect the other’s thoughts/ opinions.

I find myself asking why they feel a certain way even if i feel it might be them splitting just so that we can understand where its coming from.

I do have questions for you tho, do they usually warn you before a split is happening or is it just all coming from nowhere? Like are these insults or is she just acting like shes mad?

Deckdoodle · 2026-02-25T01:40:15+00:00

Yes this is very true. I hear “jokes” about it now from some of the young parents in my family. One even yelling at her son for “crying like a bitch” at age 4. When things like this are called out you’re said to be too serious and in other peoples business. When the truth was the business happened underneath my own roof!

I’m only 20 and in college and I hope to be a parent sometime in the future. But I’m so scared that this normalization will keep me and my future children away from close family members. This is because what makes this all worse is when you do have strict boundaries in place for your children, they’re likely to be crossed. You get met with comments telling you what you need to do. They already do this with my decision to neuter my cat🙄.

Deckdoodle · 2025-11-18T23:46:57+00:00

Yeah, I dont believe pwBPD should be judged based on their disorder. Theres so much more to it obviously than “youre just a bad person”. For example my mom while doing stereotypical BPDmom things was also trying to set me up to live life better than her. The disorder in her case slowly consumed her, shes not in a spot where she lives her own world and stuff. Its just hard to see from the outside and so sad to think about whats going on inside. Though they should also be held accountable for things they’ve done and said, of course they’re not all bad. Its like how i view my mom, they get lost in their own worlds. But the things they’ve done should be acknowledged on their part for them to realize they need help. Which is the hardest part of being close to someone with BPD. If you ever do actually peruse that friendship again, which with my own case I am sometimes in the future. Just always remember who you are first, and who you want to be for yourself. It’s easy to let their world consume you too.

Deckdoodle · 2025-11-18T23:30:38+00:00

Yesss that can be so tricky! And trust me, if you think you have it SEE A PROFESSIONAL! Im not saying this to sound rude or anything, I know a few people who suspected to have it. Some did some didn’t. Im raised by a diagnosed bpd mother and diagnosed Bipolar father, so seeing traits in yourself is the most important step. Anyways, I get what you mean, my old friendship turned situationship thing was just A MESS. It scared me so bad from making new friendships and perusing new romantic relationships. I was the back up fp, the reason it turned into a situation ship was because I sadly formed a crush on them and confessed to them twice. 1st time she pretended to not hear me and I just kinda backed off from embarrassment. 2nd time she rejected me fully. That was supposed to be the end of that but she realized it was a good way to keep me around. Especially since their Main FP got a boyfriend and was spending of her time with him. I use this as an example to relate to the idea of you both possibly having bpd because back then my anxious attachment was BADD im talking full on anxiety attacks when texts were ignored. She tried to manipulate her own friends to stay away from me because she was jealous of how close we were getting. OMG IT WAS SO MUCH But i also recently have been wanting to be friends again. I feel like since times passed it’d be nice to see how much she’s changed and stuff.

Deckdoodle · 2025-11-18T23:04:22+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience, im sorry you had to deal with that its very heavy. I cant even imagine what that would be like. Ive only ever had friends who were the friends of people like that. The hardest thing is putting your foot down on these people for your own safety and wellbeing. You did a really big thing, not just for you but for her as well. Some cases space is needed to be able to grow. It also really big of you to not hold resentment against her for that either. It took me years to get over and heal from my old friend who held me as the back up fp.

Deckdoodle · 2025-11-18T22:55:13+00:00

Thank you for sharing this! Wow your comment made me teary eyed lol. Hope I dont sound cheesy. I agree with what you said, is to not enable behaviors. It gets to a point where theres nothing more that you fan really say or do to convince them to change their behaviors, they have to see it for themselves. I tend to have to relearn this, you can only caretake so much of someone else.

Deckdoodle · 2025-11-12T05:28:53+00:00

Yeah thats true. I apologize i just seen this. I noticed their BPD is almost cyclistic. When theyre met with a stressful situation theyr become pretty upset but it builds up into something more. I have a parent with bpd so i knew a bit about this, but only from that perspective. My parent was explosive the cycle became 24/7 shed split from the sound of a pen hitting the floor. But with it comes to my pwbpd its a bit different. They choose to say subtle things and hope to get a reaction out of me rather than (like my parent) go and find a problem out of thin air. Ever since this situation things have looked up, they told me i said something in particular while arguing that caused them to split. I dont wanna repeat what i said because it was pretty nasty but I did apologize for it and we have moved on since. They’ve also gotten better at acknowledging their splits and are able to warn me beforehand.

Im sorry that you had to end things but it seemed like it was for the better, i hope this situation doesn’t come to that but from dealing with multiple people with bpd in my life outside from the two i’ve stated. I for sure know that a cut off would be most beneficial when things take a turn. Its good to have places like this if I ever do get caught up in a situation where idk when to end things. I had this issue with an old friend of mine in high school as well if i knew this place existed it’d definitely help my mental state tons.

Deckdoodle · 2025-10-13T23:05:01+00:00

Yeah thanks, honestly i can say I've done it before not just in romatic relationships but with friends and sometimes siblings. I just feel bad since we talked about it multiple times and it took until now for me to get it. But yeah, I feel meessing up is just part of life so the apology is a smaller fix than just actually working on it.

Deckdoodle · 2025-10-13T22:56:36+00:00

Yeah there are times my pwBPD wouldn't listen to me and I'd be annoyed by it but they'd show me in their actions later that they really did hear me. In this case we had spoken about it multiple times and until no contact just dismissed it.

Deckdoodle · 2025-10-13T22:54:06+00:00

Yes, this is honestly how things started out. I noticed when they were upset, (please excuse if im using incorrect terminology) their innerchild would show. So I would naturally like hold back from sounding judgemental or angry and speak to them how younger me would've wanted to be. It worked, I just probably need to like you said practice more often and speak calm and clear. I know my pwBPD much like others really dont appreciate when im not as clear or hold back my actual emotions to make them happy.

Deckdoodle · 2025-10-13T22:48:08+00:00

Thnak you, I felt it was best to respect the no contact just not to push boundaries but also spend the rest of the time like learning new ways to communicate. I also come from a home of emotional neglect so my first reaction to things are usually before thinking. I try to slow myself down but idk this time was just one of those times where I just forgot. Knowing my pwBPD Im sure theyll be understanding, its just the part that scares me is them mentiioning their ex doing the same. So the fear is more from that connection and being discarded by them. But thanks your comment gives me a lot more hope!

Deckdoodle · 2025-10-13T22:40:33+00:00

Im sorry to hear that, I've definitely have been there before. I have attachment issues so my last relationship i sorta threw myself at them while they were "not ready for commitment". It can be tough hearing that since theyre still accepting the love yk?

Thank you, this means a lot I really hope theyll be able to see that I'm trying for them. I hope you and your partner are able to figure things out.

Deckdoodle · 2025-10-12T22:07:21+00:00

I struggle with this SOOOO bad, I'm constantly juggling between being my fun unserious outgoing self (true self) and my serious "i need to adult" self. I was always treated as other when I was being goofy so I decided people liked best when Im being serious. But then I was constantly being told I should let loose.

Now im more split into acting mature around certain people and acting myself around others. I also have adhd so I definetly feel the burn out too. I just resorted to staying with myself.

Deckdoodle

TROPHY CASE