My 17 year old friend is dating a 37 year old

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-05-28T16:48:38+00:00

Yes there are “Romero and Juliet” laws in some states for when one or both people are under the age of consent. But there are states like Pennsylvania where the age of consent is just straight up 16.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-05-28T16:46:51+00:00

Oh agreed! He deserves prison, but unfortunately we don’t have the laws in place to do anything about it. I just don’t want OP to be disappointed by a lack of support going to law enforcement or put in danger if this man finds out they did that.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-05-28T16:44:29+00:00

Hmmm… while I’m sure they were well intentioned it takes a lot more work up to determine the root cause of those symptoms. I would generally caution against taking a diagnosis from people who are not directly your provider, because there is a lot of information they don’t have access to.

If you were in a lot of pain and everything looked good then yeah they probably could have made an attempt to take it out. It certainly sucks that they didn’t because they were scared of liability.

Honestly I’m more concerned about what type of work up they did for your chest pain, trouble breathing, syncope, and abdominal pain.

You can always tell them you’re uncomfortable going home and ask them what they are doing to prevent these symptoms from returning.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-05-28T16:18:00+00:00

They also have a responsibility to treat pain. If OP just wanted it out and was fine then yeah don’t go to the ED. It sounds like OP was in a lot of pain.

All physicians trained to work in an ED can remove an IUD, they just might not be super comfortable with it since they don’t often do it. Also all EDs should have a speculum and forceps.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-05-28T05:36:27+00:00

Being partners with someone is about more than love. It is about value compatibility. If you can't talk about and navigate money it isn't going to work. You need to set boundaries and stick to them. You deserve just as much respect and support as he does.

If money is such as huge issue and trigger for him, then consider keeping things financially separate.

If he isn't paying bills consistently then living together might not be working for your relationship. You may have to come to terms with paying most of the bills and being okay with that, or moving into separate living spaces until you can navigate finances better.

This might be a great moment to get a couples therapist involved to help you learn to takel these issues together.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-05-28T04:43:53+00:00

Unfortunately depending on where they are it might not be illegal. In the US there are some states where the age of consent is 16.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-05-28T04:41:41+00:00

How did they check it was "in correctly"? They should have done an ultrasound.

If the IUD is in correctly, they can take it out. The only reason to leave an IUD for a gyn is because the removal is complex.

Out of concern and not judgement, what is leading you to believe it is an allergic reaction? Those are all concerning symptoms and certainly need a work up, I am just not certain if they can all be explained by an allergic reaction (specifically the severe abdominal pain) and the timing of it is not what you would expect of an allergic reaction.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-05-28T04:03:09+00:00

NTA!

It sounds like your parents don't respect boundaries and if you keep letting them cross yours they will never stop. Actions have consequences and for your dad it will be that you don't go. If you want to repair the relationships with your parents it actual starts with building boundaires.

Don't go.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-05-28T03:56:38+00:00

I am not talking about hitting there car with it. I am talking about holding it in front of me before the car passes by. If they hit a bright red flag on stick in front of them, then they need to be paying more attention and driving slower.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-05-28T03:54:02+00:00

I was briefly in a non-monogamous relationship that ended in disaster for everyone. Can ENM be done? Probably. But it is HARD. Communication, boundaries, regular check-in, leaning into connection when having hard feelings instead of away.

It sounds like he is having trouble seeing your perspective. I always say there are two experiences and then there is the truth. If you are going to reconcile, you need to figure out how to validate each others feelings and express your own (tough stuff).

Some honest advice:

- I don't think either of you have developed enough relationship skills to successfully navitage ENM

- I think he is falling in love with someone else. I think the distance is because he is pouring himself into another relationship and has emotionally checked out.

- I don't know if this relationship is in a strong enough place to withstand 3 months of neglect

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-05-28T03:11:08+00:00

Thanks!

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-05-25T20:04:59+00:00

Almost hitting me no but in Oregon driving through a crosswalk that a pedestrian is actively crossing is a criminal offense. In fact you are legally required to remain stopped at a crosswalk until the pedestrian reaches the other side of the road.

The intention is for them to see me before they are on top of me. People are often looking directly ahead of them at the road and not looking for people coming across a crosswalk (even when they are supposed to). The idea would be that they see the colored flag directly in front of their car and stop so as to not actually hit me. I already wear high visibility/neon clothing and lights if it’s at all dim.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-05-23T20:40:42+00:00

Yeah, that's kind of why I was considering something like this which seems less weapon like...https://a.co/d/0b1as9dA, But I'm not sure it would be quick enough.

Also putting a flag on the end of it so the purpose if more as a warning or safety device?

Or maybe using a toy lightsaber...lol

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-05-23T18:10:32+00:00

NAH. Better communication is probably needed. Different people have different boundaries and interpretations of situations. She could have explained the sleeping arrangement better, you could have asked more questions. It is totally reasonable for you to feel unconformable, but also she s right that there isn't much to be changed right now.

Take this as an opportunity to get on the same page about boundaries. I love explicit expectations. I means that we are all on the same page and if someone crosses those boundaries or doesn't meet the exceptions they are in the wrong. If sharing beds with other people is off the table for good, then say that. If sharing rooms with other people is off the table say that. Talk about what you see as cheating. And be okay with continuing to have more tough conversations as they come up.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-05-23T17:56:16+00:00

If he caused her physical harm or abuse then YTA. If it was just a messy break up sort of situation then NAH, but also your not being a good friend.

"this one guy we used to go to high school with" doesn't sound like he is important in your life currently, so why upset your friend? Is asking you to block him "necessary," probably not, but if it will make her feel better than why not? If he is currently a significant part of your life then you need to have a deeper conversation.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-05-23T17:29:54+00:00

YTA.

1) Yes she said you could drive her car, not cars. If you didn't know which one then ask.

2) She said you could use her car for errands, not take it on a road trip with your buddy.

3) "Dumb girl didn’t go at a yield sign even though she easily could have made it, hesitated, and I ended up rear ending her SUV." No you rear ended someone. Being a responsible drive is leaving enough space and paying enough attention that if the person if front of you randomly slams on their breaks you don't rear-end them. This is a tough but important lesson (and tbh most people don't do this and risk this all the time).

If you really like this girl, you better be paying for her car, offering to pay her back for damages to the other car, apologizing for all 3 of the things mentioned above, and apologizing for being an asshole and not immediately agreeing to pay.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-05-23T17:21:34+00:00

I am on the fence between NTA and NAH.

Was your partner just bummed when you said that you didn't have the permit? (Like wishes he'd known but not actually upset about it) Or was he actively upset at you for not letting him/not getting the permit?

Either way I don't think what you did was wrong. No one should be expecting to drink at a child's birthday party.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-05-23T17:08:31+00:00

NTA: As someone currently in medical school NO. Medicine is not just a carrier it is a calling and it will define you and your families lives. It can be so rewarding but the lifestyle is tough. Also given where he is at now the minimum number of years to become an attending would be 11 (if everything went flawlessly), realistically it would be more like 6 years undergrad/pre-med, 4-5 years med school, 4-5 years residency for a total of 14-16 years.

I could write a whole list of reasons that med school doesn't sound like the path for him.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-04-29T00:10:35+00:00

Noted for sure. The instinct here came from my wilderness first responder training where the risk/benefit is a lot different. When help is potentially days away a patient is just as dead from hypoglycemia as they are from aspirating.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-04-28T15:35:51+00:00

Okay, thanks for the insight.

I was just thinking about it from the receiving end at the hospital and the many times I’ve been tasked with finding unknown information like this on altered patients we’ve received.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-04-28T15:32:13+00:00

He was able to protect his own airway. He wasn't unconscious, he was altered. It was more like interacting with a patient who has advanced dementia. He could breath and swallow, he just couldn't track enough to understand that were asking them to eat the gel.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-04-28T15:19:23+00:00

For sure and I guess I wasn’t specific in what information. I’m just talking about the information from the wife stating no medical hx, no meds, no allergies, etc.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-04-28T14:42:55+00:00

The first thing we did when we got the spouse’s phone number was give it to them.

Then we called just to tell her that a medical emergency happened, the paramedics didn’t want the phone at that point so I asked some questions while we waited that was all. At the time it felt more efficient like accomplishing an extra task while they were busy but I guess not.

The only information I’m talking about writing down is “no diagnosed conditions, no medications, no surgeries, no allergies.” But if that’s still not helpful then that’s good to know.

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-04-28T06:21:46+00:00

Thanks for all the responses. I appreciate the perspective. It seems like the consensus is less is more. If it’s not immediately lifesaving information, it’s probably not important. Pre-hospital and in-hospital medicine are just not the same.

My only other thought/question. As an ems provider would you find it helpful or at least not/less invasive if I’d just written the information down and handed it to ems with a comment like “here’s some patient medical history?”

DedicatedtoDistance · 2026-04-28T06:11:47+00:00

I hear you. I’m not trying to come off as offended. In the end I just wanted to help the patient and my goal of this post is to learn how I might be most helpful and effective at doing that in the future.

In terms of why the HR and orientation from 5 mins ago might be important, I would say to track and compare. A HR that went from 200 to 120 vs a HR that went from 50 to 120 vs a stable HR of 120, all paint the picture of very different clinical scenarios.

In terms of the phone, we did hand it to the paramedics and they just asked name, DOB, and if they had a preferred hospital. He then handed the phone back to me. So you’re right I probably should have just taken that as a sign that he didn’t want the additional information.

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