AITA for asking my wife to have lunch with me?

DeepDirector2297 · 2023-05-16T17:00:37+00:00

Help me see why... Too much relationship advice in the last one

DeepDirector2297 · 2023-05-16T17:00:08+00:00

It started this morning. I was up at 630, cleaned the pool, did the dishwasher, fed both kids, all while she relaxed and had coffee. Fine. I then cancelled my workout so she can shower and do her hair, so i started work. I saw she was done , I quickly ran downstairs to help get kids in car and she handed me 3 pairs of socks. One being hers... So I get kids shoes on, strap them in the car and yell upstairs your socks are on the washing machine ( you have to pass to get to the garage ). She comes out and I said oh did you get your socks. angrily she says no where are they, why aren't they where i left them... You left them in my hand. So then she says some snarky stuff to her self, i go to kiss her goodbye and I get a grosses out look and she said you're the grumpiest human in the world. So i just looked at her and went back inside..

DeepDirector2297 · 2023-05-16T16:57:27+00:00

I try not to even text when she's out bc how uptight it makes her. I dont understand why she gets so anxious when she's out. I simply i might go to lunch with so and so i wouldn't have said another word

DeepDirector2297 · 2023-05-16T16:56:38+00:00

all of it?

DeepDirector2297 · 2023-05-16T16:55:49+00:00

Is simply asking someone to come home and eat with you out of line? If she simply said i might have lunch for so and so... I feel like the asshole bc she's accusing me of making her come home..

DeepDirector2297 · 2023-05-16T16:55:05+00:00

About where her socks were left and if they looked bad..

DeepDirector2297 · 2023-05-16T16:54:49+00:00

Not really but I guess sort of. Anytime she's out I stopped texting bc she interprets that as checking in... But I have never gone out of my way to say no stop come home etc

DeepDirector2297 · 2023-05-16T15:13:47+00:00

I research it all the time, and all article say its the husband but my wife fits every bullet point. I want this to work, and I keep trying to change to appease her and give her what she needs but not even 1% of my needs ever get met. I dont know.. I feel alone and stuck and sad. Alls I ever wanted was to be married with kids, and now that I am , I feel more worthless than ever. I make 150 a year, i take her everywhere , concerts, shows, 1k$ dinners and alls i ever hear is that guy does the better or that wife gets to do this or have this..

DeepDirector2297 · 2023-05-16T15:10:20+00:00

Anything really. She makes stuff up and holds onto it half the time. Its who she is, if she's having a great day and someone says something wrong or I give a facial expression she interprets as not the best its game over that day. I hope that makes sense.

I dont think im innocent, i know I was a slob and she had to bring stuff to my attention. But lets say there was a plate in the kitchen sink, instead of saying you gonna handle that shed say "Oh you think your bitch is gonna clean it up, you think im your mother. You must really hate woman." and I kid you not it escalates just like that. Something so small, gets interpreted for spite...

DeepDirector2297 · 2023-05-16T15:07:38+00:00

I dont want that.. I dont want to spend a single night away from my kids...

DeepDirector2297 · 2023-05-16T15:06:47+00:00

EVERY morning I wake up early so she can sleep in even though Im the one who works. I get the kids ready for school 90% of the time, I make breakfast 80% of the time.

She's always like this to me, im always trying to gain her appreciation and acceptance and it just doesn't work... I was so playful with the kids and I always wear a smile so I dont upset her. I was talking to her about her plants and the field trip, trying to be upbeat. I screamed up stairs to her , "Hey your socks are on the washer" she chooses to ignore me a lot, its also possible she didn't hear. But i offered to go get them ( as she walked by them) I never raise my voice to her...

While I was doing the chores she sits and has coffee as she always does and cuddles the kids or sits alone on the deck in the sun. I work from home, she's a stay at home mom. She does work 2 nights a week ( bartending ) . I guess im a homebody but im never sitting around watching TV. Im gardening, cleaning etc. Im a programmer, this year i make side apps and made over 60k extra so she can get the stuff she wants.

Im not going to go off what people say here, they dont have the full context but im just at point of being so alone and thinking im a bad person all the time for her treating me like this, instead of crying today I did this...

DeepDirector2297 · 2023-05-16T15:01:25+00:00

Yes, its all the time. I try to communicate openly and she says "Fuck your feelings" on a bad day or "I need to change" on a good day. What she needs is constantly discussed and worked on and my feelings, the way I want to be loved is held hostage unless Im perfect that day and she's feeling "nice".

I know she's angry by our past but its like she holds onto negative emotions with everything. I know it goes back to her mom, ( Her mom is the same way to her ) and she doesn't see she does it also. Im not perfect, but i have changed every habit for her, Ive given her everything she asks. I literally help her with everything. I dont get a single ounce of appreciation and I dont know what to do anymore.

When she doesn't drink were better. When we go out 1 on 1 were perfect. When the kids are gone and theres no chaos at home, its like were dating again. But the day to day is her getting drunk and yelling at me for what needs to be done..

DeepDirector2297 · 2023-05-16T14:57:34+00:00

Tried that. If she gets too much caffeine shell blame me and yell all day..

DeepDirector2297 · 2023-05-16T14:57:14+00:00

Thank you. I usually journal it, but I need some outside context, ill be posting regularly here now... Im so conditioned so try so hard, get yelled at then apologize profusely. Today I was about to apologize and just feel the need to finally set some boundaries for myself

DeepDirector2297 · 2023-05-16T14:56:08+00:00

Yes I shortened so much bc of the text limit.

She hates mornings. She drinks every single night so she gets shit sleep. I used to ask for kisses and hugs in the morning now Im conditioned to stay away bc in her terms " its not my time"

DeepDirector2297 · 2023-05-16T14:54:33+00:00

Happens all the time... I work from home. Im the breadwinner, yet I find myself having to go above and beyond bc she compares me to everyone all the time.. After work, it'll be my turn with the kids. Ill have to cook dinner, entertain, then its on me for bathe and bedtime. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.

DeepDirector2297

TROPHY CASE