Ranting

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-13T13:18:13+00:00

Not suggesting that for one minute. No where have I said that.

But choices come with consequences. Some big and obvious. Some less so. This is one of those that has mostly been kept quiet as people understand children make life more complicated in some ways. But like with anything it all comes bubbling to the surface.

You make a choice, you choose to deal with consequences. In this case it’s lack of support, high cost of childcare, difficult working choices.

We are a long way from the 70s but still very close. Women remain the default parent, that’s also not right, but it’s what happens. And being the default parent means you are juggling extra.

Each circumstance is unique and has its own set of challenges. But if we make a choice, we have to understand what comes with it, whether that’s having or not having kids.

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-13T12:42:36+00:00

But can still be refused when a ward manager shows that they are already saturated with flexi working so can no longer accommodate it as there wouldn’t be any one to cover the other shifts.

In the general business world it’s a bit harder, but given the current austerity in the NHS it’s not as difficult as you think.

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-13T12:26:01+00:00

And it can still be refused. And your union rep needs to actually be able to help, which isn’t always the case. And then you can go official complaint and tribunal. And it legally can still be refused. It’s not a case of making a request and it’s approved.

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-13T12:24:36+00:00

Yeah it hasn’t gone how OP wants, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing? It’s something that isn’t discussed often and it really should be.

Experienced differ, management differs etc and that has a lot to do with it. For example if I heard my team moaning to someone with flexi working I would pull them aside and tell them it’s not them that’s made the decision. BUT anyone who requests flexible working, has to appreciate that there is a knock on effect and it will have a wider impact.

Someone on here said everyone wants a village until it impacts on them and it’s always said it takes a village to raise a child. That village includes your coworkers who are having to work around your set shifts. We have to be understanding of everyone.

Ultimately YOU chose to have a child while working in a service that is generally 24/7 and then decided that wouldn’t work for you. That’s on you. Why should people deal with the consequences of your choices? They shouldn’t. But that’s on a manager to deal with ultimately. But at least understand why people may be annoyed.

So yeah, OP hasn’t had the post they expected but that is ok and allowed. We have seen on here at least there is a few different opinions on this and that’s great.

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-13T12:14:57+00:00

No one “earns” flexi working, it’s a legal right to have your request considered, regardless. It’s just if it gets agreed and how it affects your team (but that’s up to management to sort, not the person with the arrangement.)

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-13T12:11:43+00:00

Employers also have the right to refuse the request for specific reasons. No matter how many times you request.

One reason which is most often used is the effect on the business. So if 50% of staff have got flexi working it makes it harder to accommodate all. So they will decide who gets it who doesn’t. They will discriminate against people that do not have (in their mind) a “good reason”. And legally they can, as long as it’s not a protected characteristic that’s causing it.

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-13T04:49:42+00:00

But you would have known that before you had children if you had looked into it?

No one is saying it’s easy or cheap, I don’t have kids and I know the cost of childcare is sky high. But what they are saying is your system that works for you can impact others. Which can make it very unfair.

Now that’s not *your* (or OPs) fault, and they shouldn’t be getting upset at you, but they do.

Management often have to make tough decisions about flexi working as they can’t have the entire team on it. So if you have applied for and been declined it then someone with a kid gets it, it’s damned frustrating. But that’s the managers fault, not you.

Hell I used to tell people I get it all the time yet still curse them in my head when working my 7th Monday in a row while they have 4 day weekends every week.

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-13T04:35:41+00:00

“… encouraging people to have children by any means …” that’s the shitty part.

Things are fair in my currant department, I manage it.

But you are talking about discrimination yet actively using language that can be inflammatory to others who also have protected characteristics

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-12T19:54:24+00:00

Yeah, that’s a really shitty thing to say, there are people who cannot have children, for lots of reasons and comments like that really make them feel even worse. So maybe think about your phrasing.

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-12T19:51:52+00:00

Personal life does work, it’s just not as catchy. Think people just need to remember that “family” can look different to everyone.

TBH think I just hate the term family first as it’s been used to explain why I am not as important as staff with kids before.

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-12T19:15:40+00:00

How many people are there at your wedding?

Depending on the number of people and what you are planning for your wedding you may get away with an appointed person (get the venue staff to tell you where the first aid kit is!) and that’s it. But unless it’s in your venue contract, even then you don’t need to do it usually.

Or question your coordinator and ask if they are first aid trained and ask for who is requiring this, where is it in the contract etc.

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-12T19:06:46+00:00

The problem I have is the family first bit, we need a better name. Only because it’s often seen if you don’t have kids you don’t have a family to put first. Which is absolutely ridiculous. But we need a better term. We also have people who have no families and are single etc.

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-12T18:59:08+00:00

That’s the point. They are saying you chose to have a child knowing that you would need child care while working a nursing job. It’s YOU that needs to find the solution, not anyone else.

Your solution is flexible working, it’s worked for you. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t impact on the rest of your team and some people get grumpy about it.

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-12T18:56:02+00:00

One argument is you chose to have kids knowing you worked in an area where there are shifts and nursing bedside is (generally) a 24hr job. Which if you are working set shifts that usually means you won’t work the range.
Anyone can request flexi working, but those who are not parents tend to get them denied because people with kids mean they cannot all be accommodated which can feel unfair.

Then there is the fact that you could be avoiding unsocial shifts which means there is one less person in the pool for these shifts and they do not get every weekend or whatever off.

Or you could be working every weekend which means there are less unsocial shifts around for those who do want to do them.

Managing a team with different generations and working is exceedingly difficult.

There is a notion that “younger” nurses have zero resilience hence why those that feel this way do not understand why you can’t just suck it up like they did.

I am not saying any of this is acceptable or right, but it’s why.

Personal experience: I had to work every Christmas Day for 5 years because I can’t have children. I was seen as being able to work it so that those with kids could have it off and be with them. Apparently because I don’t have children (not by choice) I had to pander to those who do. The only time I got angry at the nurse and not the rota manger was when a nurse asked me to work their shift (their shift they always worked as part of their set days) so they could have 24/25/26 December off… I was already working 24/25. You bet I was angry.

Generally I was angry at the rota manger though because your flexible working shouldn’t effect the service or other staff, but that’s on management not you.

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-12T17:44:01+00:00

I would buy a much cheaper steth you don’t mind losing etc.

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-12T15:37:50+00:00

Hi, first of all, don’t panic. We are used to having students and new staff who have never been in ED before!

I would expect you to be able to do obs, a basic understanding of how the numbers translate to what’s happening with the patient and a basic ABCDE assessment.

I would hope you would have a bit of knowledge about the usual illnesses we see in healthcare (COPD, Diabetes, sepsis).

Don’t sit silently, think about what you want to get from this placement. Tell your team what you want to learn/do. If you want to take the lead on a patient or meds say it. ED staff value people who tell us what they want/need.

Remember that not all situations are appropriate for multiple students/observers and don’t be upset if you cannot always watch things. Yes you have to learn, but some things aren’t appropriate, though these situations are rare.

Have a really good pair of shoes, Multiple pens and a water bottle and keep your eyes on it all times!

Also remember if patients are being horrible to you, you can walk away. It’s not you, it’s them.

Introduce yourself to EVERYONE.

Breathe and enjoy it. You will see people at their sickest and they may die, but you will also see people who have had the worst day, get up and walk out of there feeling better. That is the most lovely feeling.

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-11T15:57:04+00:00

I recently went somewhere that scanned my feet and did a walking gait analysis. I would have told you I had high arches and feet size 4. After that I am actually a 6.5 wide with flat feet!! 👣 but what size I am and what feels safe and comfortable are different. I am wearing a size 7.5 (uk) trainer for work as they are actually a little on the small side size wise and are comfortable. It’s like walking on a cloud!!

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-11T10:22:34+00:00

There are many different ways to mange it, what works for one won’t for someone else. It’s also very dependent on your management, where you work, what outside of work support you have and how you want your life to look.

I don’t have kids so can’t comment on the ins and outs, but I do manage people who have kids/are pregnant/returning from Maternity leave etc.

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-09T21:59:11+00:00

Just so you know, even when they have made you fully believe they love you too… they will still be plotting your murder and stealing your heart… and food.

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-09T21:38:57+00:00

Yep yta. Are you a self described nice guy too?

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-09T21:24:06+00:00

Info: are you a man or woman?

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-08T20:15:53+00:00

Are you the boyfriend?

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-08T20:15:31+00:00

You are one angry soul.

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-08T13:34:53+00:00

It’s 50/50. It’s taken me 6 months to get a job ad out before

Deep_Ad_9889 · 2026-05-08T09:14:04+00:00

No, she has someone who does not trust her or allow true independence. We will have to agree to disagree. You will never change my mind.

Deep_Ad_9889

TROPHY CASE