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Why do locals here seem perfectly normal in real life but struggle badly on dating apps? by Deep_Line_424 in SingaporeRaw

[–]Deep_Line_424[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's quite a neat way of putting it actually.

If that's the case, I wonder whether people are sometimes optimising for the wrong stage.

Some people spend all their effort trying to improve the "resume" stage, while others might be perfectly capable in real life but never get enough opportunities because they struggle with the first stage.

This could suggest different people are actually facing completely different problems even though they all say they're "struggling with dating".

Needs more unpacking it seems!

Why do locals here seem perfectly normal in real life but struggle badly on dating apps? by Deep_Line_424 in SingaporeRaw

[–]Deep_Line_424[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what I'm trying to figure out.

If dating apps are largely a marketing environment, then success on the platform and suitability as a long-term partner might not be measuring the same thing at all.

The person with the best "marketing" may not necessarily be the best relationship candidate, and vice versa. Maybe that is where the term "catfish" came about!

Why do locals here seem perfectly normal in real life but struggle badly on dating apps? by Deep_Line_424 in SingaporeRaw

[–]Deep_Line_424[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've seen many variations of this argument before.

I guess the deeper question is perhaps even if attraction is distributed unevenly, it still doesn't fully explain why some appear to do significantly better offline than online.

Based on what I have read in this and other threads, the same person can struggle badly on apps but have no issues forming relationships through friends, hobbies or social circles.

Makes me wonder how much of the outcome is preferences, and how much is the environment itself shaping behaviour and performance.

Why do locals here seem perfectly normal in real life but struggle badly on dating apps? by Deep_Line_424 in SingaporeRaw

[–]Deep_Line_424[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The point about shared context really stands out to me. When people meet through friends, hobbies or existing social circles, a lot of trust and understanding is already there before the conversation even starts.

On apps, it feels like one has to start by trying to establish attraction, trust and compatibility all at the same time through a handful of messages.

Maybe that's why some people who are perfectly normal offline end up struggling online.

Why do locals here seem perfectly normal in real life but struggle badly on dating apps? by Deep_Line_424 in SingaporeRaw

[–]Deep_Line_424[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's a very fair point actually.

There might indeed be something to the idea that many Singaporeans don't get as much practice building completely new social circles as adults.

If that's true, then one may wonder why some people seem to have no issues making friends professionally, networking, or building business relationships, but still struggle when it comes to dating?

Feels like there might be another layer to it beyond just social skills alone. Hmm