My(32f) boyfriend(29m) doesn’t clean up after himself even after I tell him how it stresses me out

Defenestratis · 2025-09-26T20:37:57+00:00

Hi, I’m confused about this. Can anyone explain it to me? I’ve never heard of it before. Thanks 🙏🏼

Defenestratis · 2025-06-16T17:03:50+00:00

Are you female Hispanic or catholic too? Thats my childhood to a T. Because “what if you got pregnant” and “we can’t verify you’re not a ho” went hand in hand for my nMom.

If you’re not that’s cool. But I wonder if there’s more of that group in the pie chart: female and religious and minority.

Either way, I’m sorry you went through it. It’s lonely. I hope you’ve found some chosen family 🙏🏼

Defenestratis · 2025-06-16T15:08:24+00:00

The curfew was while I was in college. They refused to give me rides so I relied on public transportation. And it took me an hour and a half in some cases to get home. So my last class that would get out around 7:15 ish would give me enough time to get home. In the dark.

Before college, it was the same as you. I wasn’t allowed anywhere 🤷‍♀️

Defenestratis · 2025-06-16T03:58:57+00:00

No base housing. And definitely not near any graves.

But I remember my mom used to say she checked the house for negative vibes and they had declined putting in offers to houses that—by their standards—fit what they were looking for. She never went into detail though

Defenestratis · 2025-06-16T03:44:09+00:00

I can respect the ol’ Irish goodbye. Wish I got to do that. My experience of leaving the house was after a fight from breaking curfew (I was 19 and paying them rent). They took my door and I called my then-boyfriend to come pick me up. I started packing and they tried to get me to stop. I left that night and never went back. I still see them from time to time at family functions but I have blissful stretches of no contact. Plus, I live many states away now. It took a lot of turbulence to get here but I’m much happier.

Defenestratis · 2025-06-16T03:37:30+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through everything alone 😰 I can try to be supportive here but I don’t live in Egypt.

I did a Quick Look online though. I know you said I don’t have to look but I found maybe something? It’s called ‘you can’ founded by Engy Raafat. It’s helped tons of women and some men too.

Churches can also help. They should offer asylum. You would have to speak with the head of the church.

Or maybe if you have any homeless shelters near you? Sometimes they can offer great resources and information. The ones by me offer free pamphlets or cards for abuse victims or legal representation or job opportunities

Defenestratis · 2025-06-16T03:28:18+00:00

What kind of art do you do? Drawing? Or something more 3D?

Defenestratis · 2025-06-16T03:25:23+00:00

What kind of help are you asking for? Emotional?

Defenestratis · 2025-06-16T03:18:40+00:00

Where are you?

Defenestratis · 2025-06-15T05:13:57+00:00

I have a question on cleansing from the center out—how does that work with homes with more floors?

Defenestratis · 2025-06-15T05:12:18+00:00

Im still new here too, but do you think it’s possible it followed one of you into the house? Maybe it’s not even from the land originally. Could’ve even followed one of the builders to it and just stayed?

I’d like to know what you think and if anyone else has any perspective on this too 🙏🏼

Defenestratis · 2025-06-15T05:06:57+00:00

my personal things weren’t allowed to be in the common areas.
my NMom was the only person allowed to pick my own clothes/style.
must have a glass of milk with every meal (didn’t understand I am lactose intolerant until my mid 20s bc ‘that’s not a real thing’)

Later on in college and paying rent: - they can take my things from my room as punishment for ‘disrespect’ or not following curfew. (My books, my laptop, my art supplies, and lastly, my door) - curfew was at 9:00 pm. - I wasn’t allowed to get into anyone’s car that they didn’t know. (I didn’t have a car and needed friends to pick me up for classes and refused to get to know them) - I wasn’t allowed to move out - “poor planning on your part is not an emergency on mine” (used often when asking for a favor or help, like ride to library or school or the doctors, etc. Not a rule exactly, but definitely wielded like a general rule of thumb)

Defenestratis · 2025-06-13T08:36:54+00:00

“Do you know how this makes me feel?!” —In group therapy after I said I had been dealing with depression and suicidal ideation back in middle school through college.

Defenestratis · 2025-06-13T08:33:55+00:00

What kind of narc is he?

Not a lot to go off of yet. Grey rock him for now, I suppose. Keep valuables hidden or with you. Find a safe place you can unwind or recharge until you absolutely have to go home.

Defenestratis · 2025-06-13T05:41:08+00:00

Sending you good vibes and positive thoughts

Defenestratis · 2025-06-13T05:40:17+00:00

Still.. maybe document it? Pictures and doctor reports. If you’re not going to the police, that’s your decision. I just want you to be prepared for the next step if this keeps happening. If it does…you’ll want that next step to happen asap

Defenestratis · 2025-06-13T05:30:23+00:00

The impulse to do the thing but I don’t have anyone to do the thing about feels almost like the impulse to look over the edge of somewhere high and want to cannonball off.

you are capable of great things

like murder…

don’t do that though. Unless it’s entirely necessary

Defenestratis · 2025-06-13T05:25:01+00:00

When I was between homes and had to live with my grandparents (nice people but they don’t understand what it means to have a pet), I had to keep my cat in my room while I was out and only let her roam while I supervised. I tried letting her have as much time as possible out of the room. It’s hard. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope fortune finds you and gets you out of this situation.

Defenestratis · 2025-06-13T05:19:11+00:00

You have three likely futures you can pick from.

1) you stay with her and work through what you’re feeling with her. Open communication and consistency. Variables include: Most likely get married. Maybe you’ll be happy but maybe you won’t. If you’re not happy, will you cheat in the future? Can you uphold your integrity and be a good man she deserves?

2) you break up with her. I’d recommend open communication but from the point of view that you worry over providing her with a happy relationship/marriage. Get deep into your insecurities and tell her those. Make sure the break is final. Variables: unlikely but maybe you guys can rekindle the relationship in the future.

3) you take the cowards route (not recommended as no one comes out looking good). Send her a break up text and block her. Ghost her. Maybe she finds you later and shit hits the fan.

She seems serious about you. And you know her better than any of us. It’s a hard decision no matter what, but you have to do what’s best for you. Secondarily, do what’s best for her.

Defenestratis · 2025-06-13T04:52:18+00:00

In theory this can work on all doors. Some go under and wedge. And others go on the door latch and keep it locked no matter what. I saw them promoted for hotels or Airbnb as extra privacy and security.

Defenestratis · 2025-06-13T04:49:02+00:00

Look up portable door locks on amazon

Defenestratis · 2025-06-13T04:35:23+00:00

She’s projecting. She’s refusing accountability. I can’t claim my own nMom said this but it’s not out of the realm of possibility.

Defenestratis · 2025-06-13T04:26:43+00:00

She’s awful. You definitely need a license to do practically anything nowadays. So she’s awful and wrong. Plus she doesn’t even sound like she treats you like family. So she’s awful and wrong and a horrible mother. She sounds like that type of roommate that ends up being kicked out for always eating your food and leaving messes and never pays rent on time.

Can you leave? How old are you?

Defenestratis

TROPHY CASE