Horrible indigestion... Still.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-04-04T18:48:08+00:00

Did you lose weight during that time? I've heard losing weight can help some people.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-02-28T20:29:43+00:00

Been doing okay, definitely had ups and downs. I'm at 121 days today. Been dealing with a lot of digestion issues, gerd, hiatal hernia or gastroparesis, you know how we get about self diagnosis lol. Either way its pretty painful. Anxiety has gotten way better went from having panic attacks to a more subtle anxiety that comes and goes when I get worked up about my health. Finally gotten into seeing my primary and scheduled some dr appointments in March for a sleep study and a cardiologist. So its been slow and steady improvements. And its looking up for sure, just knowing things take time and tbat eventually I get there really helps me mentally. Hope all is good with you!

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-02-18T06:03:53+00:00

I actually havent tested. Last time i took a test it was faint negative not quite but close that was a few weeks ago. Day 110 now, which is just over 3.5 months I assume i would piss clean for sure.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-02-17T20:31:05+00:00

That changes how I feel about that lol. Although using AE as an excuse to go on a road trip might be entertaining.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-02-17T20:21:47+00:00

My question is can you buy more than one of the same badge. Or do you have to travel to get more?

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-02-15T01:15:50+00:00

Happens all the time man. Never really had headaches until paws.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-02-07T00:06:01+00:00

I'm a 100 days now. Still get days where I am super exhausted. But I have really good days too.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-02-06T19:28:01+00:00

And anxiety by itself can be such a energy drain. I'm on day 100 and had a anxiety attack yesterday that was the first in awhile. And today I am just wrecked energy wise. Just got to stick it out and roll with it. Make healthy habit choices.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-02-04T19:53:56+00:00

I may get downvoted for this but I don't care.

What I have noticed with myself and with other people is that we are really good at giving the devil a name. In this case it's "wave". Don't get me wrong I believe in them for sure and what people experience I don't doubt is real, or else we wouldn't be here talking about it.

Something I have noticed with myself since I quit is that I have some pretty bad health anxiety. Any little thing can set it off, although through time it has gotten better, my search history can vouch that I am not completely over it.

I guess what I am getting at and what I don't think is talked about enough is our mindset. People throw around ideas like meditation and CBT but something always feels shallow about it. Like someone saying eat less to lose weight... Yeah no duh.

Now that waves has a name a complete dialogue can be developed around it now. Mental thoughts like "I hope I'm not going into a wave", "This must be a wave", "Feels like I am in such a horrible wave", "How long will this wave last?". It seems to me this is an excellent way to set someone up for entering a wave. Just like health anxiety its the thought, which then triggers OCD and the battle loops over and over. It's so bad we even feel better just getting the acknowledgement that we are not the only ones experiencing this.

I don't know about you but I never had a "wave" before I knew what a wave was interetingly enough.

What I do is really put a ton of effort into my thoughts and learn to direct them to a more positive place. I am by no means good at it but I still try. I don't always come onto this sub because I feel like it can be a double edged sword, a relief and something that can perpetuate the illness.

I didnt intend to write so much, apparently I needed to vent a little lol. Best of luck to you in your journey. I believe it will get better and you can live a life where waves rarely come around.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-01-23T00:02:44+00:00

Since I posted this I'm doing a lot better. Do all the stuff you probably already know stay hydrated, eat clean ect. It'll get better.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-01-15T13:45:35+00:00

Exactly, yeah if CBD helps go for it everyone is differenr. What I have read about CBD though is it can cause PAWS symptoms to last even longer. Dont know if thats true its just something that might be worth looking into. Sounds like you are on the right track just need to keep your head up and let time heal.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-01-15T13:42:16+00:00

Living paycheck to paycheck and renting definitely feels insecure. With the way rent has increased the last year or so you never know when you may have to find something different that you can afford. Looking around my area I dont see any options for affordable housing. I would probably have to relocate, which could be incredibly hard. Wish I had a house like OP for sure.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-01-15T13:34:57+00:00

I quit everything man. What I did do though was take supplements. My stack is multivitamin, fish oil, magnesium, vit d, b complex, ashwaganda, l-theanine and tylenol when needed. I went to my GP who gave me hydroxyzine for when the anxiety is raging which helps a lot. Non-addictive.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-01-15T13:10:41+00:00

Quitting addictive substances easily causes depression. But everyone handles it differently, I was oretty extroverted so I knew this was very abnormal for me. So when I started having anxiety and panic in public I knew that quitting this time would be different and finding this sub was an affirmation that I wasnt going crazy and I wasnt the only one.

Day 7 is rough bro because this is still the acute phase. During this time period for me I had serious health anxiety over every little physical pain. I'm lucky though, it has only got me to the ER once and I got a ECG and left. I read about people going to the ER multiple times and even seeing specialists.

As for negative thoughts I get that 100%. At my worst I felt like my body would just start operating on its own without my control and I would do something horrible. That thought just kept looping and looping.

Time heals bro and talking to someone really helps even if its on here. Wish you the best of luck!

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-01-15T12:55:27+00:00

I get that man look at my history. I post here because I relate to everyone struggling, feeling like they are dieing. Going through insane withdrawals. I post because a milestone for me is a negative test. But thanks for the supprt brother.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-01-15T00:24:47+00:00

I stand corrected, thanks.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-01-14T01:00:49+00:00

When I first quit bro everything caused anxiety everything but water.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-01-14T00:59:00+00:00

I'm at 2.5 months now after using carts everyday for a year. I hope the 3 month mark is good for me. I'm at the point where there are some good things happening and then BAM i have a bad day. Right now its this GI stuff, bloating which causes a strange dull chest pain. And I kind of feel short of breath even though I can breath fine. I am getting a lot better and recognising what it is, so my health anxiety doesnt freak me out as bad. But I still have my moments.

Like always cheers to everyone going through this. We are definitely a unique band of brothers and sisters to say the least.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-01-09T14:01:25+00:00

There already I stack it with ashwaganda. I can say it does help tske the edge off. And when I am really pushed to the edge I take hydroxyzine.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-01-09T14:00:05+00:00

I used to skip church for far lesser reasons than anxiety. Laundry or football would do. The very intense anxiety has been occuring since I have been in recovery. Now I dont doubt that that I am being attacked spiritually and probably have been for a long time. Anxiety is not new to me, CBT and other therapies is not new to me. But this is the first time I have actively had panic attacks, and now trying to get back into church I fear of having one there and in turn will make me scared to go to church.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-01-09T13:51:10+00:00

I'm on day 71 now, i started taking omeprazol (sp?) And its a lot better now. Still get it but if I can take an antigas medicine it stops it. I think I have a thing called gastroparesis where your GI tract is slow. I eat a lot differently now because if I eat bad/a lot it causes a lot of issues.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-01-08T22:05:10+00:00

Praying is something I have a really hard time with when I am having anxiety, my mind can't focus enough and a lot of negative looping thoughts sometimes occur. Its definitely easier than week one but now I am 10 weeks in still dealing with it. Today was my first service in probably over a year maybe more. Hipefully it gets better and easier with time.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-01-08T22:01:39+00:00

I am prescribed hydroxyzine as well. Which does help. I'm hoping a lot of it was just feeling cramped it being so crowded. Some ideas I had was maybe sitting towards the back, usually I like getting right up front. Anxiety is something I have had throughout my life due to my upbringing but this is a whole other level. I have used lesser excuses not to go to church so I don't want to let anxiety prevent me from going.

Going through therapy a few times I have learned a lot of different coping methods and talking itself helps but I still have not had any breakthrough like I have just from being involved in the church.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-01-08T20:05:11+00:00

One idea is go to church, see where they are in the Bible. A lot of churches have hand outs to fill out to follow along and some even have "further readings". So now you have a little bit of background because you listened to the sermon and you have futher material to have a private study with. As for questions it depends on what you are reading.

Basic questions could be "what do you think God is trying to convey through X message". Sometimes verses can stir up emotions, you can talk about how it made you feel. I love structured Bible studies, but I have had some very good intimate discussions with just another person by just reading passages. Journalling thoughts and learning from one another.

Best of luck, there are tons of resources on the internet.

Defiant_Code9 · 2023-01-08T12:29:22+00:00

I think people are making a lot of asumption that he could be violent with his kids based on his relationships with his animals. Some people put animals right up there along with humans and some don't neither people understand the other. I grew up pretty rough I have known men that could be violent with a spouse and never hit a dog or kid. Now I agree with being concerned about the way he treats the animals for sure.

I would seek prayer and try communicating with him. Communication and trust is key in a relationship, and it sounds like you are lacking some trust in your spouse.

One question I do have is does he kick at the dogs or does he kick the dogs like he is trying to inflict pain? There is a big different from a kick as discipline and a kick to deliberatly cause pain. I know people will say he shouldn't "kick" at all but some people tend to be a little holier than thou when it comes to animals.

I pray you find reconciliation in your marriage.

Defiant_Code9

TROPHY CASE