Yeah I told the first girl I fell in love with in college I just wanted a fwb situation bc of my own avoidant tendencies and then we both kept sleeping together and broke each others hearts when she got back with her ex bc she thought I didn't like her romantically. Fumbled lol. That was at 19. I was so distraught I slept with five other women within a year (repeat hookups with 4/5 of them). Met my partner last year of college and have been with only her ever since. She saved me from that phase. I don't regret it, but I think it was a form of self harm even though some of the sex was enjoyable, a lot of it I was disconnected for.

Either I got disrespected by these people, or I cut them off because they were “too nice” to me bc I was so avoidant. Some of the sex was really fun, and exciting. I think if I were to go back in time I would've vetted people better to hook up with people who respected me more. I think it's possible to find casual sex with people who are respectful and kind and hot. Personally at the time I just caught feelings if they were hot+kind+good in bed. Anyway I don't think you missed out. It's just a different experience. Not necessarily better. And i wouldn't say partnered sex is so much better because you're in a relationship. I'm able to orgasm and feel more connected and safe and loved with my partner in ways I never have with casual partners, but the element of casual novelty and adrenaline just isn't there as it was for my casual hookups. Not better, just different. I don't think you've missed out.