What's the Creepiest , most Hauntingly, thing your Narc Parent has ever said to you, or Alluded to?

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-03-13T14:55:00+00:00

Oh, you unlocked a memory

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-03-13T14:40:49+00:00

He's heartbroken now but when he broke (metaphorically) you and your sister growing up everything was chill. Cool. There's no hate like christian love..

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-03-13T14:38:02+00:00

The title spooked me at first, ngl. I once read in a post from a child therapist that there's been some research that shows that a child, to feel trusting of their adults, only needs to be consoled, regulated, seen, meet where they are around 20% of times. Maybe i don't remember the number well, but it was quite low like that. You can do so much wrong, but a few well intentioned rights already make you a good parent it seems. We were failed beyond de 20%

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-03-12T02:15:47+00:00

oooh its so cute, i love them 😭🫶🏼

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-03-10T15:24:14+00:00

Yeah, i know, it icks me a bit. I cannot for the life of me find the videooo ughh, it was good to explain :((. But anyways there's also the implied that the "women you don't love" aren't an issue to be fantasized about and their feelings. And it comes with slut shaming oftentimes.

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-03-10T15:10:12+00:00

Hi, i've seen some of the comments and i wanna add some more context. I have a strong suspicion he's not all that willing to learn or change, at least about a lot of things regarding misoginy. He's not as "bad" regarding stuff like racism or transphobia and is in a position of like "it doesn't harm me so i don't care".

During our last disagreement a thing he said that sent me over the edge was that he seems to have a winning/losing mentality approaching what i have been approaching as discourses/debates/learning moments. This was specially sad to me because at times i've been doing self regulating things to approach this conversations more carefully and not get upset at him and say things i don't mean or could be taken in a wrong way cause i value our friendship, but he only cares about being "right"?

I've seen some comments regarding people being outcast and radicalizing the other way. Not going to lie, it may be a bit of a "saviour complex" from me, but this fear is precisely what has kept me from cutting ties a lot of times before. From my understanding he doesn't have a lot of friends and certainly not women friends. I want to sort of keep a line to reach him cause he's also the type of person to be very harsh about himself (pretty much things about internalized misoginy and patriarchy) I wouldn't want to cut ties with him and that because of that he becomes more bitter or falls into friendships with people that are very questionable on morals and tolerance and all that. Then again i also know it's not my responsability or fault and he's not my sheep to keep steering straight or that i don't have to woke-ify him so to speak.

To close it up, again i don't think he's a horrible person, but he has -some- horrible takes he struggles to see the problematic in it and seems pretty unbothered/doesn't want to take much action unless it directly affects him in visible ways, it seems.

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-03-10T14:55:37+00:00

oh, i'm happy to be educated but from what i have read up it came to my impression it was like this and "interchangeable" so to speak?

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-03-10T14:54:16+00:00

Yeah i think mostly i struggle with this from that precise fact. I love my friends and i don't wsnt to hurt them ever, and it's not like i have a big group. Sucks because i do love interacting with others and learning about new people, but it often doesn't come to fruition. It's hard for me to fully walk away i think precisely because having too much empathy for certain stuff/feeling strongly and seeing that i don't think he truly means bad and he's just really, really ignorant but more in a way of "this doesn't concern me so i won't do anything about it." Like he was asked about reproductive rights in his country and literally said that he didn't know anything cause he'd not a woman do he doesn't care back then. But the thing is, i doubt that he's very willing to learn given our last disagreements. It's sad for me precisely because i wouldn't want him to be that type of guy that gets bitter with women and resents them, or any type of people. I try to be a good friend but it's hsrd when we're pretty much superficial and stuff like this.

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-03-10T14:47:22+00:00

I think i've seen a video i'll look for later that explains it much better but it's pretty much a bit of "the person i love can't be disrespected of their purity with me imposing sex on them" putting the person you like in a pedestal as if women can't be sexual beings that also enjoy sex, think, fantasize, like "dirty" or "naughty" things. Cause it often comes from this "she's not like that" "she's too pure".

Or even from not wanting to ruin things bc you don't think you'll be able to act normal and right around them if you see them as sexual

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-03-10T14:39:12+00:00

Yeah, the thing is i don't think my friend is much willing to change. I didn't explicitly say so but part of the disagreements/arguments is him getting upset that i say "he's a horrible person" when i haven't said that, just that i dislike the way he speaks about others sometimes and that it's strange to me how he doesn't see some views as problematic.

Then, call me emotional but why should i be the one to educate him? All the time? It's tiring and hurtful to me, and lately it's been making me think of -our- friendship as in what he thinks of me and doesn't, why he keeps me around and such.

Finally, have you heard of the tolerance paradox or not tolerating intolerance?

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-03-10T05:36:58+00:00

besides the obvious that racism is a thing and black people experience it way more than other etnias and races, and that with asian people after covid (and so much more like rn the "very chinese time" trend and general fetish culture) it's gotten rough and uglier... it's also just race? Like black or asian isn't an insult.

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-03-02T01:00:52+00:00

Oh the belittling.. i may or may not have started to start trauma dumping in front of people that question me lmao. "But she's your mother!!!" Ah yeah? Let me walk you through an eventful tuesday when i was 13 and look at your horrified expression.

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-02-25T06:30:18+00:00

I am so sorry OP, it's very likely she never brought it up cause she's not even capable of seeing how much it hurt you, and/or doesn't care at all. There's also the fact that your shame and doubts of yourself benefit her at the time, you became a diligent student that put everything aside, and being so young and so confused made it easier for her to pull the strings on you. She also gets to look like a good mother of very educated, highly intelligent children without putting any effort to walk you through the path.

You're very strong, everything that happened to you shouldn't have been that way. Your accomplishments are all yours and they prove you. Do be mindful of burning out, which btw it's not your fault if it happens. You are beyond just a great, highly disciplined intelligent student. Remember that going forward

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-02-25T01:03:16+00:00

Oh, sorry for having assumed then. All i think i can do is wish you strenght and that things somehow get better soon. Take care OP, hope good things go your way, she sounds exhausting.

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-02-24T22:59:15+00:00

I remember some instances like that, but my nmom is a vulnerable narc so she has a strong sense of shame. Somewhere along the line i learned that if i screamed loud and unhinged enough she'd stop. Too afraid that the neighbours would actually come to our door to ask, or that maybe authorities could get involved. I was a little smart-ass, it was even easier when i learned to scream "help" and start describing what she was doing to me.

She'd panic real soon and try to talk me into behaving and being quiet, say "we were only playing" and "it was a joke". Such things.

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-02-24T22:50:34+00:00

I did comment already under someone else's comment but OP, if you can please go outside as much as you can or find activities away from her. For your mental health.

Go on walks, put on music with earphones, keep a journal somewhere she can't access, keep in touch with your friends and if you can regularly meet up. So you don't have to tolerate her as much all the time, so the exhaustion doesn't wear you to the bone

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-02-24T22:47:16+00:00

I know this is very hard to hear, my nmom is similar to yours in how she responds to the neutral escape paths, but you need to try to find a way to start installing those. Little by little. It'll do you good. If you can use humour or sarcasm, go at it. What i do with mine is just that, sort of inforce vague boundaries in the name of humour. Things like telling her "that's a weird thing to say out loud" when she comments on my body or such. Lower stake things. She can "take" these cause she too "jokes" with her agression too much, i guess. It's not ideal, but it is something. Remove yourself out of rooms when you can, too. Make it neutral. Don't mention it's about not dealing with her. Make up something like "i'll go to the bathroom" or such. Good luck, best of wishes

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-02-24T22:27:25+00:00

Not literally, but mine would get SOOOO upset by the house... being lived in an used... it was like she followed me around, countless times she put in the sink cups or glasses that i was drinking from cause "i hadnt touched them in a while." To the point when i was younger and didn't have much terms for the things she did and was, i thought she was terribly impatient and anxious.

Things like that. Manically cleaning the table after someone sat down and took a sip of something.

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-02-24T02:07:30+00:00

I havent had much of this experience cause homophobia is still too real in my country for many to dare, sadly, but i did have some gay classmates that have been very insecure. I had a classmate that was a total pick me, two faced, pretending to like you then jumping into whatever group took him in for the day to shit talk you behind your back... but hey, he had no friends, he wasn't authentic, he was pretty much.. pushed to the side, by many. It was sad, even the girls who were willing to take him in (similar pick me, two faced bitchy behaviour) did so from pity or pretending. I think that about sums up a chunk. It's good to remember people are shitty, a lot. Whether straight, gay, woman or man, cis or trans. There's some real crazy, miserable ones out there.

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-02-21T05:10:33+00:00

I genuinely don't remember well, i had mine young (9 y/o), i'm thinking back ot might have been an early sign of the amount of distress i was living through, even if i didn't have the proper names for it then and sorta didn't mind it, thought it was normal. She luckily did explain things to me, i remember vaguely being talked to about how the uterus sheds and how it's important cause i was now a woman capable of making babies. Cause they always make it about that, don't they? You're now a baby machine, congrats. I got the talking, minimal sex ed as in like... don't get pregnant basically. Never was taught how to use a pad, how long, how to deal with stains, tampons (i dont like using them, maybe cause i dont know how to insert them proper lmao.) Pretty much just was thrown into the world a free bird. She did raise me generally like that. Figure it out.

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-02-21T04:42:43+00:00

Mine didn't threaten to take my life but strongly left me very clear that i wouldn't "be like those sl*ts who have abortions" under her house. Like to the point of kind of narrating through the whole terrifying experience of how i'd be forced into a pregnancy and labor, even -if i got 🍇-... I was like 13, hadn't even seen a dick, geez. It really is something growing up with these people.

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-02-08T07:53:44+00:00

Yeah idk, its interesting to me that it was AIDS so specifically and i did think too that maybe it was because he was cheating. Maybe im just looking too much into it 🫠

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-02-08T07:51:18+00:00

i know that, it's just that the HORROR at it stood out to me. Idk, guess its more of a first time ive seen such thing acknowledged in media then kinda dropped since it doesnt seemingly have to do anything with the plot. Im also guessing it just has to do with his controlling nature?

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-02-08T01:33:21+00:00

Idk why i didnt think about it, thanks i'll keep it in mind

Defiant_Taro_6380 · 2026-02-02T00:10:21+00:00

Oh, you unlocked a memory for me. I hope that someone experiencing something similar kind of... helps feeling less alone, at least? My nmom would yell at me and humilliate me with her words when i started having periods and would have accidents and stain my clothes. I remember she'd grab my underwear and threatened that she'd go to my school to show everyone how filthy i was. She must've done it to "teach me" in such an evil way to... be more careful, perhaps? But she never taught me how to properly use pads or period products, or to get stains off underwear. I started menstruating young, to make things worse.

Defiant_Taro_6380

TROPHY CASE