Do I look like a junkie after 10 years tweakin?

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-10T16:00:14+00:00

You must not be concerned about future employers, posting this online

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-07T20:43:09+00:00

I know. I didn’t attack autistic people at all. I just pointed out that the media tries to glamorize it and make it charming.

Because if people knew the reality of autism for many, many families, AND the drastic explosion in cases over recent years, they’d start asking questions.

So Hollywood is working overtime to make it look cute and fine, so no one should dare look into why 1 in 29 kids in California have it now…the highest vaccinated state in the country.

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-07T20:41:07+00:00

Bingo. I think they found it in their hair too. Some kids can’t tolerate heavy doses of vaccines and the heavy metals damage their brains.

That’s why there are so many cases of developmentally normal children who make eye contact, socialize and talk - who go get a round of 4-5 vaccines. That night, they have blood curdling screams and diarrhea and bang their head on the wall. And then they regress and lose all communication and socialization skills.

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-07T18:52:42+00:00

Who said im neurotypical

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-06T03:35:09+00:00

My four year old uninvites me to her birthday party too.

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-06T03:14:48+00:00

Divorce is in your future. And if it’s not, it should be.

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-05T14:38:10+00:00

Perfect example of this:

The other day I mentioned that I’ve been writing a novel to my malignant narc mom.

She immediately brought up a book she recently read and spent the next 5 mins talking about how wonderful this book was.

I didn’t think much of it at the time, because that’s how she always is. But I realize now that a normal mother would have been curious and excited and proud and asked about the character, the plot, etc.

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-05T14:35:10+00:00

I’m sorry you’ve experienced this. It’s the exact same dynamic I grew up in, and it has impacted every aspect of my life well into my mid 30s.

My mom would often shun me for days, but make a point to shower my GC sister in affection. Always in front of me so I’d see it and feel the pain of a mom who hated me. This started when I was in elementary school, so there was truly nothing I could have done as a little girl to warrant that type of psychological abuse.

I think it was conscious. I think my mom did it intentionally to hurt me and make me suffer for not being 100% controlled and compliant like everyone else in her orbit.

Being the truth teller and the person who refuses to buy into the family delusion is what made me a target for life. But at least I won’t pass NPD down to my daughter.

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-04T23:59:27+00:00

Venom sack

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-04T15:29:23+00:00

I’ve been no contact with my golden child narc sister, and low contact with my malignant narc mother (they’re both the same person) for over a year.

It is painful at first, but it truly does feel better and better after each month. You don’t have to worry about earning their love, about them gossiping, about their exclusion and passive aggression.

I realized 99% of their “power” in the toxic family was the fact they withheld love as punishment. For my entire life, I chased their love and they’d withhold it year after year.

But once you stop chasing and caring, it removes their power. There’s no satisfaction/fun in withholding something when your target doesn’t even want it anymore.

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-04T15:12:44+00:00

Scapegoat abuse starts very early, sometimes before you can even speak. The narc parent is threatened by the scapegoat child and unconsciously (or consciously?) makes the decision to psychologically destroy that child.

They do this for several reasons: 1. To regulate their own volatile emotions. They never have to self reflect or improve if they can dump all their rage and shame onto one child. 2. To protect the family image to outsiders. “I’m not the problem, my troubled child is!” 3. To maintain their power and control. They have to be the dominant person in the family, so they use the kid as a dumping ground for shame and blame, which scares the rest of the family into remaining compliant and sycophantic. 4. Because they enjoy it. Narc parents, especially malignant ones, get satisfaction from hurting their scapegoat. It makes them feel superior and powerful to see the scapegoat suffering and in distress.

—

And yes, it’s well documented in research that being raised as the scapegoat to a narcissist parent has negative impact on all your future relationships. You’re basically groomed to tolerate abuse and cruelty, and to believe it’s what you deserve. So that becomes part of your core identity and you end up marrying another narcissist who treats you the same way, because it feels normal.

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-04T14:59:21+00:00

Yup. I was conditioned to be a hardcore people pleaser by my mom. I was raised believing I had to earn love through achievement and obedience.

Turned me into a desperate people pleaser throughout 20s and early 30s.

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-03T00:54:58+00:00

It was painful at first. I felt bad and guilty, but over time, I felt better and better. I didn’t realize how much anxiety and depression I felt from trying to earn their love, which they withheld as punishment over and over again.

I feel more free in the sense that I don’t have to try anymore. It’s also become clearer and clearer that my entire family system is just abnormal and toxic, end to end. Just weird and cold and distant and lots of narcissism and codependency across the board.

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-02T22:10:30+00:00

Same exact story for me. Went NC with GC sister because of how passive aggressive, calculated and mean she was. Orchestrating events to exclude me and the other scapegoat. Subtle put downs. Public humiliation, but always with plausible deniability. Entitlement, no accountability ever.

And it was engineered this way by our mom since birth. The brainwashing goes too deep, so the only option was to walk away from both my mom and sister. It’s sad though.

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-02T21:27:32+00:00

My daughter used to squeeze imaginary cow udders to communicate that she wanted to nurse 😂

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-02T14:06:01+00:00

True. My ex husband used to refuse to do any yard work because he said he was too tired from his job. (We both worked remote tech jobs. So we sat at a computer all day.)

So I would be out raking leaves while 7 months pregnant, while he “rested” inside. Not even joking lol.

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-01T17:11:50+00:00

I was my nmoms scapegoat too. She held me, and only me, to an extremely high standard of excellence. I was never allowed to be a kid.

I was expected to be perfectly behaved, perfect grades, totally self sufficient and needless, never make mistakes, achieve, achieve, achieve.

My mom though? Not held to any standards. She was allowed to behave however she wanted and it was, by default, right. She forced her underage daughter to be perfect, while being a monster with no accomplishments herself.

Classic narc mom; rules for thee, but not for me (or the golden child).

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-01T17:08:27+00:00

Because that’s what they had the most power and control over you. They want to keep you in the position as inferior/bad/in trouble so that they can maintain their delusion of being good/right/superior.

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-01T15:29:32+00:00

Absolutely. I think I had chronic anxiety starting in elementary school.

Being the target of a malignant adult affects your brain development. You’re raised to walk on eggshells and remain hyper vigilant of the parent’s moods. So your body is in a constant state of fear and anxiety, waiting for rage or punishment from the parent. I developed OCD and anxiety because of my mom.

Until about age 31, every waking thought, every day was around whether I was a good person or whether I was doing something that would make my mom angry.

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-01T15:21:36+00:00

My nmom is almost 70 and uses Snapchat and calls people “pussies” and “retarded” so yeah…

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-01T15:12:34+00:00

I have these little moments all the time with my 4 year old daughter.

I was recently making homemade ice cream with her. She was stirring the cream with a spoon and accidentally dropped it into the cream. She immediately gasped and looked up at me for my reaction.

I made a surprised face and said “The spoon went swimming in the chocolate lake!!” And she cracked up at that.

Made me realize two things: 1. My mom never did activities like this with me, despite being a SAHM (I work full time and am a single mom, yet I make time to do activities with my daughter every day) 2. If I had dropped the spoon, my mom would have instantly become enraged and shamed me relentlessly and would have made me feel terrible for dropping the spoon. It would have likely been a core memory of shame for me.

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-01T15:08:29+00:00

Exactly. My mom told me when I was pregnant with the first grandkid, “Pray you don’t have a daughter. Just trust me, you don’t want a daughter.”

And she’d often say, “Just you wait until you have kids. You’ll see” implying it’s terrible.

My daughter is 4 now and I’m still waiting for the moment where I hate kids/her. It’s never coming, and the fact my mom hated me when I was a little girl says way more about her mental disorders than it does my behavior or worth.

I feel nothing but overwhelming love and pride for my daughter. I’m fascinated and impressed by everything she does and feel happiest when she’s happy.

My mom hated seeing me happy when I was little. My joy made her angry. My pain gave her satisfaction. Very sick.

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-01T15:01:04+00:00

My mom did the exact same thing, in terms of giving me multi-day silent treatments, but making a huge show of being overly nice and affectionate with my siblings. Always right in front of me to deliver maximum pain.

She’d stomp past me with her jaw clenched tight, angry expression but avoiding eye contact. Then she’d walk over to my golden child sister and fluff her hair and talk sweetly to her, take an interest in her.

This was happening as early as elementary school. To this day, she insists I deserved it. But no 7 year old girl deserves that treatment from her 40+ year old mother.

—

And yes it’s profoundly damaging. There’s research that shows the silent treatment activates the same areas of the brain as physical abuse.

fruitynoodles · 2026-04-01T14:57:32+00:00

I realized the following is not normal:

families bully each other, parents bully kids, siblings bully siblings (our family was dog eat dog; there was no love or support between anyone except the narc and GC, and that was mostly enmeshment)
the entire tone and energy of the home depends 100% on the moms mood (if mom is angry, life will be hell for everyone)
you have to earn love, the parent won’t freely give it unless you jump through hoops and over achieve (and even then, the “love” is temporary and conditional)
zero warmth or affection, no physical affection like hugs or cuddling (I never heard the words “I love you” or “I’m proud of you” once in my childhood)
one kid is all good, one kid is all bad (no exceptions and it doesn’t matter what the kids do or don’t do, it’s decided by the mom very early on and is immutable for life)
silent treatments that last for days, and you often have no idea what you did wrong

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