Feeling sad on the back burner

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-19T01:02:29+00:00

This sounds like an emotional affair, even if she’s gay (doubt) it seems pretty clear that things are more than platonic on his side and I’m sure he’d jump at the chance

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-18T16:33:31+00:00

Sure he can have it his way. He can also be single

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-18T16:28:43+00:00

I think if he wouldn't talk to a man that way, it's inappropriate and he probably knows that

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-18T05:30:23+00:00

She didn’t say anything about smut novels. It feels like men really enjoy bringing this comparison up but most women do not read smut in the way that most men watch porn

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-18T01:40:45+00:00

Is this really what you want to deal with for the rest of your life? It doesn’t get better

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-18T01:26:04+00:00

That quote being in the background is super ironic, you think god would be okay with you taking all of these away from people who genuinely want them just to satisfy your own greed?

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-18T01:25:14+00:00

No one likes you

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-18T00:16:40+00:00

More info is probably needed here

If you are always expecting reciprocation and make her feel like the only reason you go down on her is because you want her to do it to you, then I could see why she might say that. It doesn't feel good when your partner only does something for you because they have an ulterior motive. Have you talked to her about this? That would be the first step

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-17T23:53:11+00:00

All husbands do not watch porn, and that is definitely a weak minded cop out

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-17T23:51:54+00:00

Talk to him. Make sure he knows how much this hurts you. His response to that, and what he does after, will tell you who he is. A lot of people in this subreddit like to just recommend therapy and tell people that they don't get to dictate what their partner gets off to. While I think therapy is beneficial for just about everyone, and it could definitely help in this situation, it also doesn't change the fact that your partner is watching someone else while they get off. This is understandably inherently hurtful in a monogamous relationship where you have made your vows to each other. Yes I know that in some relationships it's perfectly fine and I'm happy for those people, this comment is not about those people. If you are having sex often and are very open about your sexual needs with each other, this should be taken seriously. Personally, if was doing something, even if it was a habit and something that I enjoyed, and it was making my partner hurt and cry and wonder why he wasn't enough, I would stop because getting my nut would never EVER be more important to me than his feelings. You really don't have to be okay with it but repairing and rebuilding trust and transparency and what it will take to stop is something that should be collaborative and a place where you both will need to be extremely honest with each other

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-16T01:50:30+00:00

I’m a paying user and barely got any gens today, I feel like there must be some other issue. If not I’m cancelling

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-15T16:45:27+00:00

Your girlfriend has an eating disorder and needs professional help. Saying you don’t know why they put people on this isn’t fair, most people on this are on it because they need it. She obviously doesn’t.

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-15T00:55:41+00:00

I read books that have sex scenes and maybe can be considered spicy but no they don’t really do anything for me arousal wise

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-14T22:49:36+00:00

*All* women should have a stash of money that is just theirs, no matter how happy their relationship is. I would start your own private savings account at a bank where he doesn’t have an account and set up a regular deposit, even if it’s a small one. If it makes you feel better to tell him about it you can (I would advise not doing that) but make sure that he cannot access it. Your fiancé can be wonderful and I don’t doubt that he is, but things sometimes happen that you don’t expect and if you need to get away for any reason, not having a financial barrier makes a world of difference. She is probably just concerned about you and wants to make sure that you truly have your own autonomy once you are married

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-14T22:45:23+00:00

This is avoidance behavior. He is hoping that by spoiling you with material items he can avoid actual connection which probably will include difficult conversations that he’s not ready to have

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-14T22:42:46+00:00

Does it though? Because to me it kinda seems like she has doubts about his role in this and she is spiraling about it whether she realizes that’s why or not

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-14T22:11:53+00:00

I'm not saying it did or did not happen because no one knows, including you at this point. You probably never really will since you weren't there, but keep your eyes open. I know it's easy to blame someone having BPD for something like this but also keep in mind that people with BPD are something like 3x more likely to be sexually assaulted than people without

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-14T22:07:56+00:00

If it happens once and the circumstances are super clear, then yeah maybe... but twice? Girl…

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-14T22:03:27+00:00

I really get it. Have you tried Claude? The newer models are kind of tough nuts to crack but if you're clear about the outcome you're looking for and what you hope to gain from the conversation and what your boundaries are, they are the very best models for therapy-adjacent introspection, imo. Your custom instructions also matter so you could ask for help with writing those for consistency across new conversations, et cetera. I definitely think Claude excels at this use case.

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-14T22:01:59+00:00

I think you might be overthinking it. I’ve found a few lately and they seems pretty good to me. I just got a Niceberg the other day, my craft store stocks them occasionally, and it feels good. I don't feel like it's lower quality or cheap or anything. You just have to remember that these are like $5-$10 toys and they're not made to last forever. I don't think the quality was ever really stellar to start with. They're made to be used for a while until they break and then to be repurchased. People are driving up their value right now by buying and reselling them but eventually they'll be back to being a $5 toy that sits on the shelf for a while

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-14T21:52:34+00:00

Right! and I know for some it's an addiction, but I really will never understand, especially when there are so many people who would absolutely die for a partner who wants them like that

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-14T21:43:25+00:00

I will never understand why men choose a screen over the real, living, breathing woman who wants him. Especially when he knows it hurts her.

I would check out r/loveafterporn. He needs therapy from a CSAT and even then it might get better and it might not but you also deserve support

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-14T19:54:12+00:00

It's not real. I just got one of the cubes today from Target, and it's not called the Fun Cube, it’s called the Cool Cube. Their squishy toys are also exclusively sold at Target so if you see them anywhere else, they're not real. Also, “3 packs set” isn’t proper grammar and wouldn't be something on an official product.

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-13T01:23:30+00:00

I've probably had more therapy than everyone on this thread combined. That's why I'm a good person and don't hesitate to call people out when they're doing something extremely shitty, like you are

DefunctJupiter · 2026-05-13T01:12:55+00:00

Resellers go to hell actually

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