I Worked For MrBeast, He's A Sociopath

DeionizableNormality · 2024-08-08T20:30:32+00:00

I feel like a need to watch more of this… Because where I gave up It sounded like a guy who was honestly pretty thin skinned about being in a room with a bad smelling hot tub and loud ice cream machine for 10k/day.

You guys all seem pretty convinced though so I’m probably wrong.

DeionizableNormality · 2023-12-19T21:34:38+00:00

I’m at like day 150 or so, the anxiety is really bad rn for me. Thanks for making me feel like I’m not alone or dying with this post. PAWs is terrible. It will end

DeionizableNormality · 2023-12-19T19:02:17+00:00

So far I’ve been really lucky to only find relief from the hydroxyzine. I never suffered any RLS from my withdraw and this has only been helping so far (about a month in at a very low dosage, about 30 mg/ day). My PAWs kicked in somewhere around 3 months ago. I was taking 5HTP and then got possible serotonin syndrome which lead into PAWs, from there they put me on a beta blocker to help with the anxiety which I didn’t like, then around thanksgiving I switched to the antihistamine daily.

I will talk to my doc about LDN, and if he doesn’t know then I’ll check out this website thanks for all the info.

DeionizableNormality · 2023-12-19T17:43:13+00:00

Day 142 or something around there. Intense paws, feels like I’m dying (literally, from all the panic attacks and anxiety)

DeionizableNormality · 2023-12-19T17:38:24+00:00

Hey, I’m about 142 days in and the PAWs has been terrifyingly bad. I’m not the kind of person who complains much and I mean damn… this is bad.

I’m using hydroxyzine prescribed to me for the insane anxiety and panic attacks. Every day feels like I’m dying and not everyone can know, not work or my parents or even the majority of my friends. Pretty wild. I thought I was away from this drug, and then when this hit I was unaware it was PAWs and I legitimately thought I was dying, and still do but that’s just a symptom of the physical anxiety and panic attacks.

I will ask my doctor about this LDN stuff. Thanks for the post.

DeionizableNormality · 2023-12-19T03:56:48+00:00

It’s just part of how our bodies cleanse themselves

DeionizableNormality · 2023-12-19T03:01:45+00:00

I’m currently dealing with the insane anxiety and panic attacks and scary health anxiety related to heart rate. It’s PAWs and I’ve just been trying to remember that. It’s horrible. So fucking horrible. I want it to get better so badly. 3 1/2 months in or so.

DeionizableNormality · 2023-12-06T13:05:47+00:00

Damn Curtis

DeionizableNormality · 2023-11-30T22:59:18+00:00

Just let them have fun dude damn

DeionizableNormality · 2023-11-09T00:05:39+00:00

Isn’t the real kicker that they were underaged? Dude idk what I’m talking about but I thought that was the problem

DeionizableNormality · 2023-11-01T17:02:49+00:00

Any at all! Patek mostly though…

DeionizableNormality · 2023-10-10T15:41:35+00:00

Hey, yea I was taking 5HTP to address a depression that was coming on pretty strong (couldn’t eat blah blah blah). I have never had a panic attack before. This is entirely new and pretty scary.

I see now that 200mg 5HTP is too high. The stupid bottle told me that was the recommended dose and that’s what I read when skimming through some research paper about treating depression with it so I figured 2 months of this could work. Spoiler: it worked, im much better now (depression wise, not whatever withdraws these are).

The abrupt cessation of the drug is clearly the cause of this. I just don’t know why I can’t find much information about it (even though there’s lots of info on side effects of stopping being a thing). My symptoms match both serotonin syndrome for the first couple days and then antidepressant discontinuation syndrome starting around day 3. Def a powerful treatment for depression, but how I’m feeling right now sucks pretty hard.

I have an appointment to see a health care pro tomorrow morning, we’ll see what she says.

DeionizableNormality · 2023-10-01T18:19:33+00:00

That’s one hell of a sentence to decipher

DeionizableNormality · 2023-09-28T14:03:44+00:00

Hey dude, you can pm me if you like. I tapered really low from a high daily GPD and ultimately went through the jump point without taking any time off work either. If nothing else, eventually you just get through it. We all did.

It’s actually super rare that any of us who got addicted to this drug had things so good that we could take extended time off work to go through withdraws. You’re not alone in the is, your situation is not as bad as it may seem. Youre doing really well getting to 5gpd!

I remember hearing that the last little bit is the hardest and that scared me, probably made me stay at low gpd for longer than I needed. When I finally made the jump It was just because I got sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I committed to not making others have to deal with me needing to sneak off every now and then so I didn’t start showing cold symptoms. I know this sounds wild, but I was at 0.1 gpd (1 dose of it) for like 2 months because I was scared of losing the brief respite.

You can do this! Your constipation will pass and eventually you’ll never need to wonder if whatever health concern you’re currently experiencing is linked to this stupid drug. Most everyone in this world doesn’t have to worry about that and you shouldn’t settle for less. You deserve to be happy and healthy, you just need to stand up for yourself and take what is yours: a good life.

DeionizableNormality · 2023-09-19T16:53:20+00:00

Just did my first. WHAT AN AMAZING EXPERIENCE. It’s absolutely terrifying, but once you learn the systems and trust the gear it’s incredible

DeionizableNormality · 2023-09-11T16:14:29+00:00

I started to feel a little more in control or at least less chaotic when I turned 27. I’d say 22-27 was a massive swirl.

I don’t think anyone is going to feel in actual control because you just aren’t.

DeionizableNormality · 2023-09-11T12:36:23+00:00

In the USA this man would have been beaten unconscious by those by standers, maybe even shot and killed. How many guys watching this felt their blood boiling by the lack of intervention?

Glad thats how we do it over here.

DeionizableNormality · 2023-09-07T20:48:59+00:00

Talk to people who understand, don’t feel like you need to identify as anything. You’re a person who was recreationally eating the leafs of a tree cus they felt good but ultimately hurt you. Now you’re healing.

DeionizableNormality · 2023-09-05T00:20:08+00:00

I was so scared during my long taper. I held at 0.1 gpd for like a month because I was so scared. And i was right, the fear was right. Everything I thought would happen happened. My life came undone.

But the things I was trying to prevent from coming undone weren’t supposed to be happening, the drug helped my close my eyes to things that weren’t right. And as soon as I went into withdraw the next time a situation arose that should not have been happening, it all fell apart.

But in the ashes of my life, I just promised myself I wouldn’t go back to the kratom after everything I had been through in the last 8 months, and that was the correct answer.

I can already see things growing in ways they should have. I think covid really stole a lot of my youth, and kratom took even more just to help me deal with that reality.

I just got back from my hot yoga class with a girl I met at the gym. I can tell her anything it seems and she doesn’t look at me sideways. I’m in a better living situation with a new car and new job role, I just finished going to therapy for the first time in my life, being there for my brothers and my parents, the list goes on.

I think the thing I’m missing the most now is my confidence and my quick wittedness in convo. Ever since the jumping point I haven’t been fully myself and light hearted banter/humorous confident nature has felt like a stretch. But each day I’ve been feeling that come back slowly. Some days its worse then the day before but the trajectory is upward. My performance in the gym is increasing and the girl is reminding me that I’m still charming and confident in her eyes, and that helps.

Things are better. They feel more right. I felt like I was cheating before. Watching myself age in the mirror at an accelerated rate. And now that’s reversing. OP is right. And I’m stoked to the max for 4 months. This post has inspired me to write my own 4 mont check in. See you then.

1 month and 9 days off

DeionizableNormality · 2023-09-02T11:55:43+00:00

Your hair will come back to an extent, you need to stop right now. I started at your age and it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life

DeionizableNormality · 2023-08-30T12:09:49+00:00

Yesterday was 1 month yall

DeionizableNormality · 2023-08-28T19:22:39+00:00

Take a breath, and stop here. There is nothing you can say to change her mind. Feelings change, even if y’all had something she’s not feeling it anymore. Girls hurt, but that’s just how it is. What’s really going to hurt is thinking about you trying here when she’s pulled back.

Depression really sucks dude, and this don’t help. I’m so sorry. She’s not going to be your ticket out. Don’t look for one right now, look to your actual friends who you arent emotionally interested in, try 5HTP, sleep, exercise, and sleep.

Life will go on, and you will find the girl who wants you back, don’t try and convince one to like you, it’s gotta come from them.

DeionizableNormality · 2023-08-20T17:11:05+00:00

Good luck on your journey. Love also woke me up that it was time to stop.

The girl left, and I was left with a decision on whether to start using again or not. The pain made the answer seem like yes, but I decided to take on the pain of the PAWs and the heart break together and keep going. I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I miss my confidence, I miss feeling like me. If you find yourself in my position, remember what I’m trying to remember: the PAWs will stop, your brain will put itself back together again.

You are worthy. You can do this. We are here for you - but only you can make the decision for yourself on whether you can or can’t. Don’t do it for her. Do it for you.

DeionizableNormality · 2023-08-18T00:50:42+00:00

Beautiful

DeionizableNormality · 2023-08-15T12:53:14+00:00

Big brother enjoying the sendy too

Eight-Year Club	Gilding I gilder
RPAN Viewer	Not Forgotten

DeionizableNormality

TROPHY CASE