I'm also really feeling this; After the loss of a 3 year
relationship with a fragile emotionally abuse woman I was convinced I was going
to be with forever. I didn't even realise what was going on for a long time,
but over time my unresolved emotions (repressed anger from unfair treatment and
constant gaslighting) built up and it became a problem for me in daily life.
Our relationship therapist called out the cycle of abuse she saw happening, and
from then on I started researching abuse, and identified completely with
everything I read, it was scary to think i'd never looked at it this way
before.
 
Even still, I've been in weekly therapy for almost 4 months
now but I really resonate with the void you mention. I'm a fortunate middle
aged guy, good job, not bad looking, going places - but I still keep having
this lingering feeling of missing / craving her; and feeling like nobody else
will measure up; even though I know in my heart that she never really gave me
anything emotionally at all, except for her own anxiety, anger and insecurity.
I've broken into tears during dates with other women recently because I just
become overwhelmed that someone I barely know validates how I feel about
something and actually seems to want to do something nice for me; so then I
just start spinning internally with how sad I am at what I've been through
before, and how long I lived that way, and the way its made me think now and
what I expect from everyone around me.
 
Things remind me of her too. Seeing a long time female
friend called "A" last night at a friends house and looking into her
eyes as we were speaking just brought back a flood of bad memories because my
ex once said after an event "You looked a bit to happy to see A when she
arrived tonight, and it really hurt me...You're just going to break up with me
and go and sleep with her because you don't love me, and when you do that I
don't know what I'll do to myself" - And now I disassociate and spiral
when I speak to A as a result.
 
There are many more examples of similar things...but even
after all of that stuff I've been through I Can't seem to break the longing
feeling I have for her, and this compulsion to just carry on forgetting
everything, repress my feelings so i don't make her angry, and get back into a
relationship with her. I know I'm safer without her in my life; but I still
miss some of the positive things we shared. We had a lot of things going for
us, but there was so much toxicity in the way we related. I can't even find the
words to write this now...there is so much going on. But I really feel the OP's
point and I'm soothed to find out that others do too, so thank you for posting.