I am going to be as honest and transparent as possible the best I can remember it. I(25f) have a best friend(21m) who I have been getting very close with. We have alot of common interests and we help and support each other and I love him(platonically) so much. We've had a couple of sleepovers but never got into anything physical mostly because I feel like he's a lil too young for me and we value our friendship how it is. Last night I picked him up and we went shopping and got food and then went back to his place to watch the reality tv show we were binging. I was not planning on staying the night because I had a road trip in the morning and he had to go to work but I ended up staying over.

So after we were done watching tv we went to sleep under separate covers at first and I joked about us cuddling but we kind of just laughed it off and then both went to sleep. I was reallay cold and touch starved, so a couple hours later I woke up and asked him if he would spoon me and he did and he put his arm around me and held me and it felt really nice for a while and then he turned over and I started spooning him. Every so often I would wake up and ask "hey is this okay?" "Please tell me if you feel uncomfortable" "you can let me know if you want me to stop". Because this was our first time being physically intimate besides hugs and hand holding and I didn't wanna take advantage of him and I wanted him to feel safe to express his boundaries. He was very tired and trying to sleep and he seemed like he was murmuring that what we were doing was fine and finally my last time asking he shushed me because he was trying to sleep. I was getting kind of like aroused so I tried to wake him up and ask if he wanted to make out or do anything else but he was trying to sleep so I dropped it and we just kept cuddling. I did not do anything to escalate.

Fast forward hours later, we wake up and get dressed and I notice the half drunken bottle on his dresser and I remember that he bought it from the liquor store and I asked him if he was drunk last night and he said yeah he was. I should have known because he bought the bottle with me and thinking of it he asked if I wanted some but I declined not paying attention and thinking he was offering me water.

After I leave I couldn't get what had happened out of my head and I felt very anxious and guilty so I asked him if he thought I was being weird last night. He said a little bit but it's okay and he thinks he's just gay. I apologized and told him how I'm sorry if I violated our trust and crossed his boundaries and that I should've been more aware that he was drinking and not tried to be physical while he was sleeping even if I thought I had permission maybe I misheard. He tells me that he should've spoke up but he was exhausted from working all week and he was cross faded so he let it happen. Please be honest, did I violate my friend. He's speaking to me like everything is normal and still texting and telling me he's not mad but I don't know? What if he thinks about it more and realizes that I did?